I am supposing..

[Graelwyn]

That the only way to 'fit in' on this forum is to have super high self esteem, little emotional expression and to not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks of you... but then again, from what I have seen, you also have to be willing to be molded into something that everyone does see as acceptable among their little group... thus, until you toe the line, you are seen as annoying or whatever other little label can best be thrown out to describe you. And God help you if your self esteem is shaky, as it sure wont be improved by this place. I have to ask...just what is this site for? What is it's aim as it certainly cannot be seen as any sort of a place where people can truly be themselves... unless themselves happens to fit this pre defined model. Myself happens to be someone with extremely low self esteem, a steady fear of rejection and a lot of anger... so I suppose I do not fit the pre defined model. I do not fit in. I have to go...or repress and suppress those parts of me that are deemed unacceptable. Which is even funnier as many aspies spend their whole lives molding themselves to what society deems acceptable...and then you have a forum like this where you must once again mold yourself to another set of accepted behaviours and ways of being. Thus, to fit in here, I must withold any emotional expression that might be perceived as 'emo', I must develop an immensely thick skin to cope with the barrage of hurtful comments (Oh my god, I said the word hurtful... I must be emo, because I get hurt!) yet at the same time as developing this thick skin, I must remain aware that other people have feelings... I find this quite paradoxical, because to do all this, I have to become a hard faced bitch who doesnt care about others, or about what they say and to do this, I must detach. Been there, done that. So I have a choice, the way I see it. I can either just leave and remain as I am and accept that Intensity is simply not open to a diversity of personalities and ways of expressing... or I can stay and mold myself into what others here might see as acceptable and as someone who 'fits in'.

[Leto729]

You can stay and yet be Yourself and let them ponder who You are in the end. We all here have emotions here even aspies too. I have seen all here get emotional here over something even I too. We are all humans not clones or members of a hive society. Diversity is better than not having it in the end. Getting to know all members that post here for who they are and they Us in the end. Then Intensity can grow by all being themselves and learning to respect each others point of view in the end.

[odeon]

Isn't one thread enough about this? I thought Dunc and others explained what Intensity is about quite clearly in that other one.

Let me ask you, though: what is it that you expect from other members? 'cause I don't understand. I really don't. What do you want?

[Leto729]

Isn't one thread enough about this? I thought Dunc and others explained what Intensity is about quite clearly in that other one.

Let me ask you, though: what is it that you expect from other members? 'cause I don't understand. I really don't. What do you want?

She did not start that thread this is Her thread that She started.

[odeon]

So the answers would have to be repeated in this thread? Is that what you're saying, Kevv?

[Leto729]

So the answers would have to be repeated in this thread? Is that what you're saying, Kevv?

Let Us see whats happens first before and lets see if anybody wants to add anything here if they want too.

[Callaway]

Isn't one thread enough about this? I thought Dunc and others explained what Intensity is about quite clearly in that other one.

Let me ask you, though: what is it that you expect from other members? 'cause I don't understand. I really don't. What do you want?

Maybe Graelwyn made this thread hoping that she would not hijack the other one, Odeon.

I answered much of what you are saying on the other thread, Graelwyn.  For what it's worth, I think we are all ourselves, like Kevv said, and sometimes we are hurt by what other people say to us.  I think most of us have good hearts, though.  Maybe you feel hurt by some things that were said to you and maybe some other people feel hurt by what you said to them.  If people feel hurt, they are more likely to strike out.  Intensity is a place for all of us to be ourselves.  If you want to discuss a problem in a more sympathetic setting, the Forum for People with Actual Problems is probably a good place to post about it.  That's the one place on the board we have reached an understanding about and almost all the people who post there try to be supportive.

Note:  All underlined text in this post are hyperlinks.

[Tom/Mutate]

Gaelwyn, some consider this site a training ground.  We treat each other like crap here, (in a friendly way) so we are prepared for the real crap (by people who genuinly want to hurt us) in the real world.   I guess everything is allowed here, and that includes bullying and people being mean to you.   I think lot of use come for the bullying, so we can get used to it, and learn to not let it effect our low self esteems.

[Graelwyn]

But isn't it enough to already be hurt by the shit in the real world without coming and getting it all online too? If we have had a lifetime of bullying and pain off the net, why would we want more of the same here? And surely, to become immune to others words you also, well, have to become hard in all other ways too? You lose any softness you might have had in your personality.

The internet is surely an escape from that, where you can...feel more secure? I am beginning to feel I am out of the loop for being hurt by what people are saying to me. And the impact of the feelings all this is having is that I am lashing out at people in real life too deal with that. But if I lash out here, it just leads to more of this, so there is nowhere to deal with the frustration... as to the problem forum, if people give support, then you just end up feeling like a right loser for needing it in the first place and for being weak. That is how I feel about posting regarding problems. It always leaves me feeling like some silly little child...well, most of my recent posts make me feel that way anyway lol.

[Callaway]

But isn't it enough to already be hurt by the shit in the real world without coming and getting it all online too? If we have had a lifetime of bullying and pain off the net, why would we want more of the same here? And surely, to become immune to others words you also, well, have to become hard in all other ways too? You lose any softness you might have had in your personality.

The internet is surely an escape from that, where you can...feel more secure? I am beginning to feel I am out of the loop for being hurt by what people are saying to me. And the impact of the feelings all this is having is that I am lashing out at people in real life too deal with that. But if I lash out here, it just leads to more of this, so there is nowhere to deal with the frustration... as to the problem forum, if people give support, then you just end up feeling like a right loser for needing it in the first place and for being weak. That is how I feel about posting regarding problems. It always leaves me feeling like some silly little child...well, most of my recent posts make me feel that way anyway lol.

I see what you are saying, Graelwyn, but, from the moment of its creation, Intensity was never intended to be a support site.  There are many AS support sites, but Intensity is unique because it is a free speech site.  There was a need for some support, even on a free speech website, so we started the Forum for People with Actual Problems so there would be a good place for these members to post about their problems in a relatively supportive environment on an unmoderated site.  Almost all the people who post there at least try to be supportive.  I did not ever feel like a loser for posting there and I never considered anyone else who posted there a loser either.  I tried to help them if I thought I could.

[QuirkyCarla]

heh, i'm very sensitive and have low self-esteem but this site suits me just fine

fwiw, i like you a lot Graelwyn, and i hope you stay

[Graelwyn]

Ah, but I imagine you haven't had any outbursts or eruptions as I did lol ? And thanks...

[Nomaken]

I figure the definition of fitting in on this forum is realizing that anyone here who has a theory on how people fit in is just their 2 cents, and the advice is probably worth exactly that much.

[DirtDawg]

That the only way to 'fit in' on this forum is to have super high self esteem, little emotional expression and to not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks of you... but then again, from what I have seen, you also have to be willing to be molded into something that everyone does see as acceptable among their little group... thus, until you toe the line, you are seen as annoying or whatever other little label can best be thrown out to describe you. And God help you if your self esteem is shaky, as it sure wont be improved by this place. I have to ask...just what is this site for? What is it's aim as it certainly cannot be seen as any sort of a place where people can truly be themselves... unless themselves happens to fit this pre defined model. Myself happens to be someone with extremely low self esteem, a steady fear of rejection and a lot of anger... so I suppose I do not fit the pre defined model. I do not fit in. I have to go...or repress and suppress those parts of me that are deemed unacceptable. Which is even funnier as many aspies spend their whole lives molding themselves to what society deems acceptable...and then you have a forum like this where you must once again mold yourself to another set of accepted behaviours and ways of being. Thus, to fit in here, I must withold any emotional expression that might be perceived as 'emo', I must develop an immensely thick skin to cope with the barrage of hurtful comments (Oh my god, I said the word hurtful... I must be emo, because I get hurt!) yet at the same time as developing this thick skin, I must remain aware that other people have feelings... I find this quite paradoxical, because to do all this, I have to become a hard faced bitch who doesnt care about others, or about what they say and to do this, I must detach. Been there, done that. So I have a choice, the way I see it. I can either just leave and remain as I am and accept that Intensity is simply not open to a diversity of personalities and ways of expressing... or I can stay and mold myself into what others here might see as acceptable and as someone who 'fits in'.

Oh, stop it.

I've heard people complain about being on an emotional rollercoaster, before, but that's the way life is. It's loaded with ups and downs. If you're lucky enough to be on a rollercoaster, at least you have tracks to ride on, you are at least grounded to something. Some people have no stablizing foundation, like a balloon in a hot air current, no connection to anything, completely untethered, floating. To me that's kind of a definition of emo, too. A downy feather in an emotional wind or maybe a fart ... no substance at all.

I see more than that from you in many of your posts and especially your poetry and photography ..... but I'll be damned if I can figure out your base, foundation, or anchor.

[Nomaken]

She's expecting a little more support than we are accustomed to giving.  Not that we need to be extra nice to her, just that when we tell her we don't agree with her, she hasn't failed to fit in, and her standing behind what she said despite what we think is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing here.