I have an addictive personality. I was prone to getting on amphetamines regularly, was doing party drugs before then, and have had psychological dependency on weed for most of my life. The weed dependency, on top of some other factors, developed into full blown psychosis, and thereafter, always produced the same result - I'm simply unable to ingest it anymore. I was smoking a fair bit of it only recently, as I was under a court order to continue taking medication for psychosis - so I was like why the hell not continue, since the meds were keeping the psychosis in check. Once the court order was finished, I stopped smoking weed, in order to safely get off the medication, 'flupenthixol'.
Last Saturday, however, as I discovered coke for the first time in my life, I couldn't contain my excitement at having the chance to try this for the first time in my life, and I borrowed money from a mate to get it. The dealer stole my vaporizer (and the coke was a rip), but I found myself needing to visit a loan shark the following Monday, to repay my mate, who had lent out his food money for me to get it that night. I wasn't aware of this at the time I borrowed it, and felt bad for him, so that was enough good reason to lend the cash, plus I needed another vaporizer.
This same mate had some gear a while ago, and being that I have this tendency to crave it (especially while it's around), I was actually prepared to smoke part of his supply. Something happened that changed his mind, I think our mutual friend said something to him, and since I was still trying to avoid taking any, I didn't push the issue by asking for some. But then there was the night with coke on the table. I couldn't contain my excitement. So on with how this happened.
The same friend who "shouted" me coke, and who had the ice was looking for someone to attend his church with him, and since our mutual friend (who I mentioned earlier) isn't reliable in the way he says one thing and does another, was no longer prepared to attend church with him, I assured him that I would go instead. This suited both of us, as the two of us needed some time away from this other vocal friend of ours. And so I went, all the way to his church in another town, an hour long train ride toward Melbourne.
This church meeting was beneficial, as I started talking with some of the members there, I was encouraged to attend NA. Little did I know at the time, that the person who was encouraging me to go to NA was actually the guy running it, in that area. After church, I found out a little more about this from my friend, and he offered to attend with me, for support. So there I was, at NA, not sure whether I was an addict - still undecided on this point - but as a willing participant of the collective goals of individuals of the group. I'm hoping to improve my life, and stop masking my problems with drugs and alcohol.
