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Author Topic: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR  (Read 21708 times)

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Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #240 on: June 04, 2018, 11:45:30 AM »
 :mischief:
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Offline renaeden

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #241 on: June 04, 2018, 09:04:25 PM »
 :lol1:

How do you start a jelly race?


Get set.

I think Vodzy gheyed me for this one in the past.
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Mildly Cute in a Retarded Way
Tek'ma'tae

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #242 on: June 05, 2018, 10:52:46 AM »
Quote from: renaeden on June 04, 2018, 09:04:25 PM
:lol1:

How do you start a jelly race?


Get set.

I think Vodzy gheyed me for this one in the past.





I'm slipping.  It took me two reads to get it.  But good one.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #243 on: June 05, 2018, 10:53:15 AM »

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #244 on: June 05, 2018, 12:00:43 PM »
lol QV. on form as ever :)
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Beyond the pale. Way, way beyond the pale.

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Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #245 on: June 05, 2018, 02:26:32 PM »
Quote from: Queen Victoria on June 05, 2018, 10:53:15 AM

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."


Musta been my bro.
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Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #246 on: June 05, 2018, 10:14:37 PM »
I'd be deeply, deeply ashamed of any family member I had, if they were ever to become pork. I really would be disgusted.

Although it most certainly, would not get in the way of my making full use of the information they would have access to and leveraging the family bit to get it. Which means having to hold my tongue every time I have a snarky wisecrack in mind that is aimed at the filth. Although thankfully, there aren't any pigs in my family. Still, if there were, it might actually be somewhat useful.

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Beyond the pale. Way, way beyond the pale.

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Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #247 on: June 06, 2018, 12:54:56 AM »
Quote from: Lestat on June 05, 2018, 10:14:37 PM
I'd be deeply, deeply ashamed of any family member I had, if they were ever to become pork. I really would be disgusted.



Yeah. He's kinda the white sheep of our family. I think everyone feels that way about his choice.


Eventually though, I think we all just got used to it, to some extent. Hardest for me, because
we're so distant anyhow.
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Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #248 on: June 06, 2018, 03:29:34 AM »
I could use such a family member. But deep down, I wouldn't be able to regard them as related to me, or actually members of my family. It'd be akin to finding out one of your uncles or grandfathers was a child rapist, or josef mengele's best mate down at the pub, when he's finished with his day's jew-gassing and baby-skinning, or they secretly actually have a great many more children, only all kept locked in an underground soundproofed basement, complete with incinerator, to be used as child rape toys like that Fritzl baby-fucking bastard.

Would just be so unfortunate, that they were useful enough to keep around, when all one could want is to excise it from the family, as if extirpating a malignant cancerous tumor. Probably a scrotum cancer too at that.

And just remember-it isn't murder if you kill a cop, its technically classed as committing pesticide:LOL:

 
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Beyond the pale. Way, way beyond the pale.

Requiescat in pacem, Wolfish, beloved of Pyraxis.

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #249 on: June 06, 2018, 11:18:19 AM »
A prince had a curse put on him when he was a little boy. He could only speak two words every year. But, if he didn't speak for a whole year, he would then be able to speak 4 words the next year and so on.

One day he met a princess named Josie and he wanted to say "My Princess".

The next year he saw her he wanted to say "My princess, i love you".

The third year he saw her he wanted to say "My princess I love you, will you marry me?" But, the young prince, now growing older knew he would have to wait a couple more years.

So, on the fifth year, excited to finally present his question, he visited the princess.

He approached her respectfully and asked, "JOSIE, MY PRINCESS, I LOVE YOU. WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

And the princess said, "Pardon?"
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #250 on: June 07, 2018, 09:32:23 AM »
(Feel free in substitute any married couple's name that you want.)

Hillary Clinton (Melania Trump) died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's (Donald's) clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's (Donald's) clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
« Last Edit: June 07, 2018, 09:35:56 AM by Queen Victoria »
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #251 on: June 08, 2018, 10:09:23 AM »

Q: What is the loudest state?

A: ILLI-NOISE
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline sg1008

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #252 on: June 08, 2018, 05:03:50 PM »
The Prince ought to have written her a letter!

Lol, that was a good one. "Pardon?" lol

Also like the loudest state. gonna share that one with my baby bro.
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Quote from: hykeaswell on December 08, 2014, 04:14:58 AM
Quote from: sg1008 on December 08, 2014, 12:31:27 AM
Can't you guys even just imagine it?

Forget practicality, or your experience....can you just....imagine?

It's there. It always was.

Offline sg1008

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #253 on: June 08, 2018, 05:04:28 PM »
Quote from: Queen Victoria on June 05, 2018, 10:52:46 AM
Quote from: renaeden on June 04, 2018, 09:04:25 PM
:lol1:

How do you start a jelly race?


Get set.

I think Vodzy gheyed me for this one in the past.





I'm slipping.  It took me two reads to get it.  But good one.

:( I dont get it......

ohhhhhhhh! ha! lol ok i got it, lol
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Quote from: hykeaswell on December 08, 2014, 04:14:58 AM
Quote from: sg1008 on December 08, 2014, 12:31:27 AM
Can't you guys even just imagine it?

Forget practicality, or your experience....can you just....imagine?

It's there. It always was.

Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #254 on: June 09, 2018, 05:21:46 AM »
I'm too dull. But, I think I know, and it's not that funny.
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