'newsflash-unfortunate incident of dog-on-dog rape resulting in a litter happened during a church sermon between two guide-dogs. More unfortunately still, one of the pair was a shih-tzu, badly wounded in the assault, and the other was a bulldog. To compound the matter, the breed, owing to size constraints, is new, and the vicar was naive enough to hold a church competition and raffle to name the breed and help pay for the little dog's vet bills; only to realize what he had done after his sermon had finished and the raffle already announced.' Several church-goers died of embarrassment whilst several more choked to death on their own tongues the following week. Coroner's report said only that it was not the result of malice, and that it was quite inevitable.
As the report of the incident was first covered in the 'news'paper 'The Sun', the breed is now formally recognized as the bull-shit terrier. Known now to be highly prone to barking at nothing, chasing its own tail and blaming other dogs, and a particularly bad habit of defaecating, picking their waste up in their mouths and shaking their heads rapidly from side to side, showering all who come into contact with them in complete and total dogshit. Also prone to bouts of extreme hypocrisy, in addition to taking food and doing its best to communicate deliberate and extreme lies after the fact, including leading owners to other dogs and pointing in order to implicate and slander them for their wrongdoings. The breed henceforth became very well known in just a very short time indeed for their massive tendency towards whining.
Another new breed, this one bred for law enforcement: the Schweinhunde
What do you call an australian dog with a severe hangover? a dingothefuckaway
(this part is true)-there are reports that in his youth, the former british PM david cameron sodomized a pig.
I hear that the current deputy PM fucked a dog. It's name was theresa may, a well known and much-despised scabby, semiferal flea-ridden mongrel bitch, who unfortunately seems to have survived so far, every attempt to put it down.
Hot on the heels of the seeing eye dog, scientists working in the field of genetics have now come up with the smelling ear dog, and the hearing scrotum dog.
What do you get when you throw a dog face first into a gate? a labra-door.
A man walks into a pound, to rehome an animal. Taking pity on one particular dog, of a common middle eastern breed, that nobody wanted, and was unkempt and unloved, he asked why nobody wanted the dog. And the man was told 'nobody wants this thing, it was left behind by some arab, and as such, it smells awful, has a bad temper, but here, just get it out of here, we don't want the little fucker either.
Still, the guy takes the dog with him, having forgotten in the conversation with the manager of the dog pound to ask what breed it was, since he didn't specify. The moment he first took it for a walk in a crowded city center, the dog attacks, detonating violently in a shower of blood, internal organs and canine bone-shrapnel, killing many people in a crowded shopping mall.
It was determined later, when only the remains of the collar along with some wiring, were found by first responders, and the former owner of the dog told that he had rehomed a pit-bull terrorist, a breed disliked by many and well known for their explosive temper.
Faye Kane got a dog, I hear, and when asked why it kept getting so many erections, Faye replied 'mmfffffll'...sorry, shouldn't talk with my mouth full'
