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Author Topic: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR  (Read 21589 times)

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Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #45 on: January 24, 2018, 03:16:12 AM »
What do you call the ghost of an alcoholic who died after drinking denatured alcohol?

A methylated spirit.
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Offline Fun With Matches

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #46 on: January 24, 2018, 11:00:00 AM »
 :lol1: at the postman letter!
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Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #47 on: January 24, 2018, 06:34:45 PM »
Did you hear the one about the organic chemist specializing in nucleophilic substitution reactions?

He ended up doing jail term, placed in protective custody as a convicted electrophile after too many times going and doing an SN2, when he a somebody witnessed his backside attack.

(sorry, sorry, that one was awful, I know, I admit it, that one was terrible)
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Offline Al Swearegen

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #48 on: January 25, 2018, 05:21:23 AM »
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.
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How to apologise to Scrap

Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #49 on: January 25, 2018, 12:23:18 PM »
Quote from: Al Swearengen on January 25, 2018, 05:21:23 AM
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.


And even worse? Finding no yummy worm at all!
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Offline odeon

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #50 on: January 25, 2018, 01:15:54 PM »
Quote from: Al Swearengen on January 25, 2018, 05:21:23 AM
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

:laugh:
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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #51 on: January 25, 2018, 03:32:24 PM »
What did Mr. Rabbit say to Mrs. Rabbit



Won't take long, didn't it?
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

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Offline Calandale

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #52 on: January 25, 2018, 06:39:59 PM »
More dirty humor.  :heisenberg:
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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #53 on: January 26, 2018, 08:29:20 PM »
Ninth graders in Los Angeles were given a vocabulary test and one ingenious student defined "prowess" as "a lady prowler."

A honeymoon is "the time when the marriage is consumed."

Tackle is the past tense of tickle.

A reflection is when somebody hits you in the knee real hard and your leg kicks.

A kindergartner complained to her mother that the teacher sent the class out to recess, but nobody knew how to recess - so they just played instead.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #54 on: January 26, 2018, 08:56:10 PM »
Whats black and white and read all over? a newspaper.

Whats black and white and red all over? a nun on her period falling down a hill.

Why did the drug-user-hating copper start buzzing hard? Because somebody stuck a beehive up his ass :P
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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #55 on: January 27, 2018, 01:07:40 PM »
Does anyone know what a fez is?  An Egyptian policeman.
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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #56 on: January 28, 2018, 12:15:25 PM »
Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

The man replies, “And how would you do that?”

The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”

The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”

The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”

The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

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A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Gopher Gary

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #57 on: January 28, 2018, 07:05:10 PM »
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?  :zoinks:
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Offline 'andersom'

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #58 on: January 29, 2018, 03:27:55 PM »
 :lol1:
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Quote from: DirtDawg on July 05, 2016, 01:04:21 AM
I can do upside down chocolate moo things!

Offline Lestat

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Re: GOOD CLEAN HUMOUR
« Reply #59 on: January 31, 2018, 03:05:13 AM »
What do you call the sweet, sweet music produced by kidnapping a cop-shop worth of police officers and torturing them slowly whilst recording the screams and shrieks?

A porkestra.
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