I understand why you did it-it can seem safer to protect yourself with a fake persona, but its never going to make you happy if deep down you know its not really you.
Sorry for the short reply am running late getting the kids to bed.
The thing is, people
do respect those who go against the rules, as if it's the greastest act of free will when, in reality, they're just insecure tossers vying for attention.
I was in a self-loathing period over being messed about by other people from my life, and they seem to command a lot more respect than the typical nice guy, especially on internet forums, so I emulated those behaviours from the internet tough guys I have observed on.