Random things you shouldn't say to a cop.

[Genesis]

        

[Yuri Bezmenov]

A buddy of mine got pulled over by the Air Force SP's just outside Vandenberg AFB. He had the back half of a mortar round in his car and the SP's had a tizzy fit over it. They asked him "Is this thing inert?" He replied "I can assure you, it's as inert as your reproductive system". 

[Lestat]

ROFL!

What you shouldn't say- ANYTHING. Never talk to pigs. It is not the smart course of action. 'no comment' is the way to go.

Did once tell two pigs in a van to hurry up and let me the fuck inside, because I desperately need a piss. They had nicked me, and driven me way out of town to some pig shop far away from my home, despite their BEING a pig shop far closer. And they knew I was desperate for a piss.

Kept me waiting until I was in pretty bad physical pain due to it. And I told them if they didn't let me the fuck in there right then and there (and thats the only time you'll ever here me TELL the filth to let me into a pig shop!) that I would whip it out and piss on either their meat wagon, or them, whichever was closest at the time. Moved towards the van, when they didn't let me use the bog and still kept me standing there. Whipped my knob out and took one LONG slash over their van, walking slowly around it, making sure to hose down under the driver's side and passenger side front door handles.

They didn't try stopping me either. Well, tried to start to come over to, but then they saw the look I gave the pair of them, and shook my head slowly. They backed off and I made them wait until I was finished emptying my bladder. Unfortunately I had cuffs on and couldn't get the petrol cap off the tank, or I'd have saved the majority of it for the engine, but I left them in no doubt whatsoever, that it was their lucky day to have been standing further from me, than I was from their vehicle and had that not been the case, they would have been the lucky recipients of a free crate of beer. Albeit one that had, unfortunately for them, already been consumed the previous evening.

The look those two filth wore on their snouts was, I have to say, one of the most hilarious sights I have seen in a long, long time. I don't think they were very happy about it, but they were on CCTV in their vehicle holding/loading bay thing, and there wasn't a damn thing they could do other than watch and wait until I had finished emptying MY tank. On their van, whilst just walking round it slowly and spraying away, with what I was trying for as an innocent smile on my face. followed by a satisfied, and very, VERY relieved 'aaaaahhhhhhhhhh.....'

[Genesis]

ROFL!

What you shouldn't say- ANYTHING. Never talk to pigs. It is not the smart course of action. 'no comment' is the way to go.

Did once tell two pigs in a van to hurry up and let me the fuck inside, because I desperately need a piss. They had nicked me, and driven me way out of town to some pig shop far away from my home, despite their BEING a pig shop far closer. And they knew I was desperate for a piss.

Kept me waiting until I was in pretty bad physical pain due to it. And I told them if they didn't let me the fuck in there right then and there (and thats the only time you'll ever here me TELL the filth to let me into a pig shop!) that I would whip it out and piss on either their meat wagon, or them, whichever was closest at the time. Moved towards the van, when they didn't let me use the bog and still kept me standing there. Whipped my knob out and took one LONG slash over their van, walking slowly around it, making sure to hose down under the driver's side and passenger side front door handles.

They didn't try stopping me either. Well, tried to start to come over to, but then they saw the look I gave the pair of them, and shook my head slowly. They backed off and I made them wait until I was finished emptying my bladder. Unfortunately I had cuffs on and couldn't get the petrol cap off the tank, or I'd have saved the majority of it for the engine, but I left them in no doubt whatsoever, that it was their lucky day to have been standing further from me, than I was from their vehicle and had that not been the case, they would have been the lucky recipients of a free crate of beer. Albeit one that had, unfortunately for them, already been consumed the previous evening.

The look those two filth wore on their snouts was, I have to say, one of the most hilarious sights I have seen in a long, long time. I don't think they were very happy about it, but they were on CCTV in their vehicle holding/loading bay thing, and there wasn't a damn thing they could do other than watch and wait until I had finished emptying MY tank. On their van, whilst just walking round it slowly and spraying away, with what I was trying for as an innocent smile on my face. followed by a satisfied, and very, VERY relieved 'aaaaahhhhhhhhhh.....'

[Lestat]

Well better out than in, no? it had to go somewhere by that time, and that place sure as hell was not going to be down my leg. Their's? that I'd not have had a problem with, and indeed it would have been preferable. But as it was, took the van as a consolation prize.

Way I see it is, if they are going to try and victimize me and treat me like dirt. I owe no civility to those who are not prepared to treat me with at the very minimum, what is statutorily mine. Such as the right to medical care and the latter not to be withheld for purposes of coercion. And being given meals whilst in captivity. That is not asking an awful lot, and indeed it is a fundamental entitlement, they HAVE to allow you to have food and potable fluid. Yet the bastards had made a big mistake the time before they last nicked me, again, pointlessly, wrongfully and without charges ever bring brought. But I went the best part of two days and a night without food, or access to the medication that I need. I didn't even expect them to provide the latter, I HAD it brought with me, all prescribed, pharmacy signed off etc.  But the bastards tried to pressure me into cracking at interview instead of telling them to go fuck a pig and going on with a no comment interview. Told me 'you'll get to take your meds faster if you just tell us what we want to know, otherwise you could be waiting hours for a doctor'

I didn't even NEED a doctor. Just not to be kept from the meds that I already had, with printed dosage instructions even a tiny, pencil-dicked shrivelled up vestigial porcine intellect could fathom. Unfortunately for them, I'd been doing a cycle on memantine for my memory and cognitive enhancement, and the stuff drops opioid tolerance like a stone and nearly nullifies withdrawal from that class of medication. But they planned to  both withhold my antiseizure meds and force me into withdrawing from the oxycodone and morphine I take as pain medication in order to effectively coerce by threat of torture answers during interview.
It went so far once when they did that, that it was by chance their in-house doctor saw me having a seizure and hit me with something, diazepam presumably, that brought me out of it.

So, I owed them no civil and courteous treatment. And as such, they were given none.

[Arya Quinn]

"Is that a taser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" 

"Officer, come quick! Some poor hooker stabbed herself 50 times and climbed into the boot of my car!"

[Genesis]

Officer! Officer! Theres a Rat in my car!!!!

[renaeden]

"Ociffer". They will think you're drunk, heh.

[Al Swearegen]

Call them Orfice-ers and Cunt-stables.

[Lestat]

Are you going to pull that truncheon out of your anus, or is it just there for decoration?

And LOL Al, I'm going to remember that one. 'orifice-ers', mind if I use that if the filth come round again for any reason, might just have to borrow 'cunstable', but definitely intend to use 'orificers'

The latter is definitely going into my personal lexicon of highly amusing or well-worded quotes. Right up there with the straight to the point 'post-ictal shitty' from kassiane S (mmmhhh...*purring at thought of said lady*)

[Gopher Gary]

Mind your own business. 

[Al Swearegen]

"Ten kilometers over the speed limit? Instead of trying to hassle me for some unreasonable arbitrary and abstract safe traveling speed for half a ton of metal, why aren't you arresting drug dealers from poisoning our youth, fraudsters ripping off old ladies, murderers killing our citizens? Fucking weak, donut eating arsehole. Now give me my ticket and spare me the condescending, sanctimonious telling off and get back to wasting your existence, hassling people".

[Gopher Gary]

I pay your salary. 

[Gopher Gary]

May I touch your gun? 

[Gopher Gary]

Can we ride with the siren on?