Starsigns!

[renaeden]

The whole Aquarian running around naked doesn't fit with me. I like clothes.

My sister is a Virgo and she has always kept a very clean house.

["couldbecousin"]

  I'm an Aries, but that personality profile doesn't fit me.  I would have been a Pisces,
  but I overslept/procrastinated, and I was born a week late.  So much for that fiery Aries energy. 

[Graelwyn]

I would much rather have been my ascendant or my moon sign... Aquarius and Pisces respectively.
I just don't much relate to the descriptions of Taurus, beyond being stubborn and, I suppose, liking attractive, homely things.

[Icequeen]

  I'm an Aries, but that personality profile doesn't fit me.  I would have been a Pisces,
  but I overslept/procrastinated, and I was born a week late.  So much for that fiery Aries energy. 

Aries

Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries.

Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it.

Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses.

Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35.

Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives.

Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler.

Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury.

Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius.

Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa.

People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire.

Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.

 

[renaeden]

Satan Aquarius?
 

[Icequeen]

Satan Aquarius?
 

 

["couldbecousin"]

  Holy shit!  Definitely not an Aries then!  Just a late Pisces. 

['andersom']

Only the virgo is holier than the bovine.

I'm almost a holy cow.

[Icequeen]

Only the virgo is holier than the bovine.

I'm almost a holy cow.

['andersom']

I'm wearing lots of silver cowbells. 

My mother is a Leo. 

Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.

[Icequeen]

My son is a Pisces too. 

['andersom']

My son is a Pisces too. 

Bet he can't remember what he was wearing on March 3 1981.

(Neither can I, btw.)