Starsigns!

[renaeden]

Resurrecting this thread, an interesting one. There are a few people who haven't posted what their starsigns are. Wondering now whether or not the months for most people born in (January and February) have changed now that we have different people here.

[Al Swearegen]

I am half man half horse.

[renaeden]

Which parts?

[Al Swearegen]

Which parts?

Very horsey looking face.....unfortuunately

[Icequeen]

Another Aquarius...

Your birthday numbers 1, 29 and 1967 reveal that your Life Path number is 8. It represents experience, authority and endeavor. You are gifted with natural leadership and the capacity to accumulate great wealth.

According to the ancient art of Chinese astrology (or Chinese zodiac), Horse is the mythical animal and Fire is the element of a person born on January 29, 1967.

Great wealth my ass. 

[Icequeen]

Now this might be close....

Aquarius

The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks.

Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it.

Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked.

97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians.

Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios.

Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.

Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts.

Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you.

Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub.

Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.

[Jack]

Now this might be close....

had to look for mine too. Never really believed in astrology. Leos are supposed to be leaders, artistic, materialistic, sales-people types, so never thought it much of a fit. Still not a fit, but at least humorous.

Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. Leos USUALLY never marry because no one is good enough for them. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. However, “radical cult leader” is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. - See more at: http://citymanthan.com/sarcastically-hilarious-zodiac-traits/#sthash.H0m4zOfR.dpuf

[Icequeen]

 

Here's were I found mine...they have a little bit longer descriptions.

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/humour/funny-horoscopes.php

[Jack]

Yes, that one is much better.

[Al Swearegen]

Oh Dear God....


Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

[Jack]

[Graelwyn]

Lord, this is an old one. Should have guessed I'd have stuck an astrology post somewhere on this forum 
It was a good thread though, some good responses.

[Icequeen]

Oh Dear God....


Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.

Both of my brothers...had they made it into this world would have been Sagittarians. My parents were both Capricorns.

[Icequeen]

My MIL.

Virgo

You are a pain in the ass.

You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched.

Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo".

Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too.

It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us.

Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God.

Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty.

Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer.

Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.

[Jack]

Jack clearly should have been a virgo.