Some things I really didn't need to know:
Elderly man and wife enter the ED. The male's in obvious distress, but he initially refused to elaborate in triage. Once roomed, he will not speak with his wife present.
When alone with staff, he finally tells us. He had a plastic Easter egg lodged deep his bum. Asked with what happened, he simply replies, "I wanted to know what it's like to be a chicken."
This one should be a good visual for keeping on a diet:
Aside from the barrage of household items sucked into the lower intestines of various men claiming they were straight and "please don't tell my wife," one of the most memorable foreign body moments was a woman who came into our ER complaining of pelvic pain. Well, that means you just signed up for a pelvic exam, all of which are performed by a doctor with a nurse also present to assist (me). The patient assumed the position, Doctor began the exam, run of the mill stuff, then says, "Oh... Nurse, could you hand me a specimen cup?" I had her one, and the doctor asks the patient, "Did you happen to insert anything into your vagina recently? You have some funny colored discharge and small pebble sized objects I'm removing..." The patient doesn't miss a beat and says, "Oh, those are just skittles. That's nothing new, I always put them in there because my boyfriend likes the taste. That whole 'taste the rainbow' thing." She had no idea that her self-inflicted candy-coated vagina, which she had been doing daily for the last week, was the cause of her discomfort.
