Graelwyn Grilling Time

[Graelwyn]

Yes, in Southampton, which is a port.

[McGiver]

would you care to talk about your bouts with anorexia?

[Graelwyn]

I am ok talking about it. It started when I was 13 with a diet. Silly really, another girl was going on a diet and I decided to follow suit. I was troubled already though at this point. But it wasn't too bad until I was 17, when I got worse. I left school 2 weeks before my final exams and the doctor diagnosed anorexia. It was easy to do, I suppose. I was intelligent enough to work everything out.. I loved making lists anyway, I now made lists of calories for everything and spent my days reading every calorie counter I could get my hands on. I suppose that is pretty aspergers, heh. I started abusing laxatives, and I avoided people like the plague. I didnt mix much anyway, but I became downright unpleasant at this point around anyone who visited me, and a few girls did. I dont remember this, but my mother told me.

At 18, I dropped down to 74ibs and I am 5'10. The village doctor had never had a case of anorexia, so he did not take any action other than to tell my parents I had 24 hours to live if I didn't start eating. I guess I got frightened as I did start eating and for a short time I was ok. But once I started college, a btec in performing arts,  I went downhill again. I left due to an issue with an older male on the course, and from 19 until 25, I was on and off laxatives. I stayed at around 118 ibs until I started working in London in the theatre after my parents split up. I didnt cope too well with the pressure and the people I suppose as I went a little crazy. I got back into weighing myself several times a day on different scales, I would go around trying on clothes to see if I could fit the smallest, my every waking moment was consumed with thoughts of my weight and my laxatives. I was taking 70 of them a day. Eventually, my kidneys failed and I was rushed into hospital. But I was manipulative and totally addicted and even in hospital they gave me laxatives as I threatened to pull my drip out if they didn't. I was back in twice more with kidney failure before I stopped taking the things. I started to improve when I found a new obsession to lose myself in, Doctor Who. My weight went up, I stopped taking the laxatives and was ok. I met my ex, moved to a new location, briefly went back to having eating issues but I have been fairly stable now for 4 years, although I still have body image issues and still try and keep a firm control of my weight.

I recently read that 18% of those with anorexia also fulfil the criteria for aspergers, interestingly. It is another obsession really, isn't it

[McGiver]

i am in awe.  and i just do not understand.  speechless.  me.

[Graelwyn]

In what sense are you in awe and in what sense don't you understand lol ? 

[McGiver]

In what sense are you in awe and in what sense don't you understand lol ? 

i am in awe because i cannot understand.  74 pounds!
anorexia involves not eating food, and i just love food so damn much.  i might even give up sex for food. especially all things fried.

[Callaway]

How are your kidneys now, Graelwyn?  Was there any lasting damage to them?

[Graelwyn]

No, not as far as I know, though I don't suppose my heart is wonderful as it did go into failure at one point without my realising. I was walking around London at the time, and had been to see a play with Rene Auberjonais, one of my obsessions at that time..(Odo in Star Trek DS9) He told my mother I looked very unwell. The next day, I took an overdose and they found out then that my heart had been failing. My bones and joints have suffered as a result, those are quite poor. And some might say my underactive thyroid is as a result of the anorexia. My smoking did more damage than the eating disorder actually, since I now have Copd, which is quite rare as I was only 28 when diagnosed.

McJagger... I love food also. Too much, maybe. It was a control thing and a total obsession. My weight, my bones and the calories I took in were all that mattered. That one number. I would even weigh myself after having a drink, and vomit after having a low fat yoghurt, I was that bad. At worst, I was living on 1/2 a ricecake a day. Now, I couldn't do it and wouldn't do it, as I know my body wouldn't take it again.

[Graelwyn]

Oooh, check out that posting time, lol. 11:10:22. Cool.

[Callaway]

My daughter had congestive heart failure when she was a baby, but her heart is really doing quite well now, all things considered.  Her problem was a big hole in her heart when she was born, but they fixed it when she was three weeks old.  Are there any medicines that can help your COPD, like asthma medicines or something?

[Graelwyn]

I refused an inhalor as I do not like taking medications in general and what I have is mild, thank God. I only really become aware of it when I do heavy exercise or it is damp outside.

[driftingblizzard]

Hmm, I have some of my favourite songs on a site called esnips, but not sure how much celtic is there. Have some nightwish there though. Some of that is quite beautiful, especially a song called 'Angels Fall First'. I listen to music almost as much as you do, though not quite as I sleep for 7-8 hours a night and cannot sleep with any noise...or any light. Anyway, here is link to my uploaded songs on esnips. You should be able to just click and play.They use windows media player.

[/quote]

Does this (needing total darkness and absolute quiet) an A-S thing?  I had been like that as a child, the only one of my family like that, it was quite frustrating.

[DirtDawg]

I enjoyed your esnips link. It's great to find people who have a wide variety in their musical tastes. Even when I worked with musicians, I was often in closed minded crowds, who thought that music had to be one way or it was not good. To me, music is like any other art. It's not just good or bad.

I noticed you had Nightwish in there, also. I've been playing them quite a bit today. I really love hard rockin' girls.

[Graelwyn]

Hmm, I have some of my favourite songs on a site called esnips, but not sure how much celtic is there. Have some nightwish there though. Some of that is quite beautiful, especially a song called 'Angels Fall First'. I listen to music almost as much as you do, though not quite as I sleep for 7-8 hours a night and cannot sleep with any noise...or any light. Anyway, here is link to my uploaded songs on esnips. You should be able to just click and play.They use windows media player.

Does this (needing total darkness and absolute quiet) an A-S thing?  I had been like that as a child, the only one of my family like that, it was quite frustrating.
[/quote]


Not sure, but my mother doesn't half kick up a stink about the fuss I make with having to put up extra covers over her windows when I visit. The first 2 nights there, I kept waking up throughout the night due to the light. I need almost total darkness to sleep. Dont think I have always been that way though, not sure. It is odd, at night, I have to have dark and total silence. In day, I need a lot of light, as much as possible.

Dawg... I am glad you liked some of it. I will add to it when I have time as I have lots more I am loving. If you have time, seek out a song by enya called Amarantine...or look at the lyrics. It is a beautiful song as is 'a moment lost' by Enya also.

[driftingblizzard]

I'm 44 now, and have quite grown out of it.  Going through the military caused me to HAVE to adjust.   They always kept lights on, just that at night, they shifted to a dim red glow.  There was always some sort of activity around the sleeping quarters.  However, they kept us so tired, I could have slept just about anywhere, under any conditions and had too at times.  I still prefer quiet and total darkness, but I can survive sleeping through a lot more now.  I think a lot of my characteristics have decreased over the years, due to enhanced copeing skills.  But it has helped to explain why I was wired like I was when I was younger...  My brothers would walk by and bang on my bedroom door while I was trying to go to sleep, or simply reach in and turn the switch on, knowing it would upset me.  I'd get to the point where I was to upset to even go to sleep.  If I didn't get into bed by 9 pm, I became agitated.  Nobody knew why back then.