Post something sickly humerous

[Peter]

i wonder if this guy thinks its funny?

why don't you ask one of his parents....

I don't think he has much appreciation of politics yet.

then ask your sister.

I very much doubt that my sister would find it funny.  We don't get along, and I try to avoid her as much as possible.  Life would be boring if we were all alike though.

care to discuss why the two of you do not get along?

Not really.  The usual over-bearing older sister crap.

alot of disapointment, eh?

More that she doesn't believe in Asperger's, or depression, and can't understand how other people aren't all as wonderfully successful as she's been.

[Nomaken]

Put my name back on there.  I am not saying it is unfunny, I am just saying I don't find it funny.  That story for the vote is funny in my opinion.

[McGiver]

Put my name back on there.  I am not saying it is unfunny, I am just saying I don't find it funny.  That story for the vote is funny in my opinion.

hi-ho Nomaken, to the rescue.

[Nomaken]

Mind you it is a little more difficult to find shit that makes murder and rape funny, but you can easily disprove people who think death can't be funny by giving them a darwin awards book.  That linked story about bush and babyrape isn't a bad example.  But it could be better.

[Peter]

Which of these do people find funny?

Hitler/Holocaust:

Hitler is at the edge of the burial hole in Auschwitz. Next to him is a string of prisoners.

"You!" says Hitler to the Jew next to him "lift your left foot like this and twist your left arm like this. Now jump!" The Jew jumps, while Hitler follows very carefully the fall.

"Now you!" says Hitler to a Polish "twist your right foot like this and lift both hands up like this. Now jump!" The Polish jumps, while Hitler again follows very carefully the fall.

"And you!" says Hitler to a Russian "bend over and lean to the front like this. Now jump!" The Russian jumps, and Hitler again is paying very much attention to the fall.

All of a sudden, a German soldier comes running to Hitler: "Heil Hitler!"

"Heil! What happened?"

"Mr. Goering kindly asked for your attendance to the Chief of Staff meeting as soon as you finish your Tetris."

Bestiality:

There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,"I chewed up all my masters shoes, and that's why I'm here".

The next dog said,"I peed on my masters $1,000 rug".

The next dog then comes in and say's,"My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!".

"And that's why you're here?" asked the other dogs. "No, I'm getting my nails clipped."

Animal cruelty:

How to Wash the Cat - by The Dog


1. Thoroughly clean the toilet (this step is optional).


2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted .


3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.


4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)


5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.


6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.


7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.


8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Date rape:

Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting public-house regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl.

There is a drug, called beer, that is essentially in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is that beer is available virtually anywhere!

All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks.

Please! Forward this to every male you know... However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predatory creatures administering them, there are male support groups with venues in every suburb where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with a bunch of similarly affected like-minded guys.

For the nearest venue near you just look up Pub in the yellow pages.

Incest

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

Paedophilia/murder

A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

[El]

They all have the elements of humor as an art, but about half of them are too disgusting to repeat, and I didn't laugh at any of them.

I'll tell a joke most people say is horribly sick, and I tell mostly to see peple's mixed reactions of amusement and disgust.  It's gross but not nessessarily offensive.

An old man and an old woman meet one night while playing Bingo.  They flirt a little, hit it off, and then go back to the woman's apartment afterward, where they get it on.  Afterward, the old man is thinking:

"If I had known she was still a virgin, I would have been more gentle."

And the old woman is thinking:

"If I had known he was still virile, I would have taken off my pantyhose."

Does that particular joke offend anyone, or did you just kind of wince?

[ozymandias]

They all have the elements of humor as an art, but about half of them are too disgusting to repeat, and I didn't laugh at any of them.

I'll tell a joke most people say is horribly sick, and I tell mostly to see peple's mixed reactions of amusement and disgust.  It's gross but not nessessarily offensive.

An old man and an old woman meet one night while playing Bingo.  They flirt a little, hit it off, and then go back to the woman's apartment afterward, where they get it on.  Afterward, the old man is thinking:

"If I had known she was still a virgin, I would have been more gentle."

And the old woman is thinking:

"If I had known he was still virile, I would have taken off my pantyhose."

Does that particular joke offend anyone, or did you just kind of wince?

That particular joke I found funny, not hilarious, but funny!

[El]

Just saw this one in my puns LJ community:

A jogger runs into a NAMBLA convention. His pedometer explodes.

[Peter]

http://ia300105.us.archive.org/1/items/modestproposal/modestproposal_swift.mp3

[Peter]

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[Nomaken]

Hitler/Holocaust:
Mildly funny.

Bestiality:
Funny.

Animal cruelty:
Shocking, but funny.

Date rape:
Hilarious.

Incest:
Disgusting(only because of my particular distaste of shit, not the incest), but hilarious.

Paedophilia/murder:
Hilarious.

Old man and old woman:
I thought it was neither offensive, nor disgusting, and kind of funny, so I may not have understood it correctly.

Jogger:
A small inner chuckle.

The beach sign:
Fuckin' hilarious.

[driftingblizzard]

I would only tell a dead baby joke around someone I didn't think would be offended.  I never tell racist jokes.  I do, however, tell and like sexist jokes, both anti-male and anti-female.  Only the ones with art, though.

Example of a sexist joke with art:  Adam says to God, "I'm lonely.  I want someone to share Eden with."  God replied,  "OK.  I'll make you somone.  She'll be beautisul, she'll cook for you, she'll clean for you, she'll have sex whenever you want her to and never say a cross word to you."  "Sounds great,"  says Adam.  "What'll she cost me?"  "Well, she'll cost you an arm and a leg."  "What can I get for a rib?"

Example of a sexist joke with no art:  Q.  Why can't women ski?  A.  There's no snow between the kitchen and the laundry room!

The latter joke just isn't funny.  Not because it's offensive (it's too dumb to offend me) but because it isn't clever.  My boyfriend bought Maddox's book of manliness and I couldn't stop laughing, looking at it.  THAT shit has art.  It's horrible, horrible, horrible, but there's humor in the offensiveness.

Here's another artless sexist joke, disturbingly so:

Wife:  Why don't you ever buy me jewelry?

Browbeat husband:  Jewelry?  Like What?

Wife:  I dunno, a watch maybe?

BBH:  What do you need a watch for? There's a perfectly good clock on the stove.

[Nomaken]

I don't know why I find this funny.  Probably because it was kind of clever to apply that text to that particular scene in hellsing, although the injuries are shopped on, i think.

[driftingblizzard]

Another that I thought particularly offensive, and almost unrepeatable, and definitely in very poor taste:

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?



Shouldn't  have to say anything, you've already told her twice.

[driftingblizzard]

Another that I thought particularly offensive, and almost unrepeatable, and definitely in very poor taste:

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?



Shouldn't  have to say anything, you've already told her twice.

However, an even worse and tasteless joke goes something like this:   (punch line deleted for obvious reasons)

Adam goes looking for Eve and finds her bathing in the river........