Questions for God

[Scrapheap]

How will I afford the rent in my new place ??

[ozymandias]

Ask your boss for a raise or get a hot supermodel as a roommate!

                                                                   --GOD

[Calandale]

Go for the supermodel. It's always nice
to have pretty things lying about.

[Scrapheap]

Ask your boss for a raise or get a hot supermodel as a roommate!

                                                                   --GOD

I'm not sure I could get Milla to move in with me.   

[ozymandias]

Well, I gave you free will and the brains to use it.  I'm out of the matchmaking business, Adam and Eve sort of ruined it for me!   

                                                                                                                       --GOD

[Scrapheap]

Well, I gave you free will and the brains to use it.  I'm out of the matchmaking business, Adam and Eve sort of ruined it for me!   

                                                                                                                       --GOD

Slacker !!!

[ozymandias]

Watch it Horndog!  I'v smited people with boils for less than that!    er.....   Gaaaaaaaaa, I must be getting soft in my eternal old age.  Look I can only satisfy 1 billion people a day and today is not your day, so use the feet that I gave you to kick your boss in the ass for a raise.  Then use the brains and charm I gave you to get that hot model you so crave.  sheesh   Free will, wtf, was I thinking, at least those Klingons got rid of their gods.  Now the Klingon gods are enjoying a sunny beachside retirement in Florida.  ME(god), if it wasn't a sin (that I made up) I'd be envious of them, well, I made my bed so I'll get back to your problem as soon as I can.  Just keep in mind the boils...I have my limits.....MORTAL.  Sorry, it's just been a trying day for me, so cut me some slack and we'll be cool, OK?

                                                                                              GOD (who now wishes he got a vasectomy eons ago)

[Calandale]

I'll give you that vasectomy.

Actually, I'll remove all your damned organs.

[ozymandias]

errrrr, I was speaking figuratively, I'm not exactly "biological".   Ok, somewhere, I threw a gene in the human genome that is responsible for this type of thinking,  DAMN, where did I do that...........Look, I'll go back and see where I screwed up and then I'll get back to you.
{damn why didn't I stick with the Klingons....I seriously need a break}

                                                                                                           --GOD

[Calandale]

You shouldn't have made angels who can
challenge your petty dictatorship. But,
you fucked up, and we shall overcome.

[ozymandias]

Don't confront me with my failures, I'v not forgotten them.   But, they were the ones who wanted a "petty dictatorship", not me.  Yeah, I fucked up big on those douche bags.  As for overcoming, be my guest, angels are the biggest attention whores in the universe and the biggest micromanagers of all time.  Without attention they shrivel up and die.  You get those evangelicals to shut their traps for 5 seconds, there wouldn't be an angel left anywhere.  Angels are such pansy ass wussies......ah, thats what I get for tinkering too far.  At least Satan had some originality and cajones.  ME,  I  miss that big lug!

                                 --GOD

[Calandale]

You shouldn't have sicked your little pretty boys with their
pointy sticks on us then. We will be back, and we shall win
over the majority of your pansies, this time.

[Scrapheap]

  At least Satan had some originality and cajones.  ME,  I  miss that big lug!

                                 --GOD

Do you want to replace Sadam as Satans lover ??

[ozymandias]

You shouldn't have sicked your little pretty boys with their
pointy sticks on us then. We will be back, and we shall win
over the majority of your pansies, this time.

Go for it, you sick twisted individual.   I won't be shedding any tears over those douche bag angels.  Fucking anal retentive wussies.  Flouncing around in their feathery wings and gowns and trying to tell me how to do my job.  If I had to do it all over again.  I would have sent them down to hell and kept Satan around.....at least he had a sense of humor.

                                                                                        ----GOD

[ozymandias]

  At least Satan had some originality and cajones.  ME,  I  miss that big lug!

                                 --GOD

Do you want to replace Sadam as Satans lover ??

Nah, I'm asexual.  Satan just had a wicked good sense of humor and much better perspective about things in general.  Maddam Hussein was just a douchebag.  Satan just used him for a punching bag...he was basically just a boil on the buttocks of the world.  Sort of a lower level petty dictator, not even worth making a minor demon or satanic minion.  I think he was made a mod at wp, and thats about as low as you can sink in the demonic hierarchy.   

                                           --GOD