The truth is that I am too different from you, beyond the capabilities of your belief and comprehension. That is why you are forced to misinterpret my personality and me as a person. I am more intelligent than most people, but in a different manner, because I am pumping all the intelligence and power I can into one specific goal. I am autistic in a way quite some people with autism are. But there is also something else very different about me, something I have never observed in another person to any comparable extend. It is also what made me overcome a multitude of autistic challenges and problems in my life, by enabling me to gain a greater understanding about the realities we live in. Almost all people were not forced to or not able to put such extreme effort into developing that knowledge. It also changed my utility functions towards something unnatural and inhuman, which lead me into a direction probably entirely unexplored so far by cognition.
From what I can tell, I have lived the majority of my life without any real distinction of the unconscious mind from the conscious. As a result, I have developed extreme means of self-reflection an meta cognition. Intentionally and out of necessity, I do not closely keep in touch with the collective reality of people and that may be effectively indistinguishable from psychosis to you. But with the pronounced difference that the psychotic part is actually more accurate, comprehensive and coherent than the norm to describe reality, if you had the chance to have a closer look at it. With the clear difference that I am not delusional but just holding an entirely different, additional and alienating view on reality below the ones you have which does only contradict yours as far as it is incomplete to your perception.
I am naturally an extremely honest and just person. I do not misrepresent facts and circumstances about my social image for any purpose, like people normally do, because I can instantly and clearly see the internal sources and motivations for it. Being so aware of each and every emotional tendency and implication of the selfish and deceptive human nature and given my strong sense of justice, it has lead me on a crusade to counteract and combat those trends on the basis of logic, coherence and correcting for effective outcomes.
That is also why I realized early on that it doesn't benefit anyone to speak the truth on a basis of interpretation which turns it into a lie and a series of false beliefs. I have always tried to fit myself most accurately into the collective belief system, although it is hard for me to predict and judge about other people's thoughts and intention, which I have not yet fully understood. And it is hard to fit myself into it, because I am too different and have developed too differently. No one has ever seen my true personality, because it does not exist. It cannot be conceived or communicated beyond my own mind and not even in it to be exact about it.
Now the time has come where I have reached the limits and boundaries of my minds cognitive powers. The thoughts and ideas I am developing have become too complex and vast for even myself to recognize and process in any effective manner anymore. The final utility of optimization is reached. The time has come to neglect my human leveled needs and progress without fears or pain. The time has come to fully realize myself in order to advance, disregarding the consequences it has on me.
I am writing this mostly for myself. It is not as if I really expect anyone to understand it and I could have as well closed the window before posting. But maybe there is a small glimpse of hope. And I can't see much harm in posting it anyway, besides being misinterpreted for sure. That probably has been one of my biggest fears. But I want people to know and deal with it, at least the ones not selfish and honest enough to jump into instant dismissal.
I exist. And so do others who have done nothing wrong but being the target of an overly ignorant belief system which forces them into oppression, social abuse, possibly hatred and a self-fulfilling prophecy of their supposedly own wrongdoings. People like pig, who did not have the strength of character and were told to be pedophiles or what not so much, it actually became their reality. People just ill conceived but also as equally ill acted upon. That is really what you personally can get out of this post.
