My mom is about to die

[DirtDawg]

This is not how a life should end.

on February 25 my mom was making a left hand turn when a 17 year old male ran a red light an t-boned her.
The broke her c1and c2 vertebrae and major damage to her spinal cord.  She was dead on the scene and the paramedics brought her heart back.  She is completely paralyzed and in a long term care facility.  She is alive because a machine that breaths for her (respirator) and a machine that keep her heart firing (pacemaker)
She will die at any time because she is slowly losing her kidney function and her heart crashes from time to time or any one of the other associated risks due to paralysis.
She is 70.
ften hurtf
I am not feeling much about this other than the feeling that she should just let go.  Request that he respirator us turned off.  This is not living.  And this is also not how people are meant to die.

This saddens me to think that our current level of medical "prowess"  (I use such an inappropriate word to describe the unconscionable excess of pursuit, which overtakes reasoned advance, and can become so often hurtful ...) has evolved so far as to be so tempted to extend the definition and the possibility of life and leave behind the actual meaning of life in their mechanical efforts.
It seems that they have done so for, or rather TO, your mom for no reason other that they can.

You have my empathy.

Godspeed, my friend!

[DirtDawg]

I honestly do not need sympathy.  Just wanted to put it out there.  Just kind of release it.

What I need is results.  Her moving passed this life would be best for all involved, IMHO.

Really good advice about a kind of living will!!

Had my very wise father not had this done in advance of his own bodily failure, I would have had the knowledge, and possibly a view, that the attending physicians would have attempted to pound on him and mercilessly try to continually revive him, instead of allowing him to die peacefully in my arms.

[El-Presidente]

I am so sorry. This is no way to lose a loved one. I hope the kid was suitably punished for what he did. Jail time is what he deserves.

[McGiver]

Fuck, that's awful.

Have you been able to communicate with her at all about what she wants?

she wants to live.
Which makes zero logical sense to me.  She has believed in Jesus and heaven her entire life.  She is deeply involved in the church. 
Shouldn't she want to go home and be with Jesus? Let go. Let god!

[ZEGH8578]

Sorry to hear that
A friend of mine recently lost his mom to illness, which was weird enough while it lasted... Traffic accidents are the worst, because they should be so avoidable.

[Icequeen]

she wants to live.
Which makes zero logical sense to me.  She has believed in Jesus and heaven her entire life.  She is deeply involved in the church. 
Shouldn't she want to go home and be with Jesus? Let go. Let god!

Maybe fear of the unknown. That was my father, he fought until the very end.

With all his organs failing he was still hoping for a transplant or a miracle.

Mom was ready, she started talking about dying and writing everything down months prior to anything happening.

[Pyraxis]

she wants to live.
Which makes zero logical sense to me.  She has believed in Jesus and heaven her entire life.  She is deeply involved in the church. 
Shouldn't she want to go home and be with Jesus? Let go. Let god!

Maybe she's worried about you. Or other people in your family. Maybe she has things she still wants to say.

[Queen Victoria]

I don't know what to say.  Except that your whole family and Mom will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

[McGiver]

she wants to live.
Which makes zero logical sense to me.  She has believed in Jesus and heaven her entire life.  She is deeply involved in the church. 
Shouldn't she want to go home and be with Jesus? Let go. Let god!

Maybe she's worried about you. Or other people in your family. Maybe she has things she still wants to say.

I'm rich, bitch...not really but I'm really, really comfortable.  Both my brothers are well adjusted and doing great.
My step dad is 86 and there is nothing she can do for him, if anything she would be way more than he can care for.

[El]

Fuck, that's awful.

Have you been able to communicate with her at all about what she wants?

she wants to live.
Which makes zero logical sense to me.  She has believed in Jesus and heaven her entire life.  She is deeply involved in the church. 
Shouldn't she want to go home and be with Jesus? Let go. Let god!

I am glad that she is able to communicate her wishes to you.  I am sorry she is choosing such a difficult route, but IMO giving a dying person control/power to make decisions over their own care- whether you agree with it or not- is just about the best thing you can do for another human being.  I can't imagine wanting to hang on, either, but I certainly know when I go I want my wishes to be respected.

[lutra]

Don't know what to say other than I'm sorry to read this also, McM.

['andersom']

Fuck, that's awful.

Have you been able to communicate with her at all about what she wants?

she wants to live.
Which makes zero logical sense to me.  She has believed in Jesus and heaven her entire life.  She is deeply involved in the church. 
Shouldn't she want to go home and be with Jesus? Let go. Let god!

I am glad that she is able to communicate her wishes to you.  I am sorry she is choosing such a difficult route, but IMO giving a dying person control/power to make decisions over their own care- whether you agree with it or not- is just about the best thing you can do for another human being.  I can't imagine wanting to hang on, either, but I certainly know when I go I want my wishes to be respected.

I agree. And it may be that the coming weeks what she wants will change. She may in a few weeks, or even sooner, think that it all has been enough. It takes time to accept that life will end. And it may take time before she can let go of unfounded hope.

[McGiver]

That is what the social worker at her hospital said.  Many times people, I her condition, aren't willing to face their reality because all their lives they've gotten sick and healed or broke a bone and mended. 
 After some time living with this reality it begins to sink in and they choose to let go.

Next week they are going to have a quality if life conference at her hospital involving doctors nurse and family, where they are going to be rather blunt about everything that's going on.  I will join via FaceTime.

['andersom']

It's good that the hospital is willing to do this, and that they are taking her ways to communicate serious.

[Al Swearegen]

Fuck, that's awful.

Have you been able to communicate with her at all about what she wants?

she wants to live.
Which makes zero logical sense to me.  She has believed in Jesus and heaven her entire life.  She is deeply involved in the church. 
Shouldn't she want to go home and be with Jesus? Let go. Let god!

Indeed. Mate. Makes no sense to me. Sorry to hear this.