What have you done today?

["couldbecousin"]

I don't think Alzheimer's would present like this, though, and neither did my doc.

That's good to hear. My psychiatrist didn't think I needed to worry either. Still, I don't like this forgetting business. 

No, it's pretty awful.

This is more about me thinking that I don't know what the words mean, though. Well, I think so.

For a brief period at about age 13, I was very compulsive about reading all my notes, from all my classes, every night, from the beginning. As the term went on, that got to be a LOT of notes. And if I lost my concentration while reading, I would go all the way back and start over. I wasn't really studying in an effective way, just going through a pointless and rather punishing OCD exercise. Reading in that very self-conscious way can definitely begin to make things NOT make sense, it all begins to look like    ...which could probably make you question your comprehension skills.

I've started translating stuff to Swedish while I read but that ruins the flow, obviously, and I start doubting myself for every word I don't translate, if that makes sense.

(I know, this whole thing doesn't make sense.)

Ruining the flow  is exactly what bothered me about the way I was reading at that time in school! I didn't trust myself to retain the information unless it entered my head in an unbroken stream. I don't know why I worried about that, since I'd found reading easy (though I have always "skipped around"; maybe I was trying to impose discipline on myself).

And I read only in English, so I've never had the experience of translating from one language into another. 

[odeon]

I can barely read a sentence before the OCD kicks in and forces me to read it again, thinking that I don't understand the words. Whatever meaning there was disappears and there's this weird emptiness instead.

Ruining the flow  is exactly what bothered me about the way I was reading at that time in school! I didn't trust myself to retain the information unless it entered my head in an unbroken stream. I don't know why I worried about that, since I'd found reading easy (though I have always "skipped around"; maybe I was trying to impose discipline on myself).

And I read only in English, so I've never had the experience of translating from one language into another. 

That's a very good description. That's pretty much what it is like. It's a combination of lacking focus and me feeling forced to go back and try to make sense of it all, needing to log every single word.

["couldbecousin"]

I can barely read a sentence before the OCD kicks in and forces me to read it again, thinking that I don't understand the words. Whatever meaning there was disappears and there's this weird emptiness instead.

Ruining the flow  is exactly what bothered me about the way I was reading at that time in school! I didn't trust myself to retain the information unless it entered my head in an unbroken stream. I don't know why I worried about that, since I'd found reading easy (though I have always "skipped around"; maybe I was trying to impose discipline on myself).

And I read only in English, so I've never had the experience of translating from one language into another. 

That's a very good description. That's pretty much what it is like. It's a combination of lacking focus and me feeling forced to go back and try to make sense of it all, needing to log every single word.

Wow, exactly! 

[DirtDawg]

I went to the store for milk. Not that exciting, right?  While I was walking into the store I noticed a major storm cloud approaching, basically the entire horizon had taken on the color and texture of roiling, boiling pitch. I tried to hustle inside the store, but it took way too long for the inconsiderate people in front of me to finish.

About one second after I placed my bank card into the slot (paying most efficiently and getting the fuck out as quickly as possible), I felt the entire building shake from very close thunder. I decided to brave the ridiculous rain and wind and ran to my car - I rarely actually  run these days, but today, I ran like a lone wolf chased by every Hound of the Baskervilles - I still got soaked.  I had made it about nine steps (not even one twentieth of the way to the car yet) The clouds seemed to do a wet sneeze all over the entire neighborhood; major wind, an almost totally solid sheet of W3TN3SS.  I had not a single dry thread on when i slammed my car door and I could not see the car parked in the spot in front of my car.  I sat there for a moment, wondering if I was still breathing or if I had suddenly developed gills.

I was not far from home, but I drove very slowly through the storm. I sat in teh driveway of my house for over ten minutes waiting for the storm to subside a bit, so I could run inside.

The Storm was waiting for me.

Once I finally finished the top half of my pipe, I decided to just go for it. It was not two minutes after I decided to get even more soaked to the marrow, this driving stampede of rain slowed down to a worm crawl.


The storm had indeed waited for me.

["couldbecousin"]

I went to the store for milk. Not that exciting, right?  While I was walking into the store I noticed a major storm cloud approaching, basically the entire horizon had taken on the color and texture of roiling, boiling pitch. I tried to hustle inside the store, but it took way too long for the inconsiderate people in front of me to finish.

About one second after I placed my bank card into the slot (paying most efficiently and getting the fuck out as quickly as possible), I felt the entire building shake from very close thunder. I decided to brave the ridiculous rain and wind and ran to my car - I rarely actually  run these days, but today, I ran like a lone wolf chased by every Hound of the Baskervilles - I still got soaked.  I had made it about nine steps (not even one twentieth of the way to the car yet) The clouds seemed to do a wet sneeze all over the entire neighborhood; major wind, an almost totally solid sheet of W3TN3SS.  I had not a single dry thread on when i slammed my car door and I could not see the car parked in the spot in front of my car.  I sat there for a moment, wondering if I was still breathing or if I had suddenly developed gills.

I was not far from home, but I drove very slowly through the storm. I sat in teh driveway of my house for over ten minutes waiting for the storm to subside a bit, so I could run inside.
The Storm was waiting for me.

Once I finally finished the top half of my pipe, I decided to just go for it. It was not two minutes after I decided to get even more soaked to the marrow, this driving stampede of rain slowed down to a worm crawl.


The storm had indeed waited for me.

  for vivid storytelling!

[Queen Victoria]

I've begun climbing up out of a mental slump! 

Ditto

["couldbecousin"]

I've begun climbing up out of a mental slump! 

Ditto

Thank you both. 

['andersom']

I don't think Alzheimer's would present like this, though, and neither did my doc.

That's good to hear. My psychiatrist didn't think I needed to worry either. Still, I don't like this forgetting business. 

No, it's pretty awful.

This is more about me thinking that I don't know what the words mean, though. Well, I think so.

For a brief period at about age 13, I was very compulsive about reading all my notes, from all my classes, every night, from the beginning. As the term went on, that got to be a LOT of notes. And if I lost my concentration while reading, I would go all the way back and start over. I wasn't really studying in an effective way, just going through a pointless and rather punishing OCD exercise. Reading in that very self-conscious way can definitely begin to make things NOT make sense, it all begins to look like    ...which could probably make you question your comprehension skills.

Part of the reasons why I did not manage to finish my studies.

I got more and more disoriented too, when reading. Just stopping comprehending a thing, while still reading the words. And then zone out completely.
Sometimes reading out loud would help. Because I could still understand when I heard the words, but not when reading them, so I kind of read them out loud, and only would understand them when I heard them. If that makes sense.

["couldbecousin"]

I don't think Alzheimer's would present like this, though, and neither did my doc.

That's good to hear. My psychiatrist didn't think I needed to worry either. Still, I don't like this forgetting business. 

No, it's pretty awful.

This is more about me thinking that I don't know what the words mean, though. Well, I think so.

For a brief period at about age 13, I was very compulsive about reading all my notes, from all my classes, every night, from the beginning. As the term went on, that got to be a LOT of notes. And if I lost my concentration while reading, I would go all the way back and start over. I wasn't really studying in an effective way, just going through a pointless and rather punishing OCD exercise. Reading in that very self-conscious way can definitely begin to make things NOT make sense, it all begins to look like    ...which could probably make you question your comprehension skills.

Part of the reasons why I did not manage to finish my studies.

I got more and more disoriented too, when reading. Just stopping comprehending a thing, while still reading the words. And then zone out completely.
Sometimes reading out loud would help. Because I could still understand when I heard the words, but not when reading them, so I kind of read them out loud, and only would understand them when I heard them. If that makes sense.

It does make sense. I should try it myself!

[DirtDawg]

I went to the store for milk. Not that exciting, right?  While I was walking into the store I noticed a major storm cloud approaching, basically the entire horizon had taken on the color and texture of roiling, boiling pitch. I tried to hustle inside the store, but it took way too long for the inconsiderate people in front of me to finish.

About one second after I placed my bank card into the slot (paying most efficiently and getting the fuck out as quickly as possible), I felt the entire building shake from very close thunder. I decided to brave the ridiculous rain and wind and ran to my car - I rarely actually  run these days, but today, I ran like a lone wolf chased by every Hound of the Baskervilles - I still got soaked.  I had made it about nine steps (not even one twentieth of the way to the car yet) The clouds seemed to do a wet sneeze all over the entire neighborhood; major wind, an almost totally solid sheet of W3TN3SS.  I had not a single dry thread on when i slammed my car door and I could not see the car parked in the spot in front of my car.  I sat there for a moment, wondering if I was still breathing or if I had suddenly developed gills.

I was not far from home, but I drove very slowly through the storm. I sat in teh driveway of my house for over ten minutes waiting for the storm to subside a bit, so I could run inside.
The Storm was waiting for me.

Once I finally finished the top half of my pipe, I decided to just go for it. It was not two minutes after I decided to get even more soaked to the marrow, this driving stampede of rain slowed down to a worm crawl.


The storm had indeed waited for me.

  for vivid storytelling!

LoL

Thanks. Your words are direct, yet kind as they cast warm shadows upon my heart.

I am not sure if it is more a reflection upon my lack of talent that no one reads of about ninety nine point nine percent of my imagination or the varying factors that I have had to suffer, each causing trouble in its own way regarding my being published, reflects upon society as a whole.  

It is much easier to think of it all as my own fault and just keep going. I will never stop, I will never become discouraged, despite the fact most of the really weighty and well thought out stuff just falls out of my mouth, moment by moment, and never is written down at all.  Hell, I hear that dead poets fucking rule. I await my own chance at a crown of thorns, completely free of any hate for or ambition toward the present emperor's  reign.
 


I have never stopped writing, but I have not yet published more than a few reviews of music.

LoL
 

[odeon]

I don't think Alzheimer's would present like this, though, and neither did my doc.

That's good to hear. My psychiatrist didn't think I needed to worry either. Still, I don't like this forgetting business. 

No, it's pretty awful.

This is more about me thinking that I don't know what the words mean, though. Well, I think so.

For a brief period at about age 13, I was very compulsive about reading all my notes, from all my classes, every night, from the beginning. As the term went on, that got to be a LOT of notes. And if I lost my concentration while reading, I would go all the way back and start over. I wasn't really studying in an effective way, just going through a pointless and rather punishing OCD exercise. Reading in that very self-conscious way can definitely begin to make things NOT make sense, it all begins to look like    ...which could probably make you question your comprehension skills.

Part of the reasons why I did not manage to finish my studies.

I got more and more disoriented too, when reading. Just stopping comprehending a thing, while still reading the words. And then zone out completely.
Sometimes reading out loud would help. Because I could still understand when I heard the words, but not when reading them, so I kind of read them out loud, and only would understand them when I heard them. If that makes sense.

Perfect sense.

Can you read books now?

['andersom']

I don't think Alzheimer's would present like this, though, and neither did my doc.

That's good to hear. My psychiatrist didn't think I needed to worry either. Still, I don't like this forgetting business. 

No, it's pretty awful.

This is more about me thinking that I don't know what the words mean, though. Well, I think so.

For a brief period at about age 13, I was very compulsive about reading all my notes, from all my classes, every night, from the beginning. As the term went on, that got to be a LOT of notes. And if I lost my concentration while reading, I would go all the way back and start over. I wasn't really studying in an effective way, just going through a pointless and rather punishing OCD exercise. Reading in that very self-conscious way can definitely begin to make things NOT make sense, it all begins to look like    ...which could probably make you question your comprehension skills.

Part of the reasons why I did not manage to finish my studies.

I got more and more disoriented too, when reading. Just stopping comprehending a thing, while still reading the words. And then zone out completely.
Sometimes reading out loud would help. Because I could still understand when I heard the words, but not when reading them, so I kind of read them out loud, and only would understand them when I heard them. If that makes sense.

Perfect sense.

Can you read books now?

Depends.

At the moment not so well. I can do a simple story. And shorter things. And, online reading goes well too.
But the thought of some bigger things related to my studies almost frighten me, knowing I will get lost and bewildered.
If that changes one day, I may try going for my masters. Only one year of work to do. But at the moment it is unthinkable.

I also noticed I find it easier to read on things that I experience and work with in practical life, than reading something theoretical without a connection to what I am doing.

Thanks for bringing this subject up btw. Makes it clearer for me. I thought it was one of my, only few, dyslectic traits acting up, getting disoriented in texts. But this makes more sense.

['andersom']

I've started translating stuff to Swedish while I read but that ruins the flow, obviously, and I start doubting myself for every word I don't translate, if that makes sense.

(I know, this whole thing doesn't make sense.)

It has helped me to use English-English dictionaries and German-German (though the quality of the latter is abominable). Not switching between languages helped keep up the flow, even when using a dictionary.

[SBI_Patience]

My day has only just started, so I guess my day started here.

["couldbecousin"]

My day has only just started, so I guess my day started here.

And what better place?