Meadow, at this point in time i dunno whether this will be seen as constructive or uncomplimentary, but here goes.
I do actually believe that what you shared to us about your past is true. I do not think that it is something that you are responsible for nor do i think that what happened to you was right or fair. In THIS you were victimised and the victim.
That was a long time ago though Meadow and that can not be the total sum of your identity.
You are more than your status as a rape victim or an abused child or a handicapped lady. You may be some or all of these things but you are more than that.
If you need support for that you need therapy and medication and time. If you want recognition for these aspects to yuorself then this forum probably not the best place for you.
Behind the username of each person here is a an adult who has lived their life to date as an outsider and a Neurologically dissimilar human. A one percenter. Sometimes as a result and sometimes not, many of the people here too, throughout or at some point, have been abused and/or felt lonely and isolation. We struggle through and get on with things best we can. We do not come here for support or to elicit sympathy and we do not get it. We are here for the communication and for the community (at least that is why I am here for). We kno that this is not a support site and we recognise that we are all spazzes. It does not mean that you are better than Odeon or Callaway or whomenever you are upset with. That applies the other way too. We give no more consideration to his issues as we do others. Why? Because we are spazzes and we recognise we are all in the same boat.
I for one would like to see more of your identity other than what was done to you. I think you are more than Meadow the handicapped Autistic woman that was abused when she was a girl.
Maybe Meadow with interesting thoughts and perspective on things, Maybe Meadow with a weird and/or wonderful sense of huimour about things, maybe a Meadow with religious, philospohical, sociological, political or whatever other viewpoint. Maybe a Meadow who can open up discussions on things and throw in her two cents.
In the meantime you can fight and you can tell us that we are individually or collectively evil and whatever but it will not address anything. I don't know what you are considering will be a result of doing so? Maybe to get people to accept a blame that you want them to accept taht they do not feel incline to accept? For people to let you throw punches unchecked? For people to placate you?
Just not sure. I am pretty sure none of these things will eventuate. I think you are after a level of control that you and no-one posessesI do not think you want or need this. Maybe stepping away from the fight would be best for you, fight doesn't seem to have any good outcomes.
Please reflect on what I have said here.