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Author Topic: make someone laugh, pt 2  (Read 51869 times)

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Offline Al Swearegen

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #690 on: February 21, 2013, 06:31:28 AM »


The girls are cute. The guys are a worry.
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I2 today is not i2 of yesteryear. It is a knitting circle. Those that participate be they nice or asshats know their place and the price to be there. Odeon is the overlord

.Benevolent if you toe the line.

Think it is I2 of old? Even Odeon is not so delusional as to think otherwise. He may on occasionally pretend otherwise but his base is that knitting circle.

Censoring/banning/restricting/moderating myself, Calanadale & Scrapheap were all not his finest moments.

How to apologise to Scrap

midlifeaspie

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #691 on: February 21, 2013, 10:54:33 AM »
Quote from: Al Swearengen on February 21, 2013, 06:31:28 AM


The girls are cute. The guys are a worry.

These guys seem to have too much time on their hands  :lol1:
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Offline skyblue1

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #692 on: February 21, 2013, 06:03:46 PM »
Imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL


TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
 
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS.
GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.
NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA .
THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

 
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Offline Bastet

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #693 on: February 21, 2013, 06:42:46 PM »
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:kitten: OBSESSIVE AILUROPHILE :kitten:


It is far better for people to hate you for doing the right thing than for people to love you for doing the wrong thing. Never ever forget that.

Offline Al Swearegen

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #694 on: February 23, 2013, 05:00:16 AM »
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I2 today is not i2 of yesteryear. It is a knitting circle. Those that participate be they nice or asshats know their place and the price to be there. Odeon is the overlord

.Benevolent if you toe the line.

Think it is I2 of old? Even Odeon is not so delusional as to think otherwise. He may on occasionally pretend otherwise but his base is that knitting circle.

Censoring/banning/restricting/moderating myself, Calanadale & Scrapheap were all not his finest moments.

How to apologise to Scrap

Offline Al Swearegen

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #695 on: February 24, 2013, 01:11:41 AM »
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I2 today is not i2 of yesteryear. It is a knitting circle. Those that participate be they nice or asshats know their place and the price to be there. Odeon is the overlord

.Benevolent if you toe the line.

Think it is I2 of old? Even Odeon is not so delusional as to think otherwise. He may on occasionally pretend otherwise but his base is that knitting circle.

Censoring/banning/restricting/moderating myself, Calanadale & Scrapheap were all not his finest moments.

How to apologise to Scrap

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #696 on: February 25, 2013, 05:24:27 PM »
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Quote from: odeon on April 30, 2010, 01:35:57 AM
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
Quote from: Lit on November 02, 2013, 10:24:49 AM
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
Quote from: ProfessorFarnsworth on September 23, 2012, 01:16:21 AM
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #697 on: February 25, 2013, 05:30:47 PM »
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Quote from: odeon on April 30, 2010, 01:35:57 AM
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
Quote from: Lit on November 02, 2013, 10:24:49 AM
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
Quote from: ProfessorFarnsworth on September 23, 2012, 01:16:21 AM
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #698 on: February 25, 2013, 05:32:38 PM »

...I feel like this is actually legitimately good information.   :zombiefuck:
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Quote from: odeon on April 30, 2010, 01:35:57 AM
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
Quote from: Lit on November 02, 2013, 10:24:49 AM
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
Quote from: ProfessorFarnsworth on September 23, 2012, 01:16:21 AM
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #699 on: February 25, 2013, 05:50:00 PM »
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Quote from: odeon on April 30, 2010, 01:35:57 AM
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
Quote from: Lit on November 02, 2013, 10:24:49 AM
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
Quote from: ProfessorFarnsworth on September 23, 2012, 01:16:21 AM
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #700 on: February 26, 2013, 01:19:23 AM »
Quote from: PMS Elle on February 25, 2013, 05:32:38 PM

...I feel like this is actually legitimately good information.   :zombiefuck:

 :zombiefuck:

Really? Now I'm scared.
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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #701 on: February 26, 2013, 07:33:14 PM »
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Quote from: odeon on April 30, 2010, 01:35:57 AM
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
Quote from: Lit on November 02, 2013, 10:24:49 AM
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
Quote from: ProfessorFarnsworth on September 23, 2012, 01:16:21 AM
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Jack

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #702 on: February 26, 2013, 07:41:41 PM »
:laugh: Dr. Bob.
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Offline Bastet

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #703 on: February 26, 2013, 07:55:39 PM »
lawl
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:kitten: OBSESSIVE AILUROPHILE :kitten:


It is far better for people to hate you for doing the right thing than for people to love you for doing the wrong thing. Never ever forget that.

Offline ProfessorFarnsworth

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Re: make someone laugh, pt 2
« Reply #704 on: February 26, 2013, 08:00:17 PM »
Quote from: PMS Elle on February 25, 2013, 05:32:38 PM
...I feel like this is actually legitimately good information.   :zombiefuck:

And all the things I'd be uncomfortable in doing as I feel it's not honest and mere sugar coating. I couldn't be with a woman like that.

My checklist would be more like:

Being "needy" = two can play this mind game, I will make you regret that
Being silent = whatever, can't help if you don't say shit
Wanting "physical attention" = seductive asshole mode engaged
Being insecure = pull yourself together you got this <issue>, here's <solution> to deal with it.
Crying for no reason = then I'll give her a hug and then pseudo-pyschologist mode engaged
She's extremely pissed off at you for any or no reason = RUN LIKE FUCK, SPARE YOUR TESTICLES!
Giving you shit over something trivial = Antagonize until she's royally pissed off for entertainment. Then follow the above.
She gives you that "death stare" = Don't touch anything, do not make eye contact, walk away slowly.
Being too "excitable" = Good luck with that, just don't give her any sweets or you'll experience "the crash" effect.
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Existence actually has two broad meanings despite its apparent meaningless. The constant reconciliation of all its parts, and the conservation of any closed system as a whole.

Morality can be extrapolated from these meanings to make these two commandments of godless morality: 1). Be in harmony with one another and 2). Care for the environment.
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