make someone laugh, pt 2

[DirtDawg]

 

[DirtDawg]

Sometimes even the best dads get it wrong.

BASSMASTER. Bass is a game fish and common logo for fishing supplies, in the case for those unfamiliar with the marketing strategy, now you might get it.

[DirtDawg]

Best friend.

[DirtDawg]

 

[DirtDawg]

Some don't know when to give up.

[DirtDawg]

I was at a restaurant last night and ordered Lobster.
Finished all my appetizers, getting annoyed at the wait.

Waiter eventually bought my dinner out.

I was agast and said to him "HEY, this lobster only has one claw!"

He says "We have so many in the tanks and this one got into a fight."

So I said, "Well, HELL, then why don't you bring me the winner!"

[DirtDawg]

Grandma comes in with an armload of fresh vegetables from the table garden and finds Grandpa in the kitchen.

She says, "Oh! Hi! Are you cooking supper tonight?"

Grandpa says, "Sure. I'm hungry."  So Gramdma asked, "What are we having?"

Grandpa says, "I don't know yet, but the grease is hot."




This is not some joke thing I copied somewhere, like all the others,  but an actual memory from my childhood. Laugh a bit though, because it really is kind of funny if you think about it.
Actually, my grandpa made the best fried carrots, right out of his garden, I have ever had!

[DirtDawg]

There’s a bunch of jokes in Louisiana based upon a pair of fictitious cajuns named Boudreaux & Thibodeaux. Here’s one that an old friend told me several years ago:

Boudreaux is sitting on his gallery ( what you guys call a porch) and Thibodeaux drives up with a truckload of tape. Boudreax asks him what is doing with all of that tape. Thibodeaux saya he’s going hunting. Hours later Boudreaux watches Thibodeaux driving back with a truckload of ducks!
Next day Boudreaux watches Thibodeaux drives up with a truckload of cat tails. ( cat tails are plants that grow in the marsh). Boudreaux asks him what is he doing with all of those cat tails? Thibodeaux says he’a going to catch cats. Boudreaux tells him you can’t catch cats with cat tails and goes back in his house. Later, Boudreaux watches Thibodeaux drive past with a truck full of cats.
Next day, Thibodeaux drives up and Boudreaux asks what he has in the truck today. Thibodeaux replies “pussy willows”. Boudreaux tells him “ wait, let me get my hat”.

[DirtDawg]

At this point, I am beginning to wonder if we still need the "QUACK"  thing going.

 

[DirtDawg]

 
Are we getting too close to religious stuff, now?

[DirtDawg]

It has been found that a man's screams can also shatter glass.

[DirtDawg]

 

[DirtDawg]

Screams of Urban Myth, but a bit funny:




To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown Savannah night before last.

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma," as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really mad and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

[DirtDawg]

 

[DirtDawg]

Don't Pass Me By  or  Why Don't We Do It In The Road?

Need to nail this one down.