You know... I feel pretty good.
This last week and a half, since eris broke up with me, I've felt incredibly shitty. Worse than I have in years. But last night I did something that gave me a small measure of self esteem back. Eris wanted me to leave, but instead of doing everything I could to please her like I've been doing, I consciously went against her. She lied to me, she trolled me. It is illogical for me to try and please my troll, despite my feelings of love. So I said no, even if it made her hate me more. The love is fading now. I am no longer the bitch. Now I can tell her to fuck off without thinking twice.
She taught me well, and I learned my lessons as best I could.