It's one thing to ridicule an 'every-man/woman', which is generally ok because the target of the joke could be anyone and therefore no one in particular.
But to hold up a specific, race, ethnicity or nationality up for ridicule is just blantant bigotry and prejudice. Trying to claim otherwise just makes you slimy.
Please help out Emily. The poor man is being assailed by jokes i tell you. Jokes. How could this happen on intensitysquared. What have we become?
Now for something a little lighter
What is the difference between yogurt and Australia?
Yogurt has some culture
If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Australians wear thongs?
An Englishman wants to marry an Irish girl and is told he needs to become irish before he can do so. It is a very simple operation where they remove 5% of your brain.
Anyway the englishman wakes up after the operation and the doctor comes up to him looking all worried and say "I am terribly sorry, theres been a mistake to be sure, we accidently removed 50% of your brain instead of 5%!"
The englishman sits up and simply say "She'll be right, mate"
I am often assailed by Orstralians for being a pommie b...d whereupon I inform that I am a naturalised Ossie, lift my fringe to reveal the lobotomy scar.
Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney?
They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin.
What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.
What's an Australians idea of foreplay?
You awake?
What's a Tasmanians idea of foreplay?
You awake, mum?
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? An Australian man will actually search for a golf ball.
A pom, fresh off the plane at Sydney airport, is trying to negotiate Australian customs. Finally, when it's his turn to get his passport stamped, the customs officer starts rattling off the usual questions:
C.O. - How long do you intend to stay?
POM - 1 week.
C.O. - What is the nature of this trip?
POM - Business.
C.O. - Do you have any past criminal convictions?
POM - I didn't think we still needed to!
Sheila didn't come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been rooting around so rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.
Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila asks him where the hell he'd been. Bruce says he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive and crash out there. Sheila thinks he's been rooting around so rings his ten best mates. Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.
Three blokes were working on a high rise building project, Macca, Chook and Simmo. Chook falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Simmo says,"Someone should go and tell his wife." Macca says, "OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, Macca comes back carrying a slab of VB. Simmo says,"Where did you get that, Macca?"
"Chook's missus gave it to me." "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she
gave you beer?" Macca says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Chook`s widow."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a slab"
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.
Sheila was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area, and noticed that there was a response on the monitor,when she touched her. They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him,"Crazy as this sounds maybe a little oral sex, will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
Bruce was skeptical, but they assured him, that they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" Bruce replied, "I guess she choked."
An Australian gentleman should always offer to light his girlfriend’s farts before lighting his own.
Jokes about national identity are so very hurtful unless you understand they are fucking jokes in the first place and are not an oversensitive arsehole. Is this a correct assessment anyone? Anyone?
