Think About Failure

['andersom']

Pig, you're confusing working hard with working smart. 

A man pays you $50 to cut his front lawn.  You can work hard and cut it with nail clippers or you can work smart and cut it with a lawn mower.  Working hard in this case won't put food on the table.

NEVER EVER work for someone who expects you to work hard.  Work for someone who expects you to work smart.

Mmmm.. Well I wanted to keep this discussion pretty open, because I like to read different perspectives on this, but that's not quite what I mean. 

Here is an example of what I was thinking of:

Joseph has always dreamed of being a great pro-baseball player, from his childhood up until the present.  Except now he is 35, and has never even made it to the minors.  He has forgone any of the normal pleasures of life in favor of dedicating himself full-time to baseball, but the hard work has never paid off.  Joseph has tried every available method to improve, but he's never passed beyond mediocre.  His life has been entirely baseball focused because all he wants is to play at a professional level, but realistically that's not going to happen.  He does not have any interest in coaching, reffing, or any other peripheral activities.  All he wants is to play in the majors and be great.

What can he do?  He can keep trying into his 70's, doing laps, practicing his swing, etc - but it won't ever pay off.

I think it is time for Joseph to let go of that one dream, and set a new goal.

Clinging on to a childhood dream for the rest of your life isn't always laudable.

No matter how hard kids at baseball train and try, only a few will make it to the real top. There are things like talent and such involved too, and even blatant luck.

Joseph going after joy in his baseball playing, and a more realistic goal for what he wants to be may make him a lot happier.

Will take time for him to take that step, will hurt, but, not everything can be achieved in life by everyone. Just can't.

[Pig]

I think it is time for Joseph to let go of that one dream, and set a new goal.

Clinging on to a childhood dream for the rest of your life isn't always laudable.

No matter how hard kids at baseball train and try, only a few will make it to the real top. There are things like talent and such involved too, and even blatant luck.

Joseph going after joy in his baseball playing, and a more realistic goal for what he wants to be may make him a lot happier.

Will take time for him to take that step, will hurt, but, not everything can be achieved in life by everyone. Just can't.

If that is an available option it may be good advice.  But some things cannot be let go of.

No one wants to share their stories of failure?  Haven't you given your best to something, only to find your best wasn't good enough?

[Pyraxis]

Yeah, last week. But it's intensely personal and the last thing I want is people glorifying failure or really, giving it an instant's more time and attention than it deserves.

Pig, what are you looking for?

[Adam]

This is the problem with telling kids they can do/be anything they want

If you're talking about things they can obviously choose, or something that's just a state of being (like tellign them it's ok if they're gay or whatever), then that's diffferent. But telling a kid that they can grow up to be anything they like, while it might be well-intentioned, it's just gonna lead to a shitload of adults who haven't grown out of their unrealistic childhood dreams. Most of us realise they're unrealistic as we grow up. But if you don;t, then the chances are you're be miserable and see yourself as a failure, because the chances are you WON'T achieve that dream of being an astronaut or an international footballer

I'm all for teaching kids to fulfill their potential etc. And I don't mean parents telling a kid that they're just as worthy as anyone else, regardless of their ethnicity or sex or class etc. But telling them they can BE anything when they grow up isnt true. For most of the things kids dream of becoming, you need natural skill/talent. And most of us don't have both the will and the talent

[Pig]

But telling a kid that they can grow up to be anything they like, while it might be well-intentioned, it's just gonna lead to a shitload of adults who haven't grown out of their unrealistic childhood dreams. Most of us realise they're unrealistic as we grow up. But if you don;t, then the chances are you're be miserable and see yourself as a failure, because the chances are you WON'T achieve that dream of being an astronaut or an international footballer

This is what I wanted.  Thanks Adam.

[bodie]

Did no one tell Joseph he was pissing in the wind?

Poor Joseph.  At least he has become successful at failing

[Pig]

Did no one tell Joseph he was pissing in the wind?

Poor Joseph.  At least he has become successful at failing

Yeh, I guess there is that.  My own failures have shaped me into the person I am today, for better or worse....  Okay it's for worse. 

[bodie]

Try and think of areas you have success at.  There must be some.  Just try building on them and not spend too much time on your fails.

[Adam]

But telling a kid that they can grow up to be anything they like, while it might be well-intentioned, it's just gonna lead to a shitload of adults who haven't grown out of their unrealistic childhood dreams. Most of us realise they're unrealistic as we grow up. But if you don;t, then the chances are you're be miserable and see yourself as a failure, because the chances are you WON'T achieve that dream of being an astronaut or an international footballer

This is what I wanted.  Thanks Adam.

I'm here to save teh day

[renaeden]

I failed in school, big time. Was told to never even attempt university. I have tried courses in various things since then and have never completed one. Usually because mental illness steps in and interferes. But now I am going to university. I had to do an enabling course to get in (and nearly didn't finish that) and have since completed three years of my degree. Still have troubles with mental stuff (even had a stay in hospital during a uni break) but I start my fourth year next month. I really want to finish it. It will be the first big thing for me to complete.

Still get that whisper deep down (but what if I can't?).

['andersom']

I think it is time for Joseph to let go of that one dream, and set a new goal.

Clinging on to a childhood dream for the rest of your life isn't always laudable.

No matter how hard kids at baseball train and try, only a few will make it to the real top. There are things like talent and such involved too, and even blatant luck.

Joseph going after joy in his baseball playing, and a more realistic goal for what he wants to be may make him a lot happier.

Will take time for him to take that step, will hurt, but, not everything can be achieved in life by everyone. Just can't.

If that is an available option it may be good advice.  But some things cannot be let go of.

No one wants to share their stories of failure?  Haven't you given your best to something, only to find your best wasn't good enough?

Of course I have. Sucks, but, it's the way things are.

[Pig]

Of course I have. Sucks, but, it's the way things are.

Do you want to write about it?

['andersom']

Not really, no.

It's in smaller and bigger things, from making food to a marriage.

[eris]

The only real thing I've accomplished in life that I am proud of is graduating college.

other than that, the things I have failed or achieved really mean little to me. I have learned to love all the negative things in the world, and appreciate those that fall short in life. I'd rather break things than own them, material success means nothing to me. Having a good job means nothing to me, so I do not think I have failed at any of those things but other may have a different view. All I care about in life at this point is falling in love.

[bodie]

I fail in the domesticated area.  BIG Time.  Especially any attempt at proper cooking.

Yeah it puts me off trying.  The other day i saw something on the shelves in Tesco.  It looked like a bag of flour - but it said it was a mix to make white crusty bread and all you needed to do was add water!  I gave it a go,  thinking all the time, it's not gonna rise -  but it did.   It was ok too.  The house smelt like i had been baking bread when the boy got home from school and he said it was a nice smell.  I know i cheated a little,  but it has given me confidence to try something else.

I fail in relationships too.

I often fail to manage my own money.