Grieving to be labelled mental illness

[Al Swearegen]

I lost my mother in Sept, we were close. I've already had anti-depressants shoved at me twice already. 

I'm functional, I don't break down in public, I don't lock myself in a room and cry all day, I still laugh when somethings funny, I still do what I need to do every day. Sure some days suck, but I don't want a pill to take it away...to NOT feel this.   

You are given a time span it seems anymore...to "get over it". Grief now has an expiration date, probably thanks to the makers of Zoloft and all the others you see advertised to ad nauseum every day.

If you where really close to someone I don't think you ever "get over it"...I lost my father in 95.

I've learned that time heals in it's own way, it gets better, it never goes away, their are still days on occasion when something reminds me of him and I feel the loss, going on 17 years later.

I think if grief is "all consuming" for an extended period of time, people should be encouraged to seek help for it, but I think labeling it as a disorder is ridiculous. It's more like a learning experience in coping, although a very hard one sometimes.




 

My Mum died in September as well.

I think that if you are grieving, you are depressed and that it can be either treated or not and that treating it sometimes is a good option and sometimes not.

[renaeden]

When I met my friend in hospital, she was in for depression over the death of her dad who had died a few months beforehand from alcoholism. She was put on medication for it. I don't think she got any counselling specifically for it. Maybe she would have if it was labelled.

[bodie]

I think it is common to see,  when an old person dies,  their spouse sometimes dies soon afterwards?  Is that just coincidence?

I think we make attachments that are that strong.  I don't think that there should be a set period anyway for grief.   

I think it helps if the person has a child to look after, because it takes away that 'oh i got nothing to live for' element away.  I can't imagine someone ever getting over losing their whole family.  It has happened though.  Some people seem able to cope with  the most terrible circumstances, and others don't.  It's weird.  Maybe your state of mind at the time has something to do with it.

[Squidusa]

I think it is common to see,  when an old person dies,  their spouse sometimes dies soon afterwards?  Is that just coincidence?

I heard that apparently , a male is more likely to die about a year after losing his partner than a female.
IDK if this just applies to hetero relationships or not however.

[Al Swearegen]

My aunty died in about 6 month of my uncle. He was the one who kepy everything financially and socially. With him gone she basically became ill and died very quickly

[Squidusa]

It's more a general rule than a definate.

A distant relative of mine died and her husband lived for about 4 more years after her before dying.

[Adam]

I think the Jews have a wonderful way of mourning.  In a nutshell, you mourn for 7 days where you basically just mourn.  For the next 23 days you go about your life, but refrain from social activities such as parties, weddings, etc.  If you are mourning the loss of a parent the next 11 months is spent focusing on what your parent has given, taught, inspired in you, etc.  For a more detailed explanation see http://www.aish.com/jl/l/dam/48958936.html

I think any "way of mourning" is bullshit personally. people should mourn (or not mourn) in whichever way is best for them, and for whatever duration of time comes naturally to them

[Callaway]

It's more a general rule than a definate.

A distant relative of mine died and her husband lived for about 4 more years after her before dying.

My dad died about five years after my mom died.

[Queen Victoria]

I think the Jews have a wonderful way of mourning.  In a nutshell, you mourn for 7 days where you basically just mourn.  For the next 23 days you go about your life, but refrain from social activities such as parties, weddings, etc.  If you are mourning the loss of a parent the next 11 months is spent focusing on what your parent has given, taught, inspired in you, etc.  For a more detailed explanation see http://www.aish.com/jl/l/dam/48958936.html

I think any "way of mourning" is bullshit personally. people should mourn (or not mourn) in whichever way is best for them, and for whatever duration of time comes naturally to them

But what if mourning becomes manipulation or attention seeking?

[Adam]

I don't get what you're saying

Of course people can use someone's death as attention seeking, I don't see how that means we all need to follow Grief Rules though

[Queen Victoria]

I don't get what you're saying

Of course people can use someone's death as attention seeking, I don't see how that means we all need to follow Grief Rules though

After some time passes and the bereaved is still saying no to outings, sighing over innocent things because it "reminds" them of the departed, relying on others to manage affairs, etc. that's time to question whether it's grief or manipulation.  And No, I won't say what time must pass or what exact actions or inactions will spark the discussion of manipulation.  It depends on the individuals.

We don't all need to follow "Grief Rules" though.  Each culture has it's own customs.  Actually each family pretty much has it's own customs.  See how you think in a few years and with a few deaths behind you. 

[Adam]

See how you think in a few years and with a few deaths behind you. 

Huh? You think I've never experienced a death before?

Wow

I won't even bother responding to that

[Queen Victoria]

See how you think in a few years and with a few deaths behind you. 

Huh? You think I've never experienced a death before?

Wow

I won't even bother responding to that

Good, because you evidently are so wrapped up in this that you misunderstood that I wrote deaths, PLURAL.  Not death SINGULAR.  And there is no need to respond.

[Calavera]

I reckon, at the end of the day, it's best for one to be true to his feelings. If he feels grief upon someone's death, let him mourn his death as much as he desires (according to how he feels), regardless of what the traditional/familial customs state.

When my father dies, though, and if I'm still alive, I'm not going to even bother attending the funeral.

[renaeden]

It's more a general rule than a definate.

A distant relative of mine died and her husband lived for about 4 more years after her before dying.

My dad died about five years after my mom died.

My paternal grandfather died about six months after my grandmother died. My mum said it was like he gave up living after she was gone.