After many years of paying no attention to internet, outside of occasional business and research, I suddenly started a blog which resulted in befriending an autistic woman. During the course of our friendship, she had given me some information which had a link to wp. The experience was so overwhelming, I turned in my vacation time, shut myself in my room, and did nothing for two weeks but read page after page of the general discussion forum of that site. I was consumed. My family was concerned. When I came out of my hole, I told my son about this wonderful planet. He was already a moderator on a discussion forum of his own interest and couldn't have cared less about wp. So I joined. Claire333, the darling wife and mother in me. She's also my poetry in motion, albeit so very cat in the hat.
The first time I tried to leave wrongplanet, was from a moment of realization, in reading a thread about the undiagnosed. Important points were made concerning the possible damage in misrepresenting the spectrum, in a place so many come to seek knowledge. Damage, no matter how well intentioned is still damaged, so I agreed. However, my need to be there didn't leave, so I just stopped talking about myself, stopped talking about autism, made myself comfy in the depths of PPR, and otherwise lurked.
Then one day my son mentioned an interest in joining wp; my signal to kindly step aside. I don't hide anything I do on the internet and he knew of Claire, so I told him I had recently gotten interested in a new site and would leave wp to him. Claire dropped the threes, moved to Zomg, and soon after became Clear. After being there a while, I had a bad day where someone wrote the details of their fantasy of me being raped and killed. It was very out of the blue. As to my reaction, I'm no doubt the sensitive type. I said my goodbyes and I split, but my need to be there didn't leave, so I came here.
Claire didn't come here because she's chicken shit, and the idea of a new start was kind of nice anyway. It was great being able to become friendly with new people here on such fresh ground, and to find those I've seen before, thought the flower of a different name to smell as sweet. The rest of that chapter is in the pages here, as in walks Jack.
Something was said a few days ago, which made me realize, that along the way, I've done a terrible thing. The comment was about hosts and dealing with complaints of abuse, and so I remembered when I once had a complaint. At the time I made this complaint, I immediately regretted it, because it was petty and vindictive and not the person I want to be. I also had to consider my complaint was about someone who had never previously given me grief. On consideration, I realized it was very possible I unknowingly offended them or provoked; and besides, they had so much more right to be there than me. Really, how could I suck any more that that, but I do. The recent comment which made me remember all of this, also shed the light on how the ripple of my actions expanded in ways I never before considered. I am single handily responsible for the demise of Zomg Aspies, and I did it with a very brief and stupid complaint. Having the knowledge I've destroyed a place intended for autistics to congregate is absolutely devastating to me. I can't even express how upset I am right now, but I think it's important I leave the autistic community, regardless of my own selfish need to be here which certainly wont leave.
I'm not going to just dump all this here and step out. I also think it's important I say anything else others might think needs to be said. If anyone has any questions about what I've written here or anything about me personally in general, please ask, and I'll be happy to answer. I'll give until my account is deleted. Though please don't try to minimize it or ask me to stay; It wont change the way I fell about what I've done.
