Perhaps the phrase “Let sleeping dogs lie” is a reasonable philosophy and a sensible approach to dealing with things in life. Especially when the effort involved in bringing up past issues is at best pointless and at worst counterproductive. Perhaps.
That is just not me. It was precisely this reason though I have tried my best to bite my tongue and not bring up anything prior. Fuck knows what difference it is likely to make and for those involved, no doubt they will look at the exercise as a means to try to justify a position I believe is meritless.
But again, here goes.
TCO and Pandora.
TCO – Generally an Ok guy. Has a tendency when online to go from average everyday poster and reasonably nice bloke to asshat very quickly and when in the throes of a meltdown is liable to do or say anything and be a nasty spiteful piece of work. He also sees things very black and white and expects everyone not agreeing with him, and backing him up, is against him. He believes what he says is defensible because he says it, and his justification is that he believes it (at least at the time). His ability to fuck things up nice and proper and only after much concerted effort, and him calming down, can see it, and then feels bad about his role in it but instead of learning or moving on, either hopes it will go away or he removes himself.
You may say that this is shitty behavior. Yup. You may say that he is too sensitive. Yup. You may say that this is something he has to deal with. Yup.
So why do I support him and his behavior? I do not believe I have. I have many times, both on and off the board condemned it. I also do not have a go at others calling him to rights on such behavior. I believe you own your actions and behaviours. You fuck up, you fix. Say or do something shitty then you are still responsible for it. He does meltdown and it does fuck with him. It is no fun for him at all. That said, he says something abhorrent, then regardless if it is heat of the moment or midst of meltdown, he is the one saying it and needs to own it. In a similar way to someone getting blind drunk and throwing up in someone’s house before having a fight and passing out. They may be unable to neither deal with the situation then, or make any sense nor “control” their actions. But when they sober up…they have a lot of bridges to mend and explaining to do. It also does not necessarily make them a bad person.
But you know this already. Most of you do not like him and that too is understandable.
So what is my “investment” in him? Pandora.
Pandora is a person I am close with and that I am fond of. Regardless of what you think you know of her, know her a little bit better. She is sweet, loyal, kindly and more than a little socially inept. She is tenacious and vulnerable and very smart. I am honoured to have her as a friend. What I wrote about her in the callout with Butterflies was true then and now.
I had never actively encouraged her onto I2 because she is not a good fit here as TCO has proven that he is not and she recognized the same. It is no biggie. Plenty of forums I would not fit and the same could be said of anyone here.
She is TCO’s fiancé and loves him. She has found someone, at her age, which she feels a sense of companionship and connection with and that is great. This is why I was keen to learn and get on with TCO and how I got to know him.
Now the Butterflies “Rancid” comment that caused the initial callout was thoughtless and mean-spirited but an attempt by her to hit out at TCO. My callout was nothing to do with him but of Pandora. I made that very clear to butterflies but somehow despite this Butterflies still thought I was trying to use the situation to stick up for TCO. It made no sense, after being told continuously that it was not the case, that she would hold onto this. But she did. No biggie.
After apologies were made by her about the misunderstanding and a promise not to insult my friend that way, I kind of believed that she would not do this again. She lied.
Let’s fast-track though.
TCO leaves her in a butthurt rage and in a ridiculous attempt at payback here, decides to try to bad-mouth I2 at one of Pandora’s little safe havens, a Facebook group that she posts on. He further ups the ante. He tries to see if he can blacklist I2 members. It was typical behavior we have seen on here by him and his further attempts to draw members here to there were all too transparent.
Had he ever fucked up Pandora’s previous safe online areas? Yup? But I had told you guys that. Had he ever used her account before to talk shit? Yup. But then I had told you that too.
Did Pandora say something horrible to Bint to get her and other’s blood boiling and send people over there? You sure it was her? Nope, it wasn’t. He admitted it to me well after the event, that it was him. In fact much of what was said through her was him. But how would you guys know that it was not her? You would at least know that it did not paint the picture of her I gave you. You would at least have cause to suspect that there was a good chance it was him using her account again as I told you he had previously done.
You all disliked his involvement in this thing and wanted him to account for his horrid behavior. I had no issue with that.
So over a posse went to rip well deserved shit out of him…right? Nope. Over you went and ripped shit out of his fucking fiancé. She sees you there and unloading on her and TCO and puts up a rather poor attempt at defence. Anyone attack him? Nope you unload on her.
I was unable to get onto Facebook with the mobile broadband (as I was in between proper internet connections due to a recent house move) I had and could only furiously berate TCO by email and watch my poor mate cop an undeserved flogging. On i2 I had to sit here watching whistles and cheers of a group of you for a job well done celebrating with me in the room.
That alone was fucking poor form, but let’s excuses it if we can. I bit my tongue and said not a lot. He deserved to cop a flogging for what he did but you chose an associated target and ignored every fucking thing I told you about the situation because you did not care to believe me or respect that I may know a little bit more about the situation than you did.
So now I have an unscathed TCO who is telling Pandora that this is proof that the aspie online communities are poisonous. That the Facebook group was no good for her. They both withdraw memberships and he rewards her defending him thick and fast, which you all know is what he craves. That she copped a flogging whilst he cheered her on is neither here nor there for you, and hell maybe him. It mattered to me though. It mattered to her and really upset her. She is not a flamer. Nor a troll and nor part of any of this shit.
To reward her, he took her off for a holiday. She will feel more secure without the online drama and online attacks and that is one more place she built up relationships now ruined and less places to feel safe in and able to be herself in. But she will feel more secure with him.
Well done to those thinking you did anything but enable TCO in his behavior.
All this is bad, but the icing on the cake….goes to Butterflies.
So here I am trying to look after my friend who is upset and berate TCO and hold my tongue which I am loathe to do whilst the posse and well wishers are partying around me hi-fiving themselves whilst announcing that they bravely sunk the boot into Al’s bitch friend.
Then Butterflies knowing that both TCO and Pandora are IP banned and cannot enjoy the celebrations, decides to start calling my dear friend “Rancidora”. Why “Rancidora”? She did promise she would not use that terminology against Pandora…but she lied.
The reason is simple. I was not reacting and Butterflies wanted a chance to square up and a reaction. She felt a sense of vindication as to her belief of what and who Pandora was and wanted to show it publicly in the sly and nasty way she can do.
It is rather rancid behavior.
Worse still many of you cheered on her wit. I could have fired up and taken her on and all comers but I thought to myself “Nah, fuck it. It is like berating someone for blowing their nose with their shirt. If they fucking don’t know better, then who am I to try to teach them decency and respect?”
It really was not a hard ask to connect the fucking dots on this one and justify it any way you like, it was a very poor fucking show all around. I am embarrassed that this is something that I2 would condone. I am disappointed that a place I saw as tough but fair and full of combative but intelligent posters reduced to a forum that would see good sport or righteousness in displays like this. It is jarring to me and flies in the face of what I saw as something of merit in this place.
This place is what the members make it and if this is the best that can be made of i2, I am far from impressed. I am thinking such poisonous thinking will lead, without being addressed by the membership, in good people leaving.
Have any people been leaving lately? They will.
As I said not that it will likely be anything but a futile attempt by me but fuck it, was worth an explanation and a shot. This is a good forum and has some great members, so it was worth it.
Yeah there is a hell of a lot more than this that i can not tell and i am uncomfortable in having said as much.
So how about you all post, ”tl;dr” and laugh that up?
