Do you need to love yourself before it's possible to love another person ?

[Celticgoddess]

I know of a couple who were married over 60 years and the wife died first. The husband passed away in his sleep 3 days later and was perfectly healthy.

The first cat I ever adopted out when I started doing rescue work was to a British man in his 80's. His wife was in a nursing home. They had 5 children and when she lost the 6th (stillborn) he said she became "not right in the head" and over the years would have bouts of insanity, raging at him that he was having affairs when he had only gone to work for the day. He talked about how he would never do her wrong and was always faithful and even though she no longer remembers who he is, he goes to the nursing home every day at noon to bring her tea and biscuits. Their cat passed away and he was lonely being in the house by himself so he came to an adopt-a-thon to adopt a cat. I sent him home with the quirkiest chattiest cat we had (I found out later it was the exact OPPOSITE of the kind of cat he wanted but he was ended up loving the cat to bits and had entire conversations with him ) but when he talked of how much he loved her still, his eyes would well up with tears.

[bodie]

When i read stuff like that it makes me wish i had it.

 

wish i could force it,  or demand it, or even buy it!

guess i will just have to do without it

[eris]

you CAN by it, but gigolos are expensive. They never look like I want them to anyway, not everyone likes ugly bumps.

[Binty]

When i read stuff like that it makes me wish i had it.

 

wish i could force it,  or demand it, or even buy it!

guess i will just have to do without it

You will have it bodie.  Someday.  It'll come when you least expect it.

['Butterflies']

I think the close voting in this poll is because we are seeing the question differently.

I voted no. Obviously it's possible to love someone, without loving yourself.
I think most of the people who voted yes, probably saw the question as something like "Is it much better to love yourself before you try to love others."



The literal answer to the question is obviously no. The alternative is that anybody who does not love themselves cannot possibly love another person. This is obviously completely false.

[Osensitive1]

^There's no correct answer with abstraction.

[bodie]

I think i been thinking of it do you need to love yourself before someone can love you?

I am getting all confused with this love thing.

@Binty   thanks but that could be when i am too old and incapable of enjoying it

['Butterflies']

^There's no correct answer with abstraction.

I suppose that's right, but in this case I think it's as close to correct as is possible.

For instance, does a mum who doesn't love herself, automatically not love her child?
Does a once-attractive woman who has been disfigured and now feels complete self-loathing, no longer love her husband?

It's highly unlikely that a person who does not love themselves is less capable of love than a person who does love themselves, and to such an extent, that the person who does not love themselves cannot love another person.

[Osensitive1]

I think it's as close to correct as is possible.

No. Correct for you.

[Celticgoddess]

I'm a firm believer that you get back what you put out there. If you close yourself off and the energy you put out there is that this will never come to me, then that's what you set yourself up for.

[Adam]

I think the close voting in this poll is because we are seeing the question differently.

I voted no. Obviously it's possible to love someone, without loving yourself.
I think most of the people who voted yes, probably saw the question as something like "Is it much better to love yourself before you try to love others."



The literal answer to the question is obviously no. The alternative is that anybody who does not love themselves cannot possibly love another person. This is obviously completely false.

['Butterflies']

I think it's as close to correct as is possible.

No. Correct for you.

Yes, but by the same logic, I could make any number of unlikely arguments based on the fact that love is abstract, and claim they could be true.

I could say that anyone who loves God is incapable of loving another person.
I could say that love across racial boundaries is impossible.
I could say that it's impossible for an aspie to love.


All of these things are clearly untrue, but are obviously impossible to disprove.

[Osensitive1]

No, you could say all of those thing and they be true to you based on your own definition of what love is. Love is like beauty. What is beauty? It's whatever I say it is. I know beauty and if you don't agree with me, then you don't know what real beauty is. See where I'm going with that? Would never really say something like that though. I know what love is and based on that, believe one can't love others without loving the self. Not saying you're wrong, just wrong from my perspective. Obviously you're correct from your perspective.

[Adam]

I can't love someone by YOUR definition of love then. that doesnt mean I cant love someone. Because whether *I* can love someone or not is down to what *I* consider to be love.

[Osensitive1]

I can't love someone by YOUR definition of love then. that doesnt mean I cant love someone. Because whether *I* can love someone or not is down to what *I* consider to be love.

Maybe misread that, Adam. Or was confusing in my words. Love means different things to different people. For some it's based in dependency, infatuation, action, sex, or whatever. Someone who thinks it's something else might say, that's not real love. Of course it's real love. Love is whatever people think it is. Love is what makes a person feel love. Would never say you can't feel love because you don't agree with my definition of love, just think ones needs to love the self for it to happen, but that's my opinion.