Do you need to love yourself before it's possible to love another person ?

[Celticgoddess]

MLA just because love means one thing to you doesn't mean it means the same thing to everyone else. How can you say "how do you even know what love feels like?" You are not the authority on love.

I think it's a valid question though. It's interesting to hear someone elses response.

[Phallacy]

I think a more curious question would be "do you need to love yourself before anyone can love you?"

 

[midlifeaspie]

MLA just because love means one thing to you doesn't mean it means the same thing to everyone else. How can you say "how do you even know what love feels like?" You are not the authority on love.

Never said I was.  I think I am being misread.  Sorry about that 

[eris]

you did basically say that I probably do not know what love feels like and cannot understand what it even is

[midlifeaspie]

you did basically say that I probably do not know what love feels like and cannot understand what it even is

Sorry, but no I didn't.  I asked a genuine question and everyone assumed I was implying that.  I was actually just asking a question that I thought would lead to good conversation.

"You" did not mean "Eris",  Sorry I was unclear that it was a general question and not aimed at someone in particular.

[eris]

It was implied.

If you can't see something in yourself to love then you can't ever understand what someone else could see in you that they could love.  If you can't understand where your partner's love is coming from, or what it is based on, you will inevitably reject it or be unable to really believe it.  This will cause the ultimate failure of the relationship.

ok, it might cause the failure of the relationship but how does that mean the person cannot feel love for someone?

How do you know what "love" even feels like?  How do you know it isn't lust, or like, or co-dependency?

[eris]

Plus, if you mean that for everyone, that would include "Everyone"

[midlifeaspie]

It was implied.

If you can't see something in yourself to love then you can't ever understand what someone else could see in you that they could love.  If you can't understand where your partner's love is coming from, or what it is based on, you will inevitably reject it or be unable to really believe it.  This will cause the ultimate failure of the relationship.

ok, it might cause the failure of the relationship but how does that mean the person cannot feel love for someone?

How do you know what "love" even feels like?  How do you know it isn't lust, or like, or co-dependency?

FFS, I know what I said.  I explained that isn't what I meant and I apologized three times.  Can't do anything else.

[midlifeaspie]

Plus, if you mean that for everyone, that would include "Everyone"

I have no idea what that means

[bodie]

I think there are different types of love.

1.  I have endless love for my son,  and certain friends and members of my family.  It is sort of unconditional.  I love them no matter what they do to me.

2.  I have probably said 'i love you' to a few men.  Looking back it was just lust,  or a challenge, or maybe just a friendship that went too far.  It is usually the result of much dirty thinking,  and butterflies in my stomach before meeting them, or some horny sex, followed by moping around like an old sock when they don't call.  The best of us have been mistaken in to believing this kind of nonsense is love.  I don't think it is really.  Even if it hurts like hell at the time!

3.  Then there is the old test of time love.  My Dad (RIP Dad) died nine days before their golden wedding anniversary!  fifty years with someone is mind boggling.  If i analyse it though, and even though i don't really want it to be true -  they had just gotten so used to being together. living together i mean.  My mom had her friends and socially really had very little to do with my dad for the last twenty years or so.  Is this love?

4.  I think the 'love' that people rave on about is more perfect,  is the same for both parties - more like a soulmate kind of thing!  Very special (am told) and will stand the test of time. It is all the goody things that you won't find in no.2.  It is something both parties thrive in, and grow in, and if real will not reel you in and spit you out.  Maybe i have put it on a pedestal too much and that is why it has remained untouchable (to me anyway)

I have days when i think it is all bullshit anyway.  Days where i think only 1,2, and 3 exist and that people just kid themselves into believing they have found the real thing.  Still have the dreamy days too,  so not that bitter and twisted.  Yet.

Important thing is this is just my own perception.  Others think differently.  If you are happy yourself that you have found love - then,  cool,  don't listen to me because i am cranky and my rose tinted spectacles are covered in bird turd.

[eris]

Plus, if you mean that for everyone, that would include "Everyone"

I have no idea what that means

Well, I mean that you said it wasnt about anyone in particular, but if yo meant it as a general rule then it would be about particular people - all of them.

[Binty]

Love is if you both still hold hands walking down the street, after 20+ years together.

[eris]

Love is if you both still hold hands walking down the street, after 20+ years together.

My paternal grandparents were like that. I dont know exactly how long they were married but it was over 50 years. When my grandfather died my grandma went crazy ( like, totally batty, hallucinations etc) and had to be put in a home. she died within a year of no apparent illness.

[Binty]

Love is if you both still hold hands walking down the street, after 20+ years together.

My paternal grandparents were like that. I dont know exactly how long they were married but it was over 50 years. When my grandfather died my grandma went crazy ( like, totally batty, hallucinations etc) and had to be put in a home. she died within a year of no apparent illness.

That's horrible

[eris]

It was. She was semi - catatonic. I mean if you moved her arm, it would stay where you moved it. She had always said things in Greek then English, but after this she totally stopped speaking  English and we couldn't even understand to help her.