How can I not be myself ?

[eris]

Boy said something strange to me tonight. "Just be yourself, don't worry about what people say." And it was a very sweet sentiment but it makes me think too hard.

How can I not be myself ? If I am not me, who am I ? Am I someone else or no one at all ?

Yes Yes I know what he meant : To thine own self be true. But I am. And are not whims and impulses and frequency of changing mind also myself ? If I have a different viewpoint than I did a year ago which me is more me, the old me or the new me, and if I am just going to change again in the future does that mean the current me is not me either ?

Well I was thinking about all this, then a crushing blow came: I got a message from a man on collarme ( a bdsm dating site ) saying that he has reported my profile and pictures for being fake, and that he thinks I am really a man or something and lying about being a girl that is looking for submissive men.

Obviously I really AM me, and my pictures and personality are also me, but does that matter to the rest of the world ? And to what extent ? To him I do not exist, to all the people that don't know me I don't exist. Is there an obligation for me to prove myself to others ? Of course not, to thine own self be true, but does that mean I do not exist in their reality ?

How can I not be myself ? 

[Calavera]

You can't not be yourself. It's a logical contradiction, or so it seems to me.

[P7PSP]

Yourself doesn't exist.


But electrical current still does. 

["couldbecousin"]

 I think "Just be yourself" means "Don't censor or change yourself to placate others," nothing more. 


 As for the "fake profile" reports on collarme, well, that sounds to me like typical internet paranoia.  I hope you can get it
 straightened out, but in the meantime try not to take it personally, some people really won't believe someone they've
 met online is real till they meet in person.   

[eris]

You can't not be yourself. It's a logical contradiction, or so it seems to me.

Well it is a contradiction but not logical.

Yourself doesn't exist.


But electrical current still does. 

scary. Yeah I am pretty sure nothing really exists.

I think "Just be yourself" means "Don't censor or change yourself to placate others," nothing more. 


 As for the "fake profile" reports on collarme, well, that sounds to me like typical internet paranoia.  I hope you can get it
 straightened out, but in the meantime try not to take it personally, some people really won't believe someone they've
 met online is real till they meet in person.   

I've had a lot of Dominant men write to me saying that; I am a man, fake, scammer, bot, whore. I think that is their fetish. They hate women and want to bring the strong ones down. It takes a lot of "fake" reports to actually get a profile deleted so Im not too worried about that part, it was the whole questioning the existence of me that brought upon this current mind/body existential crisis. I am not worried about him, I am afraid that if I stop believing in myself that I am going to disappear into thin air !

[midlifeaspie]

You have to start by defining "yourself".  I postulate that such a thing does not even exist in a societal framework. 

Everybody restrains certain parts of themselves that have been deemed "bad" or "wrong" through childhood negative reinforcement.  Why do you chew food with your mouth closed, cover your mouth when you sneeze, etc, etc.  These are things that no human being would do if left alone in the wilderness.  Conversely we all have certain aspects that we try and emphasize thanks to positive reinforcement, such as how we look, or smell or act in the presence of the opposite sex. 

We are all shaped and focused by societal pressures into being a version of ourselves that is socially acceptable (some of us better than others).  There is no "yourself" in this world, there is only how you feel most comfortable fitting in.  When someone says "just be yourself" they are trying to imply that they somehow know the "real" you better than everyone else and want you to feel comfortable dropping some of the pretext because in doing so they assume you will bond and then give up the pussy.

[eris]

Well, that explains how others view us, but how should we view ourselves ? If we also do not believe in ourselves does it mean we do not exist ? Is one identity separate from another, or do we all bleed together ? Today me. Yesterday me. Tomorrow me. Which is more valid ?

and yes, he was just trying to bond with me and appear like a nice caring boy. i will reward him tonight by grabbing him by the chin forcefully and licking his face.

[midlifeaspie]

How one views oneself is far too complicated and deep a topic for my current exhausted state of mind.  Bottom line, you can never really know who you "really" are, except perhaps under the most extreme of circumstances, which self-preservation requires you do everything possible to avoid.

Is licking his face a reward or a punishment?  A reward for trying, or a punishment for being so lame and trying to manipulate you?

[eris]

I think I know what you mean. Being put in a state when you MUST survive brings out our humality. When we are forced to fish and hunt, and grow our own crops and make our own fire, and sew or own clothes and protect outselves from the elements that is when we truly become human.

Even notice that is only people of means that kill themselves ? I dont mean rich people i mean westerners. People in the true shitholes of the world, like Somalia, rarely kill nevertheless. They see life as truly worth living. I always thought that if I was forced to live in a hut in India and be forced to take care of my own basic needs from scratch it would probably save my life.


It's a reward. Or at least it will reward me as I enjoy doing that. He's been very nice and supportive to me the past few weeks it's time to jump his bones.

[ZEGH8578]

people might try to fake being someone else. my turkish friend was always two completely different people, between being alone w me, hanging out, or being in public.

people always give that advice "just be yourself", and i always thought "well duh", but its probably less obvious to many, who will indeed change personality and their way of interacting w others, depending on who theyre with at any given time.

[midlifeaspie]

Even notice that is only people of means that kill themselves ? I dont mean rich people i mean westerners.

People in first world countries don't realize how good they have it.  When you look at it from a distance it is almost laughable.  People in the third world are struggling to have enough food, clean water and shelter to get them through the day.  They fight like hell to keep their infants alive long enough to enter childhood.  They have to fight off rape and poverty and brutal disease unlike anything that we would recognize.  When their children and siblings and spouses die, they mourn and they move on.   When the corrupt government they are suffering under takes away all their freedoms and dictates the smallest parts of their lives to them they bow down and do what they must to continue on.  When they lose limbs and functioning bodies they do what they can to continue to live because they have fought so damn hard for their life up to this point.

Westerners kill themselves because their parents are mean to them, or their girlfriend or boyfriend dumps them.  It's a good thing that we have all the money, because our survival instincts are shit compared to these folks.

[Calavera]

You can't not be yourself. It's a logical contradiction, or so it seems to me.

Well it is a contradiction but not logical.

 :lol:

[odeon]

You cannot not be yourself. Everything you do is based on what you know, what you do, and you cannot not be yourself.You can, however, be a lot of things that the others have no conception of, but that's something else entirely.

[Squidusa]

You cannot not be yourself. Everything you do is based on what you know, what you do, and you cannot not be yourself.You can, however, be a lot of things that the others have no conception of, but that's something else entirely.

Not necessarily.

Some people make an immense effort to fit in with "the in crowd" when that is not them , they pretend to be something they aren't and deep down they know this.

So you can not be yourself.

Oh and this song comes into my head everytime I read this thread:

[odeon]

Trying to fit into a crowd is part of you, too. you may not like it, but pretending not to be you is part of being you.