Just one quick bitch, part two

[Al Swearegen]

I began obfuscating a few years ago when I realised how vulnerable I was to others because of this autistic disorder. The anxiety that I get attacked because of it has been quite evident from the beginning of time. So instead of slipping back into depression, I now hunt out those that defend this condition as a gift. I'd rather not be ganked because someone gimped me for life. I'd rather enjoy my life thanks. Or be euthanised.

Oh God, who do you think believes Autism is a gift? Anyone?

[Jack]

I began obfuscating a few years ago when I realised how vulnerable I was to others because of this autistic disorder. The anxiety that I get attacked because of it has been quite evident from the beginning of time. So instead of slipping back into depression, I now hunt out those that defend this condition as a gift. I'd rather not be ganked because someone gimped me for life. I'd rather enjoy my life thanks. Or be euthanised.

Personally think a strong ego is important and good for maintaining a content sense of being. Of course, the way one is simply born may not seem an impressive source of pride or value, but it's better than nothing. It's certainly better than finding self-worth through the process of devaluing others. What does someone else's source of self-esteem have to do with enjoying life?

[Lestat]

He's playing you, jack. He's  playing you like a violin. Not something I want to see happen.

Seems odd, though, for someone to be able to play the violin with another whilst he is at the same time, preoccupied fiddling with himself.

[Jack]

He's playing you, jack. He's  playing you like a violin. Not something I want to see happen.

Seems odd, though, for someone to be able to play the violin with another whilst he is at the same time, preoccupied fiddling with himself.

That's interesting. Have viewed him as playing you since January. He's a troll, and you're the fish he's been dragging around by his hook for months, giving him the exact heated emotional response he wants.

[mdagli1]

People use themselves as a weapon against each other and I'm no longer interested in this Freudian system of intervention of turning targets on targets. I just want to help myself to a life that I can live. Instead of being pinned down by those that want me dead for being alive at all. If I wanted to be terrorised by both sides, I'd take the path of self consumption and just accept fate and destiny as one.

[odeon]

God you're tedious.

[Yuri Bezmenov]

I just want to help myself to a life that I can live.

If you're willing to become my "one quick bitch", perhaps I can help you out with that.   

[Jack]

God you're tedious.

I can't help it.

[Jack]

People use themselves as a weapon against each other and I'm no longer interested in this Freudian system of intervention of turning targets on targets. I just want to help myself to a life that I can live. Instead of being pinned down by those that want me dead for being alive at all. If I wanted to be terrorised by both sides, I'd take the path of self consumption and just accept fate and destiny as one.

Not wanting to be terrorized by both sides? Haven't gotten that impression. Never understood people who their ego is based in being an outcast, because it seems to coincide with a need for rejection. Though like I said, feeling special about something is better than nothing, so if it doesn't detract from anyone else, then whatever. It's not something I can relate, but you're not the first here to ever give off that vibe.

[Trigger 11]

Who do you think believes Autism is a gift? Anyone?

Being high functioning, wicked smaht, albeit wicked anal, but still...I like to think of myself as a mutant with special powers that normal people can't comprehend. So what if I can't get along or fit in? We are the next step in the evolution of the species. It's only because we are the minority that it is so difficult.

That being said, there are those, of course, that are more trapped by their autism, so I am sure it is difficult to put such a spin on it.

[mdagli1]

To look after oneself is to care what one does with it. I don't and receive benefits for it. I just wish I could spend it on a source of wealth that would make me better. Instead, I'm here, fucking about with you lot and using work as a means to not be bored. Whatever dysfunctional attachment style you think I have is just the unfortunate fallout of being a social context at all. I am me, just not myself.

[Lestat]

Jack,  you might be right there, at least in his perception of it.

Although...its a little hard to explain as it is a fairly unusual style of communication. But I often speak in a manner such as conveys the emotion I intend others to receive, without actually feeling it. The logical construction to have others perceive what I intend them to perceive. If that makes sense. Really was, however, just casually kicking him, because he was there. The funny thing is, he thought he was trolling ME, he got it the wrong way round, I've been winding HIM up.

Trig, I agree with you, about autism, it is kinda nice to just let it run loose, the wild spirit the autie in me was meant to be. But, other people might see ME as 'trapped'; I'm a Kanner's autie myself, and despite what others think, I am damn glad of it. I'd not even want to down-grade to a HFA, I'm spesh as hell and Iike it that way, it isn't something that I view as  being 'trapped' looking  from the inside out.

Does feel like there is an invisible, stretchy, flexible 'bubble' around me, but its a big one, one I can be free in and enjoy myself and be proud of who, and what, I am. And the bubble, is transparent, and stretchy, enough to push out sorta...bubble pseudopodae, like being inside an amoeba, so I can push through into the NT world; still in my bubble, just extending portions of it and walking to the front portion of the 'bubble pseudopods' to the bits in the NT world that I want to take, whilst the rest is, unless all hell breaks loose, just left behind, and if it tries to fellow me, it'll just bounce off the edges of my comfy classic autism shaped bubble, the things hitting the walls can be annoying, but I don't let them in. Its more like neighbors I don't know doing construction work next door and pissingme off as  I'm trying to get to sleep in the day.

So Trig, perhaps some are, if someone is mentally retarded at the same time as well, but I don't think autism itself is mental retardation (not that I've anything at all against people who are, I've had a few ex girlfriends who were MR, some of them LFA and  MR, and I loved them just as much as  I would if they were not MR), but I see my Kanner's autism as a precious gift, and I'm really not shy about letting it run loose and unrestrained. I have no sense of shame in that context, for I WILL NOT be shamed for who I am.

[Jack]

Jack,  you might be right there, at least in his perception of it.

Although...its a little hard to explain as it is a fairly unusual style of communication. But I often speak in a manner such as conveys the emotion I intend others to receive, without actually feeling it. The logical construction to have others perceive what I intend them to perceive. If that makes sense. Really was, however, just casually kicking him, because he was there. The funny thing is, he thought he was trolling ME, he got it the wrong way round, I've been winding HIM up.

He wasn't trolling you specifically. In fact he never said a single derogatory thing specifically to or about you, until after you started reacting to him. He was trolling the board and you bit. Personally think he belongs here, and would like to see him settle into something other than only what he's been doing. He's posted some things that make me think he might be ready for that, so after all these months I'm now engaging him, and I don't need a six month old fish to tell me I'm a violin.

[Jack]

To look after oneself is to care what one does with it. I don't and receive benefits for it. I just wish I could spend it on a source of wealth that would make me better. Instead, I'm here, fucking about with you lot and using work as a means to not be bored. Whatever dysfunctional attachment style you think I have is just the unfortunate fallout of being a social context at all. I am me, just not myself.

Didn't mean to imply it's dysfunctional, only something I can't relate. My perception may be incorrect, but it's understandable why it is what it is. Having been mistreated by the normals, and then coming here openly seeking mistreatment, simply doesn't jive with not wanting to be terrorized by both sides.

[mdagli1]

Unfortunately, the bubble is a key sign of autism. Too much inner awareness with little outer awareness. If you've accepted and glade to be naive to the outside world, that's your problem. I on the other hand have collapsed it and rejected it as part of me. Which makes me totally immune to the likes of you that use drugs to exacerbate symptoms. A spastic by definition is the path you have chosen and totally dependant on the help of others for an exclusively shellfish life.


If I don't achieve total independence and effective treatment for this condition, I will just rebuild my hypobaric chamber and be done with it. And when the police seize my phone upon discovering my body and see this site, don't be surprised to be taken offline for abetting suicide.