I feel I draw closer and closer to the end. No...this isn't a cry for help. But I am reaching my limits on this pain and plan to sign a DNR for upcoming surgery. If this procedure doesn't help, I really don't know what to do going forward. It is 0430 and I can't sleep again I am in so much pain. I am listening to a lot of Jesus & Mary Chain and Joy Division. Man, Ian Curtis had more in common with Kurt Cobain than I realized. Nobody can ever truly understands another one's pain. For years I fought through it and played through it. That was the way. But now, with my neck unable to support my head, my shoulders in constant, throbbing pain, my mid spine burning with pressure, my lower back constantly spasming, my right knee, well...it has no cartilage, so you guess how it feels, plus the constant headaches, the gut pain, which at least isn't as bad since going vegetarian. Enough is enough. If I didn't have three minions to provide for, I am sure I wouldn't exist anymore. Boo hoo! Fuck me! Get a life you emo prick! That's the problem. Life has no meaning to me on a strict personal level anymore.
