Away/Back thread

[Kaelyrhn]

If there is, it would be mine for not wanting to do something that is very natural to everyone (except defects like me). Not the first relationship I have had that ended due to that. It takes two, see, GA can't be blamed for all.

Asexuality is as normal as anything else. You're not a defect.

[Calavera]

Oh? What did I do?

Thank you for proving my point.

It seems to me your perception is so wildly different from that of the norm you're not even able to understand what you ever did wrong.

Oh, I'm sorry. You seem to have misunderstood me. Probably my fault I didn't phrase my question clearly. I'm not suggesting I didn't do anything wrong (nor am I suggesting that I did, in fact I'm suggesting nothing), but rather I'm asking what you think I did wrong.

What's in bold speaks volumes to me. The good thing about Renaeden posting just now what she did is that I can compare both this post and her post together and see who has no problem willing to be responsible for any wrong he/she/it may have committed against the other and who actually does have a big problem taking accountability.

A shame that Renaeden is being made to forget about all the things she stated in the past when she was complaining about your lack of empathy and consideration for her own feelings. But that's the power of manipulation.

Enjoy living your life the way you do, GA, because you'll never really get to enjoy life the way others do. Keep dwelling in your life of no guilt and no responsibility.

[renaeden]

A shame that Renaeden is being made to forget about all the things she stated in the past when she was complaining about your lack of empathy and consideration for her own feelings. But that's the power of manipulation.

I am not being made to forget. Recently I went back and reread a lot of what I wrote when GA and I split up. And I don't disagree with my points of view then. That is just how I was back then. But for me to hold onto those points of view until now would have been very unhealthy mentally. I would probably be dead if I did do that. I had to move on and continue with life (especially uni which couldn't be put off) and work out things with GA slowly. And I have and still am. Yes, deep down I am still very sad that we are not together but I guess it isn't meant to be.

I haven't come out of this completely happy. I have more doubts than ever as to my ability to be in a real relationship and at the moment am not wanting one at all. But it should be easy to avoid one anyway. And GA and I are friends who see each other pretty often and I would much rather have that than nothing at all.

[Al Swearegen]

Am wondering if it was my initial reaction to GA's transitioning that made what she did "unacceptable". If I had been completely fine with it, still living with her and continuing our marriage, would that make it more acceptable.

Instead I got depressed, ODd on haloperidol (I don't recommend it) and when that didn't do what I wanted it to do, moved to my parents place. These were my choices and my actions (well not the depression part but I think that was waiting on the sidelines to be triggered into happening), I could just have easily had stayed with GA and supported her through what must have been a tough time for her too. But I left her to deal alone. While I had support in the form of my parents. It has been a year and a half since I left GA and she is finding it very hard to cope financially which I feel terrible about since I am managing to save money.

And it turns out that we probably wouldn't be together now anyway due to me being asexual and GA is not. Is there fault there? If there is, it would be mine for not wanting to do something that is very natural to everyone (except defects like me). Not the first relationship I have had that ended due to that. It takes two, see, GA can't be blamed for all.

Ren I am not wanting to start weighing into arguments about this. That said I think something really has to be said in respect to what you wrote above.

YOU are not responsible nor should share some supposed burden of guilt over things.

I liken it to someone after being punched in the face unprovoked and unexpectantly stating "I ought have been more aware of my surroundings and expected to be punched in the face, I likely hurt that poor assailants hand and they suffered too in that they were arrested and now have to have a criminal record whereas i was "let off" scot-free"

It makes no sense in this example and it makes mo sense in the things you say now. It is heart-breakingly sad that you take this position and unwaranted.

I am not saying what GA did or did not do is not leading to them having a hard time of it nor that they indeed suffer. Nor will I start passing any judgment again on their choices or whatever. That is not my intent in what I say. Nor am I inferring that they were voilent to you. I do not believe this nor have any reason to presume as much. This is an example solely about the reasonableness of acceptance of guilt and responsibility being misplaced and that is all.

[Kaelyrhn]

What's in bold speaks volumes to me. The good thing about Renaeden posting just now what she did is that I can compare both this post and her post together and see who has no problem willing to be responsible for any wrong he/she/it may have committed against the other and who actually does have a big problem taking accountability.

I have time and again taken responsibility for the decisions I made and how they affected (effected?) renaeden. But I can't change who and what I am. It's not my fault I was born the way I was, it's not renaeden's fault either. It was basically a shitty situation that had no right answer. The fact that she and I remain really good friends should be a good thing, not something to be held up as proof that I'm a monster or somethign 

A shame that Renaeden is being made to forget about all the things she stated in the past when she was complaining about your lack of empathy and consideration for her own feelings. But that's the power of manipulation.

I spent nearly a year trying to compromise trying to come up with some solution that could work for both of us. I've explained this time and again also.

But you don't care to listen to my side of the argument you've made up your mind. I'm a horrible predatory monster that preyed upon the poor defenceless renaeden. Yeah I married her because I smelled her weakness. I love her because she's an easy target. (sarcasm)
Fuck you.

Enjoy living your life the way you do, GA, because you'll never really get to enjoy life the way others do. Keep dwelling in your life of no guilt and no responsibility.

This is quite possibly the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me, it's also the most irgnorant and deluded.

I knew that if I came back here I'd get some comments...Probably some really nasty ones too. So thank you for fulfilling my expectations that Intensity is the home to some of the more interesting people I've met on the net and also home to some of the most vile.

The fact that renaeden and I are really good friends, the fact we still love each other (perhaps in different ways) speaks to how we've moved on. And we're the one's directly involved. Why are you holding onto this?

[Kaelyrhn]

Who knows...Maybe it speaks to the guilt I feel that I keep coming back here knowing the comments and recriminations I would receive. Perhaps I seek some form of punishment...

Or perhaps I'm just an idiot.

[Frolic_Fun]

GA, you use her for own selfish needs. I don't think she has to make excuses, If I was her I'd break any ties of communication by now. And to annoy you, I have no respect to refer you as a "she" and will consider you male until your grave. The fact you're still doing it despite the drama before is sad.

Don't try to justify yourself Renedan or to put guilt on yourself, I had the exact same issue with my mother and my father after they separated. She wanted to be "friends" with him despite him being also a manipulative bastard. I speculate it's a form of Stockholm Syndrome. I'm not trying to go against you, I'm just being honest. It's not acceptable and it's not your fault, you don't have to be under such unnecessary burdens.

[Kaelyrhn]

There is clearly nothing I could ever do that would change anyone's opinions of me. So I don't know why we're I'm continuing to discuss it.

[Frolic_Fun]

Well you came back and seemed to give the impression that people will welcome you with open arms, after ducking your head for a few months and hoping everyone would forget. I have to agree you're a major idiot for even considering to do so.

[Calavera]

I have time and again taken responsibility for the decisions I made and how they affected (effected?) renaeden.

That's why you continued to use her even after the split.

Something about callously telling her to go to the airport to pick up some dear intimate friend of yours while she (Renaeden) was/is still down and depressed because of how you treated her?

Don't talk to me about responsibility when you don't know what it is.

But I can't change who and what I am.

I don't give a shit if you can't change what you are. Manipulation is still manipulation.

This is quite possibly the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me, it's also the most irgnorant and deluded.

Yeah, you poor persecuted victim.

[Kaelyrhn]

Well you came back and seemed to give the impression that people will welcome you with open arms, after ducking your head for a few months and hoping everyone would forget. I have to agree you're a major idiot for even considering to do so.

Well I was hoping bygones would be bygones, and this issue would be considered a dead horse.

That's why you continued to use her even after the split.

Something about callously telling her to go to the airport to pick up some dear intimate friend of yours while she (Renaeden) was/is still down and depressed because of how you treated her?

I asked, she declined, end of story.

I don't give a shit if you can't change what you are. Manipulation is still manipulation.

Prove it.

[Calavera]

Yes, you asked, and that in itself was bad enough. Problem is you have no clue why that was callous.

And I'm not here enter a futile "prove it" debate with something that can't be trusted to be consistent with its words. Stick the "prove it" statement up your ass.

[Kaelyrhn]

I'm sick of this argument. You stick up your arse.

renaeden and I know the score, that's all that matters. So good day sir.

[renaeden]

I have time and again taken responsibility for the decisions I made and how they affected (effected?) renaeden.

You got it right the first time. Effect means "to bring about" in this sort of context and wouldn't work here.

Sir Les, I understand what you mean, in that what happened wasn't my fault. But my reactions did make things suck even further, is what I am saying. It was a shitty thing that happened and I am sure that it has happened to other couples as well.

Yes, I remember seeing one such couple on tv that stayed together and everyone was happy for them. So I repeat what I said before:
Am wondering if it was my initial reaction to GA's transitioning that made what she did "unacceptable". If I had been completely fine with it, still living with her and continuing our marriage, would that make it more acceptable.

I am not completely dependent on GA, I make my own decisions as to what I do in life. She is still important to me though, and has been since we first grew close. We get along well as friends, we like a lot of the same things. She has had her own problems lately but has always been there to encourage me to do better at uni. And I have been doing better. We go to the same uni but we are doing completely different degrees.

[Calavera]

You stick up your arse.

Too late. I said it first.

Now fuck off.