Over the past few months I have been alot more introspective on many things, ultimately making self improvement a lot more rapid than ever before. This isn't a depression/pentagram woe is me thread, just an honest observation of myself.
As of late, I have observed my own personality towards other people and at times it even digusts me. Sure I see myself as honest and up-front, but I honestly do come off as a pretentious, arrogant, trollish, hypocritical twat that cares more about himself than others. I also lack empathy towards others in a lot of aspects and continiously fail to see their point of view despite trying to not come off as being dogmatic. This puts off a lot of people, especially my friends.
The problem is not them, despite me initially thinking it is, but myself. I had plenty of friends leave me because I took it too far and inevitably just fucked things up, most of the time I'll secretly deeply regret but sadly such lost friendships are irrepairable. Any friends that did take me back were driven away again and again from my cuntishness, until they too didn't want to put up with my shit for any longer. This happens most commonly online, when I am most open. This means I cannot hold a friendship or even repair one if I kept up with this personality. I don't aim to repair any fucked up friendships however, as I just have to learn from my mistakes.
I find it easier IRL as I am more tolerant and laid back, I'm less likely to act like a cunt. However this still isn't enough as my personality traits exist IRL aswell, so the process of losing friends etc. is slower but still there. This was especially true at secondary school, when I honestly did think I was better than everyone. In reality half the bullying I recieved was warranted because I acted like a cunt.
This may take years to change these traits, but the only way to *not* drive off any people who literally did nothing wrong to me is to not come off as cuntish as I normally do. This normally would make me think "what the fuck are you thinking?" but it really is naive to pin point everyone's faults the whole time and simply just accept that is just the way people are. The world is full of shit so it just gets tiresome and boring.
I'm not trying to say I have to be "nice" and get along with everyone, but I realised that moderation will most likely be key to developing more healthier relationships with people in future. I also have to try and be more socialable in general, as it takes two to tango.
But anyways, what are your introspections that provide improvement of yourself?