Heh I got caught and given a bollocking for (after witnessing the headmaster grabbing a young LFA boy, and leading him on, by his ARSE, with someone else witnessing he'd done it) carving *heads name*..with a packet of sweeties and a cheeky smile...*headmaster's name's* a fucking pae-do-phile.
Along with scratching swastikas into a really obnoxious git on the carestaff's car (he was jewish), everybody called him ferret, or ferret-face or occasionally variants like 'that fucking weaselly little kike shithead' and other terms of, well not endearment to say the least, because his last name was ferris, and loads of people fucking loathed him, because he was in general a complete and utter cockmongrel without the least fraction of a use to humanity at large. A weaselly, gobby, foetid little turd floating in the baby and toddler paddling pond section of the gene pool and positively writhing with blowfly maggots; if man he was underneath his outer suit of worthless bastard, then there was precious little humanity in there. That and he had a major attitude problem.
Quite a lot of people 'decorated' the school with swastikas and various epithets directed at him and offensively-worded rhymes and limericks, surrounded by borders of swastikas. One even got burnt into one of the toilet block's hand-towel dispensers so it could never be removed, along with some not very nice remarks about gas chambers and ovens.
And he got told jokes like 'whats the difference between you and a pizza, sir? 'a pizza doesn't scream when his family is thrown into an oven and he is made to take out the ashes before being thrown in after'
He deserved it though. Guy was one of the biggest arseholes I've ever, ever met in my life, short of actual child abusers, and those who employ violence unprovoked against others, or that are guilty of animal cruelty.
IIRC it was him (might have been another of the carestaff, it was hard to see from the range it happened at) but something truly hilarious did happen to him once, when we were taken golfing (it was a boarding school for autistic kids) and there were plenty of planned activities. This one girl, joanne, she somehow managed, despite no training or experience, purely by luck or the hand of the gods themselves, to take a real belter of a shot, for a tiny girl (about chest height to me when I was 14-15) she put one hell of a lot of welly behind that shot, and managed to slam the golf ball god knows how many hundred yards, right into the back of his head, dropping him like a stone, flat out on the deck.
He didn't get up for a while either. Personally I reckon I wasn't the only pupil there hoping he wouldn't get up again, permanently. But, he did, eventually. Damn though, that was a real cracker of a shot. Felled the fucker like a bullet, hit him in what looked to be just to the side of the back of his skull. Even from far downrange I could hear the 'THWACK!...URKGHH...thud' as his nasty vindictive little brain eventually caught up with the fact that it had just been used as a driving range target and that for the timebeing it was no longer supposed to be in control of the rest of his body
Lets see...there were a few other pranks. One involving a (fish-less, but water filled) fish tank, and a large lump of potassium, when it was meant to be sodium demonstrated. And I mean large enough to make quite a spectacular series of loud explosions, in a chain reaction, as it first hit the water in the tank, placed on the science lab bench, blasted itself, melting as it did so, in a jet of purple dripping, flaming molten metal, most of it hitting the ceiling, and going on to fall back down as molten, flaming potassium metal rain back down into the water, and in turn being blasted back up onto the ceiling again, with other bits flying off at all angles, still on fire, still exploding, but with the major what used to be a lump, part of it, still burning in an intense metal fire (metal fires are nasty to deal with, you need special extinguishers because of the intense heat, and they will react with water sprays, and DEFINITELY should never be treated with a CO2 fire extinguisher because many burning metals once they get going burn hot enough to split carbon dioxide into C and O2, basically the equivalent of throwing petrol on a bonfire to try and put it out. Metal fires, alkali or alkaline earth metals not counted, are usually difficult to get started but once they ARE on fire, they really are difficult to put out. And halon fire extinguishers are likely to result in the formation of some really noxious gases, possibly even HF fumes (hydrogen fluoride. HF and its solution in water, hydrofluoric acid are some of the most virulent substances commonly encountered in any labs, its lethal stuff and can easily, fatally be absorbed through the skin, where it goes on to chelate the calcium from your blood, and start dissolving it out of your bones, the resulting insoluble calcium fluoride blocking blood vessels, and the hypocalcaemia usually going on to cause cardiac arrest. Its one of the things that are on my 'just BARELY' list, as to whether or not I will either use it for anything or do anything that releases HF as a byproduct. Its up there with cyanides, azides, cyanogen halides etc. in terms of nasty as shit-dom and being volatile, I'd sooner work with a solid alkali/alkaline earth metal azide or cyanide any day since you have to come to them, whilst HF will come to you and skullfuck you slowly and painfully.
The potassium incident was hilarious. Everybody running and ducking for cover, bar me, staying to watch the fireworks and laughing my arse off:D
What else....ferret-face got his car tyres knifed as did the paedo headmaster many times. We'd go out at night and slash their tyres.
One of the carestaff, who wasn't really bad, but could be a bitch, I pranked her pretty well by waiting until everybody else had gone out, and hiding up in the house base's loft. Waited for her to come back to the teacher's R&R section that doubled as a dining room, and, after she came in, me watching for her through a little crack wedged open in the loft door, held on to two sides of the loft floor with my legs, and suddenly dropped down behind her, upside down, grabbed her and screamed as loud as I could in her ear. Scared the absolute piss out of her. She looked like she was actually about to piss herself, and jumped right up in the air as if bitten on the backside by a rattlesnake.
And one of the pupils was universally LOATHED, absolute twat, and he stalked this girl, a lovely lass, who was very, very popular amongst everybody more or less, just the kind of person you cannot help but like (and gorgeous too) and a good friend of mine, he stalked her relentlessly. And the care staff made (for a very short time) the huge mistake (on their part) of putting me in a 2-bed dorm room with him. Didn't last long though, because I took to shitting on him as he slept, crapping under his pillow, or just on his head, and then pissing all over his bedclothes and over him. That, after he flat out ignored both the girl in question telling him to get the hell away from her and stay away, and after being given numerous warnings, at first, civilly, and eventually progressing to being headlock-flipped from a ground-based standing position, whilst I put him in a reverse chokehold crouching on a picnic table, stood up and backflipped, slamming his head first into the table seat, and then into the dirt, tearing his earrings out in the process and for that matter looked like I nearly ripped half his ear off. Still hung on, but not completely attached. To when he started screaming things like 'you are mine fay' you love me' you have to be with me' at the top of his lungs in a supermarket, that earned him a real battering from several people. Several times in fact, including one where we were all on an outing on some hilly fells, peppered with razor sharp flint outcrops, and after having the shit kicked out of him by several people for his continued stalking (many of us tried to civilly stop it, as did the victim of his stalking) he got picked up bodily by his arms and legs, and literally spun round like a shot-put and thrown by a 3 or 4 man team (can't remember which) straight off the edge, bouncing down a load of sharp flint and stinging nettles and briar patches(
Got a major bollocking once for getting caught with an 8th of hash. That they went more mental over than almost anything else, even beating the living shite out of, or crapping on stalker-boy. That didn't make sense. Almost got expelled for that, as did 3-4 others who partook. Although not one of us would grass the girl who brought it in to share with us (and we took turns in hiding it) in for it. Same girl as stalker boy, had he been a cat, would have been on his 8,999995'th percent of a life, kept bothering but who everybody else would do anything for her as a friend. The creepy ass paedo headmaster went APE over just a henry of hash and the packet of rolling papers, lighter and tobacco to roll spliffs with, Summoned the ENTIRE school, staff and all, into the assembly hall* and started bellowing at the top of his lungs, along with ferret-face the kike, until they were both bright red to going purple in the face, with all the veins standing out on their heads as if afflicted by some weird tropical nasty disease.
Both of them were literally screaming, past bellowing and just shrieking with uncontrollable rage. Over just an 8th (worth about £20) of hash.
In the end we all managed to plead our way out of being expelled on the spot. The idiot head actually threatened to call the police (ignoring the fact that the boarding school in particular was situated way out in the sticks, in a little village miles away from anywhere but a one corner shop near the school, and the next nearest shop was at least a mile away, all thatched straw roofed cottages covered in whitewashed walls. Real out in the middle of nowhere and the chances of the pork coming over an 8th of hash in such a situation and to so far out of their way, when no proof of anybody's guilt is available (not that I acknowledge the concept of 'guilt' in such a victimless 'crime' where nobody gets hurt and all parties consent to every bit of involvement with whatever it is)
The chances of cops, or even A copper coming would have been about as big as my having all the population of china jumping up and down at the same time and expecting to be propelled to the moon. If that.
That and the time me and my friend steve got a liter bottle of vodka and ended up drinking the lot on an unsupervized outing, and pretty much starting a two-man riot across a large portion of Salisbury city.
*seriously what is the POINT of 'assembly' it doesn't serve any purpose I've ever been able to work out?
