Those of you with children

[Natalia Evans]

Do you raise your kids to be religious?

I will not but I will tell him how some people are religious and he can believe in whatever he wants and he must respect other peoples beliefs. Do not argue with them or even criticize their religion. Everyone is entitled to their religion and what they believe in. If he is an atheist let's say, he shouldn't shove it in other peoples faces about there not being a god and telling them how wrong they are for thinking there is one and pushing it on them. But the only kind of religion that is okay to not tolerate is the type who refuse to get their kids medical treatment because they don't believe in doctors and they think herbs or nature will heal them or god. You call social services if you see that happening to a child.

What would you do if you found out they'd been looking at porn?

I'd talk to him about it and tell him how illegal it is for minors to be looking at porn and his father and I could get into serious trouble for it.

What level of privacy do they have (ie would you read their diary, look through their things etc)

I will not read through his diary, and I might only look through his things if I feel he has been hiding something or I get suspicious  about something. I will make him have his facebook profile or myspace or any other net working website that might exist in the future private and to not add anyone too his friends if he doesn't know them.

If they're getting overweight, what would you do?

If he is in his teens and he is buying his own food with money he is earning, nothing I can do about it really. But if he is a little kid and if he is over eating, I would cut back on food (not starve him) and put locks on the cupboards and fridge is he is sneaking them. If he is gaining weight for no reason, I would take him to the doctor. But since it's genetic in my husband's family, my kid could get over weight nonetheless but I also know sometimes a whole family is overweight because of the foods they eat. So if my kid does get overweight nonetheless and he is healthy and has no medical problems that is causing it and we aren't buying junk food or lot of sweets, nothing I can do about it. But I can try and encourage him to be more active.

How would you respond if they told you they wanted to be a different sex?

"Okay. Why?"

Do you have a gun in your house and is it loaded?

No guns here.

If they wanted to refuse medical treatment, under what kind of circumstances would you force it?

That is a tough one. If he is little, I have all the power over him and I can easily pick him up and take him to the doctor and they can easily hold him down. If he is in his teens, that be a lot tougher to handle.

(I know all these depend on the age of your kid, but you can incorporate that into your answers_)

And my son is only three weeks old and my new life is just starting as a parent and it's going to get harder as he gets older.

[Adam]

Is it really a problem for people under 18 to be looking at porn though? (say a 15 year old)

If he does it privately then I don't see why anyone should get in trouble

As for religion, I think it's ok to criticise it. Especially the sexist/homophobic stuff. And anything which is obviously false (creationism) should definitely be challenged imo

[Natalia Evans]

Is it really a problem for people under 18 to be looking at porn though? (say a 15 year old)

If he does it privately then I don't see why anyone should get in trouble

As for religion, I think it's ok to criticise it. Especially the sexist/homophobic stuff. And anything which is obviously false (creationism) should definitely be challenged imo

We have IPs and they can be traced. But you're right, how can the FBI know someone under 18 is looking at those sites? It make me a bad mother if I let him look at them if I knew about it. If my mom caught me looking at those or my brothers, we be busted for a long time. I know my brothers looked at them and I told my parents but their cover up was they get all these pop ups when they are on the internet and they stay in the cookies and search and they bought it because they were internet illiterate. I knew it was BS because I used the internet all the time so I knew more and how it works. I never really looked at porn because it disgusted me and I find it boring. But I hear lot of women don't look at porn and it's mostly men who do and it's pretty common for teens to do it and pre teens because they are curious.


And I find it really annoying when people shove god in my face and their religion and telling me I am going to hell if I don't pray to my sins or believe in him or go to church. In fact it pisses me off so therefore I don't turn around and do the same to religious people by telling them god isn't real and god is stupid and the stories are all made up and lies and believing the bible is like me believing Benny & Joon or believing the baby Sitters Club books by thinking all the characters are real and it all happened. I would also never tell them church is a waste of time for them. It make me a hypocrite if I did that.

[Parts]

Do you raise your kids to be religious?
No

What would you do if you found out they'd been looking at porn?

That would depend on how old.  The younger the more consequences

What level of privacy do they have (ie would you read their diary, look through their things etc)

Fairly high I would not read their diary or go through their things unless there was some real suspicion something was really wrong or they were in danger

If they're getting overweight, what would you do?

Give them hints help them in ways I could but you can't make them change

How would you respond if they told you they wanted to be a different sex?

What could I do?  Support them how I could.  Worse things could happen than this

Do you have a gun in your house and is it loaded?

I have one from the 1700's don't think it would work.  Both my sons have had gun safety training.  My daughter is terrified of them and would have nothing to do with them
 
If they wanted to refuse medical treatment, under what kind of circumstances would you force it?

Life or death and serious harm. Forcing kids to do anything is not an easy prospect

[Adam]

Sounds good to me ^

(not that I'm here to judge which of you qualify as decent parents or not just saying which I agree with)

['andersom']

Do you raise your kids to be religious?

They are in a christian school, and have religious friends. I hope to learn them to think for themselves, and also to respect other peoples choices. At school the questions they asked were never a problem. With some friends it has been. I do hope that if they take a religious sense of that with them, that it will be that they are loved.

What would you do if you found out they'd been looking at porn?

Will depend on the age, and what kind of porn. Discussing it would be part of it anyway I think. Curiosity is a healthy thing. Hope they will be curious in a healthy way.

What level of privacy do they have (ie would you read their diary, look through their things etc)

High level of privacy. And as long as they do as well as they do now, that will not change. Would one of them fall into the hands of a loverboy or so, I would violate their privacy. But not now. A former colleague of mine has taken all privacy from one of her children, and thus has saved the girl from falling in the hands of a pimp of young girls, and from dating 45 year old men as a 14 year old. Her other children do have privacy. It does depend on the child. But, from a very early age, I knocked on the doors of my children before entering the room, and not long after that, I waited till they said I could enter. (Not in the mornings though, I will knock, and then come in to tell them to wake up. )

If they're getting overweight, what would you do?

One of my kids was underweight as a young kid, because overweight was such a big issue in her class. As a six year old, she decided to eat less. Took a while before we realised what it was that made her so weak. Doctor visits, blood tests etc. She did not appear skinnier, but had no strength left. She had a very high metabolism, and still ate lots more than a regular child of her age, but it was not enough. She felt for herself how it was draining her, how she could not keep her head up when swimming and such. So, it was not that hard to motivate her to eat more. I still add extra fat to the food I make, because both of them don't want to eat butter on their bread and such. The result is that I eat more than I should, but they are in good shape. Would they get overweight, I guess that just like QV, it would be something to try to fight together, for as much as it is in my power. There is only so much you can do indeed.

How would you respond if they told you they wanted to be a different sex?

Now that one would surprise me.  They have so amazed me with how super girly they are, I never was like that. But, if they told that in earnest, I would support them on their quest for what they need and want. Let them explore the thought of a sex-change. And if they found out that that indeed is what would be good for them, I would support them in that.

Do you have a gun in your house and is it loaded?

No.

If they wanted to refuse medical treatment, under what kind of circumstances would you force it?

I would try to convince them of medical treatments I thought necessary. And in things on life and death, I would force it on them I think. Though, in really harsh cases, where it is only about possible elongating of life with a couple of months or so, I think the voice of the child is of bigger importance than that of the parent. Hope that never will happen. The last vaccinations my oldest got offered, I have let her decide that for herself. The vaccination has been questioned a lot, and been promoted a lot. The promotional answers are more emotional than rational. That does make it questionable for me. Most girls in her class got the freedom of their parents to choose for themselves btw.

(I know all these depend on the age of your kid, but you can incorporate that into your answers_)

Kids are 9 and 13

[odeon]

Do you raise your kids to be religious?

No. My daughter is going ahead with her confirmation but it can't be because of anything I said or did. I've always encouraged them both to think for themselves.

What would you do if you found out they'd been looking at porn?

Well, my daughter discovered some naughty pages when she was about nine and told me so, giggling, so I decided I just needed to be as neutral as possible while making sure that she isn't dong anything stupid.

My son had a very good look around 13 but he is always honest and figured he needed to tell me. I told him that it's something he needs to do in private but again tried to stay reasonably neutral. No point in making an issue out of anything needlessly.

What level of privacy do they have (ie would you read their diary, look through their things etc)

No, I don't read their diaries or look through their things, but I do sometimes check their web histories, again without reading anything.

If they're getting overweight, what would you do?

No idea since they don't have that problem. I think I would try to get them to exercise and cut down on the really unhealthy stuff if that was a problem.

How would you respond if they told you they wanted to be a different sex?

No idea but I hope I would be able to be supportive if it was what they really wanted.

Do you have a gun in your house and is it loaded?

Guess.

If they wanted to refuse medical treatment, under what kind of circumstances would you force it?

When it was needed. I know that's a bit vague but it's the best answer I can give. We've had our share of problems with them both.

(I know all these depend on the age of your kid, but you can incorporate that into your answers_)

Wasn't a problem.

[odeon]

That sounds pretty much how I would think I would raise kids if I had them, except maybe the trans question, but that's not surprising I guess

Medical treatment - I wasn't thinking of anything in particular at the time. I'm guessing most situations like this would be pretty extreme, ie when they're extremely ill and don't want to risk an operation which could kill them/make them worse, but could also improve their life expectancy

Until they are adults and can make and take adult responsibility then I will make the best call I can and advise them of why

QFT