Well of course, I'd have to have a pig scanner and an ECM suite.
As for millions of dollars..nope. The most expensive would probably the PIKL cannon, but the US have already developed the technology, although I'm not sure if its ever been put into active service. Hobbyists build railguns, generally the limitations are wear and tear on the barrels (I've often wondered about a highly thermally resistant barrel lining, such as iridium or molybdenum as an electroplated layer, and having the rounds housed in a graphite sabot, which would both lubricate the slug as it traverses the barrel, and serve to have each round provide its own armature, as with plasma railguns (no, this isn't a plasma cannon, as neat as it would be, rather, the armature is formed as a plasma generated by arcing within the barrel at the back of the round, both allowing for very high velocity, and dispensing with the need for a solid armature which is also traveling at high speed, and thus could well cause off target effects)
And also the power available from the capacitor bank, generally a marx generator configuration is used, and you can find some real hefty pulse-rated caps on ebay, multiple farad capacitance at 20kv or more. And given a tank, the weight (they are at least a foot tall, nearly as wide and 7-8 inches or so thick, with bus bars like fucking train tracks, and were a single one of them to connect to a human and discharge, it wouldn't just kill the unlucky individual, it'd most likely blow a bloody great hole and create a cloud of pink squishy mist), heavy, but wired up as a marx generator, a buggering big chain of them, of course using laser switching (essentially the marx generator is a series of capacitors wired in series, a spark gap wired between each junction and a resistor of suitable value either side at each stage, it serves to give N+2 times the voltage with each stage, and with big enough caps, you can make one HELL of a railgun, the US navy has a battleship mounted one, powered by its on-board nuclear reactor, and apparently, it can launch a six-kilogram metal slug at hypersonic velocities, just a solid metal dart, more or less, along with a sabot, that can hit targets beyond the horizon, and through sheer velocity alone, the kinetic energy delivered is sufficient to do damage equivalent to a cruise missile costing hundreds of thousands a piece.
While I'd not be able to build one THAT big, you can fit a lot of weight in heavy ass caps and coolant systems on a tank, and charge the cap bank directly from the engines, with suitable circuitry to adapt the output to charge the marx. Solve the wear and tear problem by using disposable barrels preloaded with a magazine equal to the wear rate, so the whole thing is discarded once the slugs are fired and a new unit is moved up to connect to the power supply.
PIKLs have been tested, basically it employs a high-powered brief pulse from a pair of lasers, to form a conductive plasma channel as the lasers ionize the air, down which is then sent a huge electrical pulse, the effect being to first ablate (assisted by the lasers) the impact area forming a vapor cloud, which the electrical pulse then detonates, causing both direct electrical and thermal damage, and propagating a large shockwave through the target.
And hobbyists have built EMP devices before. A tank just means you have a bigger power supply and thus greater capacity to fry cop cars extra crispy and send the bastard occupants flying into the nearest solid immovable object and have them end up extra crispy too.
Moral of the above? you really don't want an autistic with an autie bent for science to get hold of a tank and customize the hell out of it when they have a fucking huge grudge against donut-munching sacks of dog shit. Because you all know how creative auties can get, and all the more so when it falls into the domain of one of their specialities.
As for the motorbike, well, why the hell not. I'm not so comfortable driving a car for some reason, and for going to places where I don't wish to damage the environment, such as say, mushroom picking in the forests, I'd not want to pulverize somewhere where something either delicious or very rare wants to live. And if I'm going to be stinking rich, do you really think I'm about to settle for a used motor scooter worth about £150 give or take, when I can have something that'll pass 100mph and do it laughing? you must be shitting me
I'd probably outfit the bike with a couple of....ahem...little surprises....
And one of them would even be cosmetic, I'd mount a couple of spark plugs in the exhaust pipe to ignite the nitrous oxide/unburnt fuel, perhaps have a small amount of fuel diverted from the engine and sprayed into the exhaust, after drilling a few holes for an air intake there. I've seen it done with a car before, driving down the main road with a jet of fire blazing out of the tailpipe, looked neat as hell. Almost certainly illegal, but then again, most of the improvements would take care of any undesirable porcine vermin.
Probably involving caltrop-dropping stinger-style tyre-busting spikes, oil slick releasers, acid sprayers for dealing with close-up undesirables, likewise side and rear mounted flamethrowers (and hey while I'm at it making with the spazz-tech creativity, I'd DEFINITELY have to mount a napalm cannon (acetone, styrofoam, and thick fuel oil mixed with a fine suspension of a suitable oxidizing agent makes GREAT napalm. Or perhaps just canisters of white phosphorus and a pulsed electrical discharge through hefty nichrome wire synchronized to fire with an explosive propellant charge would do it, and white phosphorus is just nasty, vicious stuff. I've worked with it a fair few times in a non-weaponry capacity, and it self-ignites in air, its viscous, sticks to things and burns like the fury of the devil himself. You put the flames out, and the second you remove the extinguishing agent, the white phosphorus just bursts into flames again, and whatever it hits, it either burns straight through and out the other side, assuming it isn't solid metal or something equally fire resistant, or the phosphorus itself burns until it is consumed. All the while, giving off a massive cloud of white smoke, composed of phosphorus pentoxide, the anhydride of phosphoric acid. Plus, its heinously toxic, similarly so to cyanide, I got a speck of it on my arm once, whilst distilling it as a little kid, got no more than a couple of tens of milligrams at most, about half the size of a lentil, and aside from the shockingly, brutally painful thermal burn that had been effectively doused in close to 100% phosphoric acid, the arm that got the white phos on it, after the initial burn, it hurt like buggery for a long, long time after, and worse, the entire arm became almost paralyzed. I could move it, just about, but the muscular weakness was so severe that I couldn't pick up anything, and anything I tried to hold with that hand just fell out as if the hand wasn't there at all, I was JUST about able to move my fingers, albeit sluggishly and weakly, and the near-paralysis and palsied shaking took at least a month until I recovered, quite likely more, although I didn't time it to the exact week, since I was A-a pre-teen and didn't have a mobile phone or a watch, and B-I was more worried about the fact that I came pretty close to getting my ticket punched and-or having my jawbone become necrotic and rot off my face (called phossy jaw, it really isn't a pretty thing, or a nice one to have happen to you), it takes around 40-50mg to kill a grown man, although its much slower than cyanide, weeks or more to die, whilst it reduces your liver to mush. If swallowed, apparently you even shit glow in the dark turds in case of a significant quantity, glow in the dark turds which belch off white acid fumes of P2O5.
And as for the smoke cloud it gives off, there is offensive and defensive potential in that too, you don't need much to create a real whopper of an corrosive, highly acidic billowing smog. I remember once, whilst heating red phosphorus under inert gas in the back garden, and the glassware broke, was a couple of hundred grams or so of boiling hot white phos in there, as I was converting the red allotrope to the white, and catching it under ice cold water, condensing it out from the vapor, glass broke, and WHOOOOOMMPH!!!, instant humongous eerie greenish white luminescent searingly bright fuckoff great fireball, which, needless to say, at least until it had burnt out and the acid left behind had converted to phosphate, which served to fertilize the grass, the lawn did NOT take kindly to.
The acid-cloud though, jesus fucking christ, I've never seen anything like that other than in the movies, it was bloody enormous, thankfully, I had the sense, for that reason, to pick a time when the next door neighbors were out, as...well...massive searing hot corrosive as hell visually impenetrable dense smog of orthophosphoric acid anhydride-insurance, to avoid any possibility, should things go awry, of injury to the neighbors, because that cloud of acid fumes was so thick and dense that you couldn't see more than..a bit less than a foot into the cloud, and even indoors with the windows closed, it was still possible to 'smell' a strongly tangy, sourness in the air after taking the gas mask off.
So smoke dispensers and explosively propelled phosphorus charges, rear mounted on the bike, think 'shotgun shell loaded with about a half pound of willy pete with a short barrel to direct it', and for the tank, both of the above, plus an electrically heated launcher for molten white phosphorus.
Its used in warfare, to provide smoke screens, and as an incendiary weapon, and if it hits someone, one of two things happen. One being that it starts burning on the area hit, and then burns until it ends up coming out of the other side of the body, or if its a lesser quantity, makes a damn good crack at doing so until it burns itself out, and if the burns don't kill the person hit, the poisonous effects, I have no doubt, based on my childhood experience with a tiny, tiny bit, enough to burn only a little shallow (but horrendously painful) pit out of my arm, that a military WP incendiary round of any kind, assuming the recipient(s) aren't simply roasted alive in the intense heat of a phosphorus flame, that much more by even a few scraps would be enough to condemn them to a slower death.
There are some days working with the stuff that I seriously wonder 'quite why the glow in the dark phosphorescent furry mother of fuck, am I not only allowing it in my lab at all, but preparing it by heating it to a high temperature from red phosphorus and distilling it'. I'll do it, but its a procedure I am exceedingly careful whilst undertaking, due to the combined cyanide-level toxicity, pyrophoricity and the fact that when it does burst into flame if it ever contacts air, (one stores it under water to prevent this, and when cold, it can quickly be measured out and added to a flask, etc, but you have to be quick off the mark to do it), then it leaves a huge cloud of aerosolized concentrated acid in its wake that will happily burn your lungs to hell and back, then return them to hell again and if it gets a chance, burn the surface of your eyes and leave you blind. And with prolonged exposure especially, if inhaled, then there is the phossy jaw 'issue' to think about. And if it doesn't kill you, you might well not be lucky for that fact, if it does cause phossy jaw, that is, although come to think of it, if that does happen, then you really aren't lucky at all, and are probably better off dead.
Got to be one of the nastiest things ever to be present in my lab, and I'll just bet a mod for the tank that fires a flamethrower-type jet of pure molten white phosphorus would be a most effective cop-deterrent.
Mmmm...pork scratchings, covering sweet'n'sour roast pork.
Now that is a simply delightful thought. I'd love to hear the screams....shit, I'd have to record them, cook enough pork to make a mix burned to a DVD, could use it to soothe myself to sweet, sweet dreams if ever I can't sleep. Just listening to them burn alive slowly.
