I fucking hate people.

[Callaway]

Can you go to another college? Where they will have some knowledge of autism?

I am in no position to move right now, but that seems like a good idea.

Maybe the lady of the transitional living program can help you out in finding a college that will be good for you, and help you with moving out too.
Wouldn't part of the grant be meant for the costs of moving and living?

Pell Grants cover the costs of tuition, books, and basic living expenses, but they aren't usually enough in themselves to pay for college.  I had one in addition to my merit scholarship, once upon a time.

[Celticgoddess]

My major at college is Computer Information Systems - Network Administration, because I love to do computer-related stuff. I do probably need more interests, because my only ones right now are computers, gaming, and doom metal music. I don't know much about anything else. As far as autism support goes, there really isn't anything in my hometown for that. I dunno about joining a speech club, the problem is that I just cannot keep on talking, my mind goes blank easily.

As far as how I stopped going to college, I was put on financial aid suspension for inadequate progress. I appealed it, reasoning that my accident where I got hit by a car, the short-term injuries prevented me from going to campus, and my long-term depression affected my ability to concentrate. And after providing medical records from the general hospital, my appeal was approved and now I am on financial aid probation. I have to go to college full time and make a GPA above 2.0 for the Spring 2010 semester.

I hate writing essays and reports. And obviously, the classes I am gonna eventually have to take will involve those things. ARGH!

I'm assuming you'll be assigned an academic counselor when you get there given you're on probation. That could work in your favour because that person can help set you up with added assistance for things that you struggle with. Keep your appointments, tell them what you find difficult and that person can eventually speak on your behalf to probation when they see your effort should you run into a few bumps along the way. If you build that relationship from the start, it can benefit you along the way.

Although a place with more autism knowledge would benefit you, I wouldn't suggest moving anyway because everything you know and feel comfortable with is there and so is your foster Mum. I wouldn't consider moving until you're more firmly on your feet.

['Butterflies']

I know that there is no point in posting this, because there's no way that anyone can really help me, and this thread will just get buried under a flurry of General Worthlessbeard's faggotry threads, but I'm gonna do it anyways because I have no other way of really venting. And I'll keep on bumping this thread until I get a few goddamned answers! Now, I know that when you are autistic, that you are usually impaired when it comes to social skills, but it seems like as time goes on, I'm finding it harder and harder to just interact with anyone anymore. The few friends I have on MSN, I can't really talk to them because they don't really show any interest in what I say or what I like. Since I am not getting any new contacts, I think I'm gonna uninstall the goddamned worthless program sometimes soon, since it's nothing but just a fucking piece of adware.

In real life, I am considering going back to college, I was awarded the Pell Grant for the Spring 2010 semester. Maybe I'll get the Tennessee Lottery Scholarship, too. That's gonna help grow my savings account, as long as I get a GPA above 2.0, which is a C average. But anyways, I feel like it's too difficult to know when to do this and that for social interaction. In the Sims 2, when your Sim's social meter gets low, he/she starts crying and shit. All you have to do to resolve that is click on another Sim and click on Talk, BAM! His social meter is on its way to being filled back up and your Sim becomes happy again! Even if you fail to do that, the Social Bunny magically drops from above and you can talk to him. I wish it was that simple in reality, but it isn't. Talking to someone can be very tricky and difficult because everyone is different in the right places and the same in the wrong places. When you are just sitting there, feeling all depressed and lonely because no one wants to talk to you, when you really need someone to talk to, there's no Social Bunny to drop in and be friendly and listen to you.

And I fucking swear, it's always up to me to take the initiative and I simply can NOT do it! I need a friend or two, preferably in real life, who cares about me, and wants to help me. My former foster mother is the only person I have, and she is busy with her life. I'm glad she goes out of her way to give me a ride to the grocery store or to the doctor's appointment, but I'm afraid that one day, she's gonna get sick of giving me a ride or not being able to socialize with me properly that she won't answer the phone. Most of my family has already given me up for their own selfish ways, many years ago. A man that offered to teach me how to drive, after one session, stopped answering my calls. After selling him a laptop and helping his dumbass do the simplest fucking things on it several months ago.

For about a year, I have been in this "transitional living program" which, as my foster mother has said, is a joke. There's basically nothing this program can do for me, but I cannot bring myself to tell my case manager that, because I need that conversation I have with her when she visits every week. They are planning on cutting me off of that program in about a month. They cannot teach me how to drive for some reason. Fucking useless. If you are going to transit me from "dependent living" to "independent living", then you better have driver's education as part of the plan in case I didn't have my parents to teach me how to drive. And I sure as Hell do NOT have anyone to teach me how to drive. Fucking useless program. Maybe that's why it's voluntary.

Well, I'm just sitting on my ass, depressed and all that. Cannot sleep because of it. These pills I have been getting just don't do the trick anymore, so it looks like the doctor's gonna have to up the dosage the next time I see her. Or maybe I'll fucking take more of them myself, I have a little surplus of Zoloft from the times I skipped my doses. I guess I'll just close this soapbox for now.

I know what you mean about finding it harder to interact with people as you get older. Ever since I left school I would say that my social skills have got worse. I think it's because nowadays I interact with the same few people every day, rather than being forced to interact with completely different people. I think going back to college would be a good idea for you. It would get you out of the house and force you to interact with different people, and hopefully make some new friends.

I need a friend or two, preferably in real life, who cares about me, and wants to help me.

You can't look for friends that want to help you. They probably won't want to help you to begin with. Once they become your friends, if they see that you need help they might be willing to help.


I wish I could give you better advice, but sadly I'm hopelss socially myself, and I don't have many of the answers.

The few suggestions I do have are:

Get yourself out and about. You'll struggle to make any IRL friends in your apartment. College would be great. Where I live there are a lot of church youth groups. They go around the community trying to help people. They seem really nice and friendly, and accepting. I don't know if you have stuff like that where you live, but joining something like that might be fun.
Voluntary work might help you to meet nice people. You don't get paid for it, but it definately could help you meet people.
Get a job. I'm sure I read in an older thread that you said you lost a job because you were rude to customers. Maybe it doesn't come easy to you, but I'm sure you're smart enough to be able to learn to behave in a way that won't get you sacked.

Above all else. BE NICE TO EVERYONE. I don't know how you behave in real life, but on the internet I've seen 2 Pentagrams. One is a total jerk. The other is a nice guy who I actually quite like. If you let the jerk show through it will put most people off being your friend. Even if you think someone else is a total jerk and you don't want to be their friend, still be nice to them. If you're a jerk to them, other people, who you might want to be friends with will see you being a jerk, or hear about it, and that could be enough to put them off you.

OK, sorry. I know that's probably not the best advice, but it's the best I can do. The truth is I'm probably just as bad socially as you are.

[Frolic_Fun]

Stop complaining and get to college.

[Loupgarou]

Pentagram, I will not pretend that I know your situation, because I don't, BUT I do know how it feels to hate people. Sometimes they can seem like barriers more immense than anything autistic for me. It is not my AS that is a barrier, it is the potential recipients . Gosh I am self-absorbed sometimes.

Anyways, you just got to keep getting up everyday, and keep fighting. Keep going. Do what you love, and don't  digress. Who gives you your meds? Is it a GP or a psychiatrist? Can this place that you live provide you with a psychologist? Sometimes a boost in self-esteem can make all the difference, or it did for me. I didn't realise how badly I thought of myself, until I started getting therapy with an AS specialist. I think it is my lack of self-esteem that holds me back more than my AS does will. I mean, I doubt I will ever be able to be employed in a traditional sense again or stand in a group for more than 5 mins, but some self-esteem would be good. It means that I will have the courage to succeed in something, perpetuated by me.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I always thought this saying was a bit naive and "positive thinking" for my liking, but it has stuck with me.

Take care and good luck. Let us know how you go.

Loup

[Celticgoddess]

Oh! Loup reminded me of something...Lemonade. If you can, get your hands on this documentary. You can order it through Amazon for less than $15 and it's 38 mins long. It will change your way of thinking about what you can do with your life and what matters. It was life changing for me. EBM stumbled across it and sent me the movie. Incredible.

Here's the trailer for it:

[Loupgarou]

Oh CG. That made me all teary. How frightening for them and they all got up and took the risk and did what they wanted. What made them happy.

Sacrificing and taking risks.....

is the precursor to greatness.



Thanks CG

Loup

[Celticgoddess]

Isn't it incredible? Gives me goosebumps and makes me teary every time I watch it. If you can, it's worth seeing the whole thing so you can see how it turned out for everyone and how they plod on. Such a great message. Made me think about following my passion, not just getting a paycheck for the sake of a paycheck, know what I mean?

[Loupgarou]

Yep, totally understand .

It can take a lifetime to get the courage, but when you make the decision to follow something even if it seems crazy and you get lots of criticism, it is impossible to do anything else.

It becomes right, because it feels right.

I will watch the whole thing when I get a chance.

Loup

[Osensitive1]

Made me think about following my passion, not just getting a paycheck for the sake of a paycheck, know what I mean?

Looks like a good video. Wish I could get out of that rut. Takes some guts, no doubt. Have always said, if life gives you lemons, shut up and eat your lemons. Maybe time for a new mindset.

[Loupgarou]

^^^^ been that way all my life, Osensitive. I don't mean it was funny but I laughed when I read that only because it was so familiar. I am a cynic and a sceptic generally, not to mention a fierce misanthropist, and I just kept eating those lemons, 'cause I thought that was my lot, but it shifted about 1 year ago when I decided to write a book. The most terrifying thing I have ever done, but I could not imagine myself doing anything else now. It just feels right, even with all the pain I go through writing it. I have no idea if it will be published, but I try and not look at the outcome (I am outcome orientated) and just do it because I can.

It ain't easy, but it is better than sitting on my hands.

Try doing something new. It might spark a motivation in you that you never knew existed.

Loup

[Osensitive1]

Thanks, Loup.

[Loupgarou]

 

Loup

[DukeNukem]

Well, if I want to go to college, I'll have to wait until January. I dunno about any church youth groups, because I don't go to church and I don't want to go. I'm kind of jealous of you aspie Brits because you get, along with a disability check, you get a free laptop, free movie tickets, free this and that, while we in the USA are LUCKY to get a disability check. HMPH!

[Osensitive1]

January's not far away at all.