How would you kick someones ass?

[midlifeaspie]

I haven't physically assaulted anyone since High School, but was suspended 4 times for it.  I found the most effective strategy was to avoid the face as it was far too easy to miss and break your hand on his forehead.  Ribs are okay but much more flexible than you would think.  If you try and kick someone in the sack and miss you are off balance.  Best bet is to sit back in a defensive posture until the opportunity presents itself to land a solid uppercut that starts below the rib cage and is aimed at the heart.  Once the diaphragm starts spasming they won't fight back anymore and all kinds of options open up.

omg that is awesome

i wouldn't wanna knock your drink over anyway

I'm nice now and do all I can to avoid physical conflict.  I was bullied badly up until 8th grade when I decided enough was enough and took a new tactic.  By the end of 9th grade everyone was afraid of me and I much preferred it that way.

[P7PSP]

Punching people in the nose is cool, a feint at their head and punch under the armpit works, a punch in the stomach, or in the kidney if you get behind them, is cool.
If someone gets you in a headlock bring the arm on that side up over their head, holding the index, ring and pinkie fingers back, with the ring and pinkie finger going across the bridge of their nose place the middle finger in the corner formed under their nose over their top lip. Place your leg directly behind their leg. Ram the middle finger into that corner directly under their nose forcibly pulling their head back while holding your leg steady behind their leg. You now have them on their back like a turtle and can stomp, or knee drop, onto their sternum or abdomen if needed.
Being willing to take pain in order to dish it out goes a long way in a fight situation.

[bodie]

Punching people in the nose is cool, a feint at their head and punch under the armpit works, a punch in the stomach, or in the kidney if you get behind them, is cool.
If someone gets you in a headlock bring the arm on that side up over their head, holding the index, ring and pinkie fingers back, with the ring and pinkie finger going across the bridge of their nose place the middle finger in the corner formed under their nose over their top lip. Place your leg directly behind their leg. Ram the middle finger into that corner directly under their nose forcibly pulling their head back while holding your leg steady behind their leg. You now have them on their back like a turtle and can stomp, or knee drop, onto their sternum or abdomen if needed.
Being willing to take pain in order to dish it out goes a long way in a fight situation.

OMG - another one!  If i knocked your drink over i would be straight up the bar to replace it - all apologetically 

["couldbecousin"]

Punching people in the nose is cool, a feint at their head and punch under the armpit works, a punch in the stomach, or in the kidney if you get behind them, is cool.
If someone gets you in a headlock bring the arm on that side up over their head, holding the index, ring and pinkie fingers back, with the ring and pinkie finger going across the bridge of their nose place the middle finger in the corner formed under their nose over their top lip. Place your leg directly behind their leg. Ram the middle finger into that corner directly under their nose forcibly pulling their head back while holding your leg steady behind their leg. You now have them on their back like a turtle and can stomp, or knee drop, onto their sternum or abdomen if needed.
Being willing to take pain in order to dish it out goes a long way in a fight situation.

        for bringing the PAIN!

[P7PSP]

Punching people in the nose is cool, a feint at their head and punch under the armpit works, a punch in the stomach, or in the kidney if you get behind them, is cool.
If someone gets you in a headlock bring the arm on that side up over their head, holding the index, ring and pinkie fingers back, with the ring and pinkie finger going across the bridge of their nose place the middle finger in the corner formed under their nose over their top lip. Place your leg directly behind their leg. Ram the middle finger into that corner directly under their nose forcibly pulling their head back while holding your leg steady behind their leg. You now have them on their back like a turtle and can stomp, or knee drop, onto their sternum or abdomen if needed.
Being willing to take pain in order to dish it out goes a long way in a fight situation.

OMG - another one!  If i knocked your drink over i would be straight up the bar to replace it - all apologetically 

I don't hit women bodie and never hit someone over a spilled drink.

[RageBeoulve]

Overpower them with my upper body strength, and pin them so they are laying on their belly. I'd get out my knife, and cut through the seat of their pants and underwear. Doing a bit of "surgery", I'd cut their ass off, then stand and dropkick it as far as I could.

Ass=kicked 

[Icequeen]

I'd try to disable them first, throw something in their face, go for the adam's apple, windpipe, balls...etc.

Then you find the heaviest object you can and bash their head in until they're out cold, remember always "double tap". 

[bodie]

i would try not to kick someone's ass

it would be cruel!

["couldbecousin"]

i would try not to kick someone's ass

it would be cruel!

    And the payback would be a real bitch too!  Just look at those TEETH!   

[bodie]

i would try not to kick someone's ass

it would be cruel!

    And the payback would be a real bitch too!  Just look at those TEETH!   

and i bet he could kick pretty good also

[P7PSP]

I'd try to disable them first, throw something in their face, go for the adam's apple, windpipe, balls...etc.

Then you find the heaviest object you can and bash their head in until they're out cold, remember always "double tap". 

Penny wise cartridge foolish.  Here is a good example of a proper application of doubletap.

[Squidusa]

I've bitten people before. 

[TheoK]

Biting people is 

[Al Swearegen]

Oh hell I am glad MLA picked up on this kick him in the balls thing, or I would have.
Best case scenario, all works and you have your prey cough up his own testicles, and sink down into a pained whimpering heap, screaming silently.
Chances are actually rather better that you will connect awkwardly and instinct with have them bring their legs together and have you with a trapped leg and off balance and with arm's reach, missing completely and landing on your arse, or kicking their leg and upsetting them.
Bad call all around.
There are some things that are rather painful that do not involve exposing yourself to unbalancing yourself.
Finger up their nostril hard (or keys up the nostril).
Thumbnail in the eyesocket
Palms simultaneous clapped against their ears forcing air down their ear canal.
Stamping a heel against the base of their toes
A Blow to their Adam's apple
A Fish hook to the mouth.
Running the inside of your shoe down their shin.
Grab their balls in your hands, squeeze, twist and pull down hard in one hard movement

Now before you say "Fuck Les, you are a dirty fighter." I personally have done none of these things BUT if I was to give a preferred method to ladies of dealing with an attacker, than to "kick them in the balls" this would be my advice.

Advice for blokes would be a little different. Would go something like this.

Fucking dominate them. You do not have to physically hurt someone that much usually to cow them. To make them "fear" what they have got into and worry about what could happen. Have them believe that they are so far past the point of getting the upperhand that they are panicked and unable to put up a defence and are looking for an "out".

Go in hard.

Be mentally prepared for a flogging. If you REALLY want this fight and feel strongly enough to defend whatever reason you were fighting then you should be prepared to lose and cop a hiding, and once you have this set in your mind then go for the upside.

Don't back down unless you absolutely have to.

Protect your face, a smack to the cheek will hurt but won't fuck your chances as much as a belt to the nose. Your eyes willi water with this and for a five seconds you will be fucked and at their disposal.

Keep your guard up and elbows locked.

Keep your balance and do not charge in head down

Keep kicks to a minimum.

Don't allow them to hit you before you hit back. May be very gracious but when they are doing a bit of folk-dancing on your rib cage you won't thank them and they won't appreciate your goodwill.

Don't wait for the "perfect opportunity " or the "knock out punch". Go in quick flurries and hope that it will open up opportunities.

Don't be fancy

Don't wear yourself out faster than them.

Don't let them dictate how the fight is going or they will be the ones who will be dominating you in the end.

Only follow up as much as you need to, to win. If they are unconscious, stop. If they are calling it quits, stop. If they are no longer able to defend themselves stop (and back away from them enough to prevent them having been just playing possum). If they are bleeding? Who gives a fuck?

If you have really fucked them up and you are worried they are seriously hurt? Depends on the situation. Generally I would say "fuck it". (I have had a situation where I have had to get a towel and compress the arsehole's noggin from bleeding everywhere after his head split hitting the ground, but it would again depend on the situation. Generally I would say not to bother.)

[bodie]

or...if you are a bit of a weakling,  just pay someone to do it for you