The "needy" times.

[Loupgarou]

Not being an inherantly needy or physically affectionate person unless it is attached to foreplay, I am often astounded when I experience periods of extreme neediness. I am compelled beyond reason to seek a hug, a kind word, a stroke of my fragile ego. I become self-absorbed and obstinate and throw tantrums like a five year old and wonder why no-one is listening. It is at these times that I feel so unlike me, that I am momentarily and monumentally shifted out of my logical and rational brain.

I times of neediness, I become....well.....human(or narcissistic) I guess.

The idea of "need" has always alluded me, confused me and frightened me. All I NEED is air, water, food and shelter, so why does it feel that WANT equates "need" at times? I do not ever want a hug, but at times I feel a need for it.

What are your thoughts on "need"?

Loup

["couldbecousin"]

I suppose if you equate emotional neediness with weakness, you might have convinced yourself that you don't *have* any needs, or even any wants,
just to avoid the shame you might feel admitting otherwise. Then when problems overwhelm your usual defenses, you might be surprised and embarrassed
to realize that you actually *do* have wants and needs. Just my guess, as I spent most of my teen years trying to be a hardass...   

[Parts]

Need is a tricky thing I like you most of the time do not want a hug a thing that many have no understanding of.  Only my wife and immediate family can do it and only if I am warned.  Sometimes I want one but that is rare

[Osensitive1]

Humans do need touch. Infants wither and die without it.

[Loupgarou]

True CBC. I agree.

I used to think to have emotional needs was to be vulnerable, because people looked vulnerable when they expressed need, but then I didn't really understand what it was to have emotional needs. I used to equate "emotion" with "softness" which was never a bad thing, I just couldn't "feel" what others felt, or maybe I could feel it, but couldn't name it. Have I totally confused you?

I used to think that my lack of understanding came from my childhood, but I have dealt with all that and know how important it is to express emotional needs. Other people I have observed generally seem to feel better when they express needs and have them met, so I know it exists.

My psychologist has been trying for 2 years to help me identify my needs by identifying emotions. My current homework is to write down how I feel and what triggered it. It is much harder to do than I thought it would be. Even in emotions, I inherently search for symmetry, pattern and design. It all feels like chaos to me.

Getting there

Loup

["couldbecousin"]

It makes sense to me that some people can't identify what they are feeling, or why.

I have heard the term "skin hunger" and didn't think it applied to me, since I seldom want a hug and feel uncomfortable if it goes on longer than a few seconds.
But I actually do have tactile needs, which are met by curling up under the covers, wrapping them around me, hugging the pillow. I remember we had a visit at work
one day, years ago, from a recently retired co-worker of whom I was fond. She hugged everyone, I didn't particularly mind, but afterward another co-worker observed
that during the hug, my hands looked like claws.    She asked me something like "Now, didn't that hug make you feel better?" and I had to admit...no.
It really did nothing for me. That was a really educational day for me; it gave me insight into the difference between me and a lot of the people I know. 

[TheOtherWindow]

Humans do need touch. Infants wither and die without it.

True.  Harlow proved it, albeit cruelly and on monkeys.

[Loupgarou]

Need is a tricky thing I like you most of the time do not want a hug a thing that many have no understanding of.  Only my wife and immediate family can do it and only if I am warned.  Sometimes I want one but that is rare

Yep, me too Parts.

Loup

[Loupgarou]

Humans do need touch. Infants wither and die without it.

Totally Osensitive. I remember telling myself a lot when my son was a baby to hug him. I would keep a tally of how much I hugged him and told him that I loved him so I would make sure that he got enough tactile and comfort time with me. I would make sure that I would make eye contact with him at least twice a day and let him touch my face as much as I could stand it. I love my boy more than life itself, but I could not "Turn on" what was/is not there. It was very hard for me and I often felt terribly guilty. I tried to make up for it in other ways.

At times, I felt like a monster. They thought it was Post natal depression, but it was not.

Loup

["couldbecousin"]

Humans do need touch. Infants wither and die without it.

Totally Osensitive. I remember telling myself a lot when my son was a baby to hug him. I would keep a tally of how much I hugged him and told him that I loved him so I would make sure that he got enough tactile and comfort time with me. I would make sure that I would make eye contact with him at least twice a day and let him touch my face as much as I could stand it. I love my boy more than life itself, but I could not "Turn on" what was/is not there. It was very hard for me and I often felt terribly guilty. I tried to make up for it in other ways.

At times, I felt like a monster. They thought it was Post natal depression, but it was not.

Loup

Exactly the kind of dilemma I think I would have faced, had I had a child. 

[richard]

Humans do need touch. Infants wither and die without it.

omg!

[P7PSP]

I don't want to talk all the emotional need stuff with you Loup but you fit in here good. Some of these people may actually be able to help you. 

[Osensitive1]

Humans do need touch. Infants wither and die without it.

True.  Harlow proved it, albeit cruelly and on monkeys.

No, he proved it's also true with monkeys. It was proven by the overwhelming infant mortality rates in orphanages where only physical needs were being met.

I don't want to talk all the emotional need stuff with you Loup but you fit in here good. Some of these people may actually be able to help you. 

Yes, what he said.

[richard]

i wanna get close to someone, but mostley i'll feel weird if they touch me
its no joke.

['andersom']

Humans do need touch. Infants wither and die without it.

True.  Harlow proved it, albeit cruelly and on monkeys.

No, he proved it's also true with monkeys. It was proven by the overwhelming infant mortality rates in orphanages where only physical needs were being met.

I don't want to talk all the emotional need stuff with you Loup but you fit in here good. Some of these people may actually be able to help you. 

Yes, what he said.

Yes, with orphanages they found out kids wither more without attention and touch than when getting physical and psychological abuse.

For kids/grown-ups who have a hard time being touched by people, a pet may help them out.


I am someone who craves touch, always was. But, being touched by the wrong person may trigger me in a bad way.