You know what would be a great idea?

['Butterflies']

butterflies its been my expericance that not being truthfull will only end in disaster in the end. if this is the same girl you have a crush on why not just tell her whats really going on with you? i understand being closeted though as i had been for most of my life. sociaty are cruel and unusual but so is life

I could never tell her how I feel about her. She's been my best friend since I started primary school. I couldn't bear to lose her as a friend, and I don't think she could handle the idea of me having feelings for her. I know she's completely straight anyway, so I know there's no way me and her will ever be an item, but I would possibly lose my best friend.
Throughout most of my life I've always had a good social life, and that's totally down to her. Just about every friend I've had, I met through her. If I fall out with her I would end up becoming a total recluse and never going out or having any social life.
Also, with her assuming me to be straight, she has no problems wandering around on front of me with no clothes on, or having a bath while I sit and talk to her. I get a good chance to perv on her. I wouldn't want to throw that away

like any aspie, i guess

you definitely need a scenario change. do studies or something somewhere else, and just jump right into it. introduce yourself directly as gay, and avoid the whole secrecy and build-up.
at least youll have that experience. if theyre so backwards where you live, maybe you should just let them stay like that. then again, they could surprise you and be more open to it idunno.
but i think you need a scenario change, just for the experience of gaying it all out

I do agree with that. It's just that this is a small, repressed country, and word travels fast. If I went to college and was openly gay most people might accept me, but word would still get back to my home town.
I know this sounds stupid but although I don't fancy guys, I always wanted to live a normal life. Find somebody I love, have a child or two and be a mum. I've always liked children and I always saw myself having 1 or 2 kids.
I think one of the reasons I don't want to be openly gay is that I still think that might happen. I know I'll never meet a man that I'm very attracted to, but I might meet a guy that I love as a friend, and end up settling down with him. If I'm openly gay, then I'll never be able to hide it, but if I stay in the closet and I meet a guy, then I can always just pretend this whole lesbian thing never happened andd go back to pretending to be straight again.
I'm attracted to women, but being out and proud might be too hard for me to manage.

OK I'm not sure how much of that'll have made sense. I've tried to explain things, but it's hard when I don't have any of the answers myself

[RageBeoulve]

That could work, but you'd still have to tell the guy the truth, and sex him up once in a while. Let him bring women over for you to share.

[richard]

Also, with her assuming me to be straight, she has no problems wandering around on front of me with no clothes on, or having a bath while I sit and talk to her. I get a good chance to perv on her. I wouldn't want to throw that away

oh shit i get that. if i had a roomate/friend i wouldnt mind seeing him walking around in his boxers or something, unfortunetley guys dont sit on the edge of the bathtub and socialize  

['Butterflies']

That could work, but you'd still have to tell the guy the truth, and sex him up once in a while. Let him bring women over for you to share.

That sounds fun
I know I'd have to sex him up once in a while. Babies might be a bit difficult if I didn't . I'd just have to lie back and think of Scotland . If I ever did go out with a guy there's no way I'd tell him the truth about being gay. I'd just have to practice pretending to have a sore head every night.

['Butterflies']

Also, with her assuming me to be straight, she has no problems wandering around on front of me with no clothes on, or having a bath while I sit and talk to her. I get a good chance to perv on her. I wouldn't want to throw that away

oh shit i get that. if i had a roomate/friend i wouldnt mind seeing him walking around in his boxers or something, unfortunetley guys dont sit on the edge of the bathtub and socialize  

  exactly. Watching her getting in aand out of the bath beats internet porn anyday for me.

[richard]

you dont know how much i envy your sneaky ass

['Butterflies']

you dont know how much i envy your sneaky ass

My cousin lives with us aswell and he fancies her like mad too. He says the exact same thing to me

[ZEGH8578]

I do agree with that. It's just that this is a small, repressed country, and word travels fast. If I went to college and was openly gay most people might accept me, but word would still get back to my home town.
I know this sounds stupid but although I don't fancy guys, I always wanted to live a normal life. Find somebody I love, have a child or two and be a mum. I've always liked children and I always saw myself having 1 or 2 kids.
I think one of the reasons I don't want to be openly gay is that I still think that might happen. I know I'll never meet a man that I'm very attracted to, but I might meet a guy that I love as a friend, and end up settling down with him. If I'm openly gay, then I'll never be able to hide it, but if I stay in the closet and I meet a guy, then I can always just pretend this whole lesbian thing never happened andd go back to pretending to be straight again.
I'm attracted to women, but being out and proud might be too hard for me to manage.

OK I'm not sure how much of that'll have made sense. I've tried to explain things, but it's hard when I don't have any of the answers myself

try a whole other country. go to london!

as for openly gay, why get cought up in terms? if you dont like the... no-teturn-ness of it, try being openly bi?
theyre just words anyway, and by being bi you still got all your options left, no?

[Loupgarou]

Butterflies, I never considered that I was bi, until I was......well.....bi

I think I was a bit younger than you when I realised, although I didn't fall in love with a girl until I was in my early to mid 20's and it was a freaking disaster. Very unhealthy relationship. She was also my best friend first before anything happened, so I understand your hesitation, ESP if she is straight. Some women can be very uncomfortable with it. Although I have had straight friends do weird stuff after getting a bit of alcohol in to them, and then wonder why I say, "Hon you are a dear friend, but quite frankly my dear, you are just not my type". You would be amazed how many women get real shitty when you say that.

It matters little what gender, as long as you love and are loved in return. Maybe you desire your friend, because you cannot have her? Sorry just a bit of psychology thrown in If you are gay and cannot declare it openly, it fulfils the need to "want" from afar, with little repercussions, other than what you are doing to yourself emotionally.

Take care of your precious self. One day, you will be able to find the courage, live a full and loving life, and be joyful. Timing is everything.

Loup

['Butterflies']

try a whole other country. go to london!

as for openly gay, why get cought up in terms? if you dont like the... no-teturn-ness of it, try being openly bi?
theyre just words anyway, and by being bi you still got all your options left, no?

I don't think I would like to live far away from my family. I like everything about having them near me. I like living with my cousin because I get lonely very easily.
My aunt makes me nice food, and my aunt and uncle bring me out for nice meals and if I have any problems they do their best to sort them for me. I love London for a holiday and it would be a great place to live, but I'd hate to do it by myself. I lived alone for a while when I was 16 and hated it.
Sadly I don't think people who are bi are treated any better than those who are gay here. I don't mind living here but a lot of the attitudes in this town are very outdated.

It matters little what gender, as long as you love and are loved in return. Maybe you desire your friend, because you cannot have her? Sorry just a bit of psychology thrown in If you are gay and cannot declare it openly, it fulfils the need to "want" from afar, with little repercussions, other than what you are doing to yourself emotionally.

Take care of your precious self. One day, you will be able to find the courage, live a full and loving life, and be joyful. Timing is everything.

Loup

There is a lot of truth in that. Sex scares me shitless. Any physical contact scares me. Being gay gives me a really good excuse not to have to sleep with guys. If I was in a position where sleeping with a girl was a realistic possibility then I'm sure I would find a good excuse to avoid it.

In a way it bothers me less than you might think at the moment. My sexuality is really a moot point as I have no real desire to have sex with anybody other than myself at the moment. In real life I'm probably even less mature than I appear over the internet. I am quite mature in a few ways, but socially and relationshipwise I'm probably more on the level of an average 14 year old. I have crushes on people, but I don't feel like I would really want to take them any further.
I've had boyfriends in the past and I've always hated being in the relationship. Not just because I wasn't attracted to them, but I just hated the whole relationship thing and the feeling of having to work hard at maintaining the relationship. I've always been happier with no relationship than when I was in one.

[ZEGH8578]

I don't think I would like to live far away from my family. I like everything about having them near me. I like living with my cousin because I get lonely very easily.
My aunt makes me nice food, and my aunt and uncle bring me out for nice meals and if I have any problems they do their best to sort them for me. I love London for a holiday and it would be a great place to live, but I'd hate to do it by myself. I lived alone for a while when I was 16 and hated it.
Sadly I don't think people who are bi are treated any better than those who are gay here. I don't mind living here but a lot of the attitudes in this town are very outdated.

i meant it more for your own little existensial dilemma. to consider yourself bi "opens up" for both being gay, and possibly having the family you want. if thats your mindset?

['Butterflies']

i meant it more for your own little existensial dilemma. to consider yourself bi "opens up" for both being gay, and possibly having the family you want. if thats your mindset?

There is a lot of sense in that. Deep down though, I know that I am gay and any straight relationship would simply be an attempt to live a normal life, avoid stigma, and have children.
Given the fact that I'm obviously rather confused about this whole issue. I think the best option for me is to stay in the closet, at least until I have a clear idea of who I am and exactly what I really want.

[ZEGH8578]

i meant it more for your own little existensial dilemma. to consider yourself bi "opens up" for both being gay, and possibly having the family you want. if thats your mindset?

There is a lot of sense in that. Deep down though, I know that I am gay and any straight relationship would simply be an attempt to live a normal life, avoid stigma, and have children.
Given the fact that I'm obviously rather confused about this whole issue. I think the best option for me is to stay in the closet, at least until I have a clear idea of who I am and exactly what I really want.

yes.

often when i see people going through very abrupt changes (such as sex changes etc) i cant help but wonder if maybe they are having other issues, or didnt really identify their personal issues

like, when i was younger the thought sometimes struck me, maybe im not getting gf's cus im gay, i went through many possibilities, maybe i am clinically insane, and insanity oozes from me - if so i should be heavily medicated
in the end, it turned out im simply aspie, and suck at the whole gf business as a default

['Butterflies']

in the end, it turned out im simply aspie, and suck at the whole gf business as a default

I've never known if it was because I was aspie, but I'm the worst girlfriend ever. Most of the time I would just try to avoid spending time alone with them, and appearing really distant. And then I wouldn't give them any sexy time . I know one guy really liked me and he ended up quite upset when it was impossible to make the relationship work. I still feel a bit bad about that guy.

[ZEGH8578]

in the end, it turned out im simply aspie, and suck at the whole gf business as a default

I've never known if it was because I was aspie, but I'm the worst girlfriend ever. Most of the time I would just try to avoid spending time alone with them, and appearing really distant. And then I wouldn't give them any sexy time . I know one guy really liked me and he ended up quite upset when it was impossible to make the relationship work. I still feel a bit bad about that guy.

aw yes. i had similar stuff, where this one chick got too... personally intimate, like she begun talking about - - - the future.
and i handled it not so good, and basically stopped existing for a while. she obviously got extremely worried,
i did confront the issue eventually, but i still feel bad about how shittily i handled something that woulda been fixed w a quick breakup, rather than pretending to no longer exist

then again, that IS how ive often solved my problems, to pretend i no longer exist
"what fines? how can i pay them, if i dont exist?"
obviously, it solves nothing