Useless Personal Trivia

[Celticgoddess]

Sometimes I think if I had someone to fill in my own gaps, that person and I would be a force to be reckoned with. I just never stick around long enough for that kind of an alliance to happen. 

If you find it, don't let it go though. It can be an incredible thing. I finally found that kind of chemistry with EBM. Where one is lacking, the other fills in. It's amazing. Nothing tops emotional, physical, intellectual stimulation.

[RageBeoulve]

Hasn't happened, and i'm a pretty huge dick. I can't really see me even getting along all that well with myself, if I were to meet myself. 

[Celticgoddess]

How much of that is who you truly are vs using it as a tool to keep people at a certain distance? There's good talk in Eclairs thread about Emotional Intelligence. Near the end, about being your authentic self. There's a deeper layer to life and existence when you live out your own truth. But that means being brave enough and open enough to trust another person to get to know who you are on a deeper level. Having had severe trust issues my whole life, it took me until I was 34 to be able to do that.

( can't use the word brave without thinking of Lit and seeing this dude:  )

[PuppetSockPenguin]

I don't like oranges

[RageBeoulve]

How much of that is who you truly are vs using it as a tool to keep people at a certain distance? There's good talk in Eclairs thread about Emotional Intelligence. Near the end, about being your authentic self. There's a deeper layer to life and existence when you live out your own truth. But that means being brave enough and open enough to trust another person to get to know who you are on a deeper level. Having had severe trust issues my whole life, it took me until I was 34 to be able to do that.

( can't use the word brave without thinking of Lit and seeing this dude:  )

Quite a bit of it. I've always been a wanderer, but I keep people at arm's length yeah. I do this because I have very little understanding of my -own- emotions and emotional capacity. I'm actually DAMN good at judging the intentions and feelings of others to the point of being downright eerie at times, but yes. I have very little emotional intelligence for my own self.

[Celticgoddess]

How much of that is who you truly are vs using it as a tool to keep people at a certain distance? There's good talk in Eclairs thread about Emotional Intelligence. Near the end, about being your authentic self. There's a deeper layer to life and existence when you live out your own truth. But that means being brave enough and open enough to trust another person to get to know who you are on a deeper level. Having had severe trust issues my whole life, it took me until I was 34 to be able to do that.

( can't use the word brave without thinking of Lit and seeing this dude:  )

Quite a bit of it. I've always been a wanderer, but I keep people at arm's length yeah. I do this because I have very little understanding of my -own- emotions and emotional capacity. I'm actually DAMN good at judging the intentions and feelings of others to the point of being downright eerie at times, but yes. I have very little emotional intelligence for my own self.

Then I guess it comes to a point where you decide whether you want to continue to live like that, or you want to take the risk of learning more about yourself. I'm still learning, so is EBM. But I'm learning more because he points out to me things about myself and how I process/act/react in ways that I didn't realize. We know things about each other that no one else in the world knows. So we can break it down for each other and explain why the other person may be feeling what they're feeling, and why they're reacting as they are,  and we're usually bang on.

Anyway, enough babble from me. Just food for thought, so to speak. It's a scary leap but for me, the benefits outweigh the risks.

[RageBeoulve]

Sad thing is, I'm 100% sure that i'm either just severely retarded in that department, or I just lack the emotional capacity in certain areas that most people have.

[Celticgoddess]

Again, it comes back to filling in the voids. Someone else that fills in what you're missing. I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You've got walls built a mile high and a mile thick to keep people from getting too close to you, and it takes a long time to allow someone pass through it. But if that person comes into your life, I think you'll know. And I hope you'll give yourself a chance. In the end, you will learn more about yourself and that's not a bad thing. But you need to be in the right headspace for it to happen. You may not be ready just yet and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not something you can force or will into action, it just sort of happens on its own.

[RageBeoulve]

Well, I already have people like friends who will explain for me when I say something especially creepy or I sound really cruel. Like "Oh thats just his way of saying <blahblah>". But those people are friends.

You know what? Usually its me that leaves, and its because I get annoyed with the emotional needs of my partner. I hadn't thought about it that way before, but yeah. Thats it right there. I get impatient with things I consider to be trivial nonsense, and my partner at the time thinks is "serious, lifechanging buisiness".

[Celticgoddess]

You feel like a story that hasn't ended yet. I bet at some point in your life someone will show up and you won't ever be able to completely leave.

[RageBeoulve]

You feel like a story that hasn't ended yet. I bet at some point in your life someone will show up and you won't ever be able to completely leave.

Maybe.

[Binty]

Nothing tops emotional, physical, intellectual stimulation.

This.

[DirtDawg]

Had a great cellphone convo with my eldest last night.


I am amazed at how funny he is. I am beside myself with pride in his resolve. I am deepened in depression to imagine what I have lost to time from not knowing him sooner.

I have less hate for his mother for keeping him from me, after finding how good of a mother she was for him. Only problem, he had five different father images growing up and in the long run, at about puberty, he became his own father image and that has not been bad. I look at how I might have been more solid for him (and then I question myself) but the reality is that he grew up "wild" and has turned out OK!

I love my eldest son, who I never met until a few months back!

Long story/short = we actually are developing a relationship, finally.

[richard]

I need to get some sleep

['Butterflies']

Had a great cellphone convo with my eldest last night.


I am amazed at how funny he is. I am beside myself with pride in his resolve. I am deepened in depression to imagine what I have lost to time from not knowing him sooner.

I have less hate for his mother for keeping him from me, after finding how good of a mother she was for him. Only problem, he had five different father images growing up and in the long run, at about puberty, he became his own father image and that has not been bad. I look at how I might have been more solid for him (and then I question myself) but the reality is that he grew up "wild" and has turned out OK!

I love my eldest son, who I never met until a few months back!

Long story/short = we actually are developing a relationship, finally.

I thought you were quite young. Roughly, what age are you?