Nothing terrifies me more than losing my eyesight. My foremost fear has always been macular degeneration because it destroys the central parts of your field of vision, making you unable to read or watch a film but leaves the peripheral vision to remind you of what you have lost. It's as fucked up as these things get. Of course there are other eye problems to fear (most of which I have considered at one time or another) but this one is the worst.
My eyes have always been troublesome anyway. I've had eye surgery five times (to correct the strabismus) and I'm hoping for a sixth so they can fix the scarring that is now causing me problems. The vitreous humour in both my eyes is detaching from the retinas, causing floaters that often block parts of my vision. I need fairly strong glasses and now that I'm older, I also need special reading glasses.
All these things my OCD reworks into obsessions and fears and unwanted thoughts and actions, endlessly repeated throughout the day. The meds help some but cause other problems.
So yeah, I guess I have considered all this, time and again. Actually, I've considered it all for most of my life. My AS support person says that she'd never met anyone with a negative OCD-induced obsession lasting for so long.
There is nothing I fear more.
i'm sorry you feel that way, i also value my eyesight. but remember, the universe responds to positive thoughts, so think them. my thought patterns are really destructive too, and i spend most of the day fighting with my thoughts and drinking them away, so i know it's not easy, but make every effort to stay positive and not give into that negative crap cuz it's a whirlwind that pulls you down if you let it. focus on the things you're grateful for, and shove the fears away as much as you can.
i know that sounded stupid and peppy but i find even minor adjustments during the day have a great impact. i always have to keep at it though, and keep from staying down too long after i trip on the tripwires. cuz i do every day, trip, but how long i stay down is the maker or breaker of me. it's really fucking hard sometimes.
sometimes i wish i could just remove my brain. you know? just for a moment. and maybe run water over it, some soap... but no, gotta do the washing inside out, it's hard.
maybe that's the thing that makes me so tired.