Admitting to myself that I'm gay

['Butterflies']

This probably isn't much of a surprise to anyone who's read many of my posts, but I've came to the conclusion that I'm almost certainly gay. I've spent most of my life trying to convince myself that I was straight. My parents and sisters are slightly homophobic and most of my friends made a lot of jokes about gays, so being gay was never really an option for me. Although I knew I had a major crush on my female best friend I somehow managed to convince myself this was a perfectly heterosexual thing . Since moving away from my friends and parents I've had a good chance to really think about what I really am without worrying about negative reactions from the people I'm close to.
The only people I really know here are my aunt, uncle and cousin and I decided to tell them today. They were all very supportive, it wasn't much of a surprise to any of them. One of the things that helped me realize I was gay was some of the questions some people had asked me on this site. I had been sure that I was bi, but having to think about some of the questions people were askig me helped me understand that was unlikely. So thanks
I've always had a problem with sex, and at least part of the problem in hindsight was the fact that I just didn't want to sleep with guys. I do kind of want to sleep with girls. When I walk down the street or drive around on my scooter I always find myself eyeing up woman, but never guys. All my crushes are towards women, but not towards guys. I do think some guys are very cute, I think Rafael Nadal is very good looking but I just wouldn't want to sleep with him.
I've no plans to come "out of the closet" to anyone IRL other than the 3 folk I mentioned. I'm supposed to be meeting my best friend very soon and I certainly won't be telling her. I definately won't be letting people in town know either, as this is a fairly small and very backwards town.
I'm not really sure why I'm starting a thread about it on the siite. I know it's probably a bit self-important making an anouncement to people who don't really know me, and who probably already knew I was gay before I did.

["couldbecousin"]

It's OK to be a bit self-important here, it helps with postwhoring!


Also, !

[richard]

thats cool. i can apprechiate your situation

[Al Swearegen]

This probably isn't much of a surprise to anyone who's read many of my posts, but I've came to the conclusion that I'm almost certainly gay. I've spent most of my life trying to convince myself that I was straight. My parents and sisters are slightly homophobic and most of my friends made a lot of jokes about gays, so being gay was never really an option for me. Although I knew I had a major crush on my female best friend I somehow managed to convince myself this was a perfectly heterosexual thing . Since moving away from my friends and parents I've had a good chance to really think about what I really am without worrying about negative reactions from the people I'm close to.
The only people I really know here are my aunt, uncle and cousin and I decided to tell them today. They were all very supportive, it wasn't much of a surprise to any of them. One of the things that helped me realize I was gay was some of the questions some people had asked me on this site. I had been sure that I was bi, but having to think about some of the questions people were askig me helped me understand that was unlikely. So thanks
I've always had a problem with sex, and at least part of the problem in hindsight was the fact that I just didn't want to sleep with guys. I do kind of want to sleep with girls. When I walk down the street or drive around on my scooter I always find myself eyeing up woman, but never guys. All my crushes are towards women, but not towards guys. I do think some guys are very cute, I think Rafael Nadal is very good looking but I just wouldn't want to sleep with him.
I've no plans to come "out of the closet" to anyone IRL other than the 3 folk I mentioned. I'm supposed to be meeting my best friend very soon and I certainly won't be telling her. I definately won't be letting people in town know either, as this is a fairly small and very backwards town.
I'm not really sure why I'm starting a thread about it on the siite. I know it's probably a bit self-important making an anouncement to people who don't really know me, and who probably already knew I was gay before I did.

Sounds awful. (Not the being gay bit but the trying to hide from yourself)
I try to conform to societal expectations in not being Aspie. I repress. That must not be nearly as bad as repressing your sexuality or feeling a sense of being wrong to feel what you naturally feel.
Big hugs mate and well done for being brave and allowing yourself o be comfortable being you

['andersom']

^^^
^^
^

What they said.

[Mr Smith]

It can all be very confusing. I hardly look at men in the street but ALWAYs look at women, and im not attracted to them at all.

But I think its great finally being able to admit it - it's the first step. I wish you all the best and some day I think you will make a lady very happy. 

[Peter]

I'm supposed to be meeting my best friend very soon and I certainly won't be telling her.

Maybe she's in the closet too?  You could both be missing out.

['Butterflies']

Thanks to everyone for being supportive . Believe it or not, untill I moved away from Scotland I had no idea at all that I wasn't straight.

I'm supposed to be meeting my best friend very soon and I certainly won't be telling her.

Maybe she's in the closet too?  You could both be missing out.

Sadly, I'm pretty sure she's not. She's never without a guy for more than a few weeks, and when she is single she just has loads of one-night stands. She's says she's not homophobic but she does say some stuff that makes me think that that that deep down she isn't as open-minded as she likes to think she is.

[Adam]

I did't admit to myself that I was trans till I was 17

I think admitting it to yourself is actually the hardest thing
if you don't feel ok with telling your friend then just dont. maybe with time that will change, but there's no need to rush into tellig everyone if youre not sure about how theyll react. hopefully theyll react well tho.

['Butterflies']

I did't admit to myself that I was trans till I was 17

I think admitting it to yourself is actually the hardest thing
if you don't feel ok with telling your friend then just dont. maybe with time that will change, but there's no need to rush into tellig everyone if youre not sure about how theyll react. hopefully theyll react well tho.

I think you might be right about admitting it to yourself being the hardest bit. Deep down I always wanted to do the whole normal life thing, get married and have a couple of kids. I've always loved babies and I've alqways got on really well with young kids. I find them easier to get along with than adults. I really wanted to be a mum someday. Admitting this to myself means admitting to myself that none of that is likely to happen.
I definately won't be rushing into telling people in my town. There's an openly gay couple and a guy that everyone says is gay but he isn't "out." The gay couple were bullied out of their house, and the guy who might be gay can't walk down the street without having kids shout abuse at him. His windows have been smashed aswell and his car tyres have been slashed a lot of times.
This is a very religious town, and very homophobic. I like to be anonymous, but if I were to be openly gay I would be the talk of the town. Everyone would know who I am. The thought of dealing with what those other people have had to deal with makes me pretty sure I'll keep this a secret as long as I can.

[Icequeen]

Being honest with yourself is what matters. Nothing else.

Normal doesn't exist anyways, and being gay doesn't mean that someday you can't be a mom or have kids, you just might have to go about it differently.

['Butterflies']

I don't think I could adopt. I think they have some kind of psychological test for people who want to adopt. I would certainly fail. If I ever was in a gay relationship and still living in this country I don't think it would be fair to have children anyway, the abuse they'd be subjected to in school would probably be horrendous. It wouldn't be right of me to put anybody through that.
I knoiw I could never raise a child by myself. The only way I could bring up a child properly would be if I had a partner who was for more sensible and responsible than myself.

[richard]

i would just like to say its been my experiance when dealing with homophobes that the more homophobic they are the chances of them being GAY are about as pink as thier toenail polish they have under there shoes. there so ghey infact that it turns there "unfortunate" situation into hate. its like freaking reverse phsycology or something

[El]

i would just like to say its been my experiance when dealing with homophobes that the more homophobic they are the chances of them being GAY are about as pink as thier toenail polish they have under there shoes. there so ghey infact that it turns there "unfortunate" situation into hate. its like freaking reverse phsycology or something

It's called reaction formation.

[richard]

thank you for telling me what the science was.