(final addition)
... However, the balls continued to grow, and it was only a matter of time before they turned into a pair of black holes, sucking up the entire world.
(assembled story)
One day, a madman, grinning ever so maniacally, took an axe and sliced of dubya's fingers one at a time, then inserted them, one at a time, in his arse! Until they ran out; then, he proceeded with taking digital photos to send to PeterMacKenzie who became extatic upon seeing them.
Suddenly, he heard a loud shriek! And watching the pictures over his shoulder were no one other than Fatima Whitbread and the local girl guide troop, who was looking sheepish in her pigtails, suddenly and without provocation began projectile vomiting, until one of the girl guides summoned a crack team of cleaning badgers who were getting along very nicely indeed, until the crack ran out, and they were distracted by A Mushroom which attempted to warn the badgers of an impending snake by a telepathic message, however neither badgers nor mushrooms have any ability as far as telepathy is concerned, so the future for both was looking decidedly dodgy, until Fatima leapt to the rescue by taking everyone to a fortune teller.
The fortune teller cackled evilly and began slapping Fatima with her large, warty nose, until Fatima threatened to shove a javelin up her arse if she didn't knock it off, upon which she grumbled and got her tesco value crystal ball out. What was she going to do with it? Something sinister, it soon became apparent, as the face of Bill Gates swam into focus. Clearing her throat, she asked: "Master, what is your command?" And Bill Gates answered: "GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT***".
Without warning, the fortune teller exploded, showering Fatima Whitbread, the girl guides and Peter with cottage cheese. Just then, a Jizz Bomb fell from the sky. The end.
...or so, it would seem! In fact, something completely different occured; the jizz bomb impregnated every female within the area, causing a rather large foreheaded aspie population explosion, concentrated in that particular region of the world. As a result, unimagineable technological progress followed during the next one hundred years, and an aspie nation eventually formed, setting out to take over the world. By insemination, across the nation, occasionally pausing for masturbation, the aspies further multiplied. The Ejaculation Division of the Imperial Aspie Army, led by general McJagger, was then formed, in order to allow every desperate aspie man to serve his nation in the global conquest, teaching techniques and the ability to read body language.
The aspies fucked, and fucked, and fucked, until they all got really fucked up. And decided to do some freaky dancing to Motorhead. However, they were soon interrupted by something horribly horrible; a frenzied troupe of morris dancers jingled into view, causing a hallucination. Something aweful; a cloud in the shape of the hugest looking ascan head, which sang, 'I am a cyder drinkerrrr, I drinks it all of the day...' causing the elites to fly into a homicidal rage, and develop a sudden craving for scrumpy.
Suddenly, from accross the atlantic one could barely makeout the question, "what. is. a. scrumpy?" "Oarr!", the resounding answer said, as it showed just that. Having been thus educated, the American aspies proceeded to become so utterly shitface that... DUN DUN DUN... they became... DUN DUN DUN AGAIN... NEUROTYPICALS!!!!
"Which, " declared a humble yank, "is the best way to get rid of them pesky giant rodents that ate all the rabbits". Or so the rumour goes... That drinking while playing the story game will produce plot twists such as ass gerbils from the planet mars temporarily invading Canada, resulting in a new Canadian expression: "Looks like you've got a gerbil in your arse, eh?" This exspression was then made a hit song by the musical artist George Michael. I mean... Michael Jackson! I mean... Gary Glitter! No that wasnt it it was really none other than... Richard Gere!
Back to the plot (though which one shall forever remain a mystery), robin was feeling pretty bored whilst batman was out hunting aliens/predators, so he lit up a cigarette and then all of a sudden he could hear a loud blood curdling shriek from all the way down the rabbit hole as if a thousand rabbits had been butchered simultaneously while michael jackson watched and squeazed his balls... Which made badgertom puke with a migghty thhunderous RROOOAARRRRRRR! Covering poor little jimmy in toxic slime, which gave him a MIGHTY erection, and a subtle craving for the milk of a wild donkey, but he thought, nay i must focus on the task at hand, which was chronic mastercation involving several tins of wild tuna and a bottle of MOUNTAIN DEW, but then mastercard people called and told him to stop wiping on his card, and he said thunderily: "I SAID MASTERCATION NOT MASTERBATION U FOOLS!" We all know what masterbation means but Mastercation means eating so STFU n00bs. To which a small boy replied (in a most peculiar voice) "self improvement is mastercation".
Having thus mass debated so masterly, the hallucinating, drunken, fucked-up army finally passed out. As they gradually recovered, they regained their aspieness, along with headaches so massively strong that they had to take many a paracetamol while still the headache continued strong on the outerlimits of their craniums, pouncing veins like no tomorrow, and then Peter MacKenzie, a long-time sufferee stood up and said "AAAAAAAAA!".
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the battle began; with their aching heads, the Imperial Aspie Army went bat fuck insane, obliterating the poor, neurotypical enemies in a rage so massive that even rambo stood with his jaw flowing to the floor, and suddenly the skies opened and rain fell down, accompanied by many tiny ships filled with LSD and aliens and will smith and jeff goldblum and a half-rotten plum. And a budgie, which RobertN killed. Why did he kill the budgie?
For Queen Omega, that is why. But so was done to no avail, for she shouted: "Off with his head!". And to the horror of the assembled aspie masses, the sky darkened and a flash of lightning revealed Ascan's malevolent visage behind a poorly constructed Omega mask; and he said, "Kiss me! For i am your evil overlord, now that Peter MacKenzie has broken his evil overlord throne!" To which Peter said: "Cha-right, you are way too old for me." And then peter proceeded to dismember the demon Ascan with a portable chainsaw he had hidden in his sporran, to the cheers of the aspie elite.
Then he took photographs with a camera he had hidden in his sporran. His sporran was like a TARDIS, which was very cosy and full of luxury pillows shaped like K-9, and lots of blow up sex dolls of each and every different whore that the doctor had, following him...
Meanwhile, RobertN was strolling in the park and fell down the rabbit hole accidentally and rolled right in the white rabbit's house where the rabbit butchering party was still going on and michael jackson screamed "FRESH MEAT!!!" and all the butchered bunny ghosts came out of the woodwork with a blood hungry gleam in their eyes chanting: "Myyyy a Heeeeee, Myyyy a whooooo, Myyyy a Heeeeee, Myyyy ah haa haaaah." (Gary Brolsma Stylee Cool) To this RobertN declared a state of mass hysteria and was about to unleash his mental anguish on the bunny ghosts when they used their mystical powers to youth-ify his body to that of a 12 year old...
Then Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter (who appeared from a time-distortion caused by his child-tracker (circa 2012) repeatedly molested RobertN's personality/body until gary glitter pulled off his mask to reaveal his true identity, Peter! (Peter is everywhere) The nighmare continues when peter, who pulled further from his sporran, forked into multiple instances, all of which, save one, mysteriously crashed, striking RobertN like a meteor swarm.
But it turns out that it wasn't RobertN. How do we know? Petes sense of smell is too keen for that. It turns out to be a 14 year old girl who had suffered from severe head trauma and as such had involuntarily camoflagued herself. The end!
That's what you'd like to think tho but alas, the influence of Deano still carries on this topic to its bitter, yet extraordinary conclusion somewhere near iceland, where there are polarbears who have the ability to pleasure 6 partners at once, with their Orange Juice Popsicle Tentacle Strap-Ons, and that, despite being nice and friendly, are tragically being mistaken for being bloodthirsty predators due to the mess they always make while eating giant raspberries. 'Cos giant raspberries are so juicy they leave strange red marks on the consumers.
But not to worry; the world was about to end, and thus it didn't matter. Until then; a few brave souls had created a cunning plan, which was to find the 7 legendary balls of ryuu Cool. Because when they were brought together they allowed the user to wish back anything they wanted (within reason - unlike wishing back peoples sanity as its hard), so they set off on another majikal jurneee to The Miiiighty Booooosh, home of Garland/Indie songstress.
And then her giant pairs of pants arrived in planecopters and attacked the giant marshmellows who had been watching it all unfold from the sidelines, puffing their fatties in a mellow fashion, and were shocked to the point to awe when, from out of the darkness sprung a demon with awesome power. "Heh heh heh!"
Oh, and then Ichikaru and Kakaburu showed up with their Pokekong cubes and summoned Margarinefree and Pik-Atschoo! (bless you) to fight the demon! But, shock and horror, out of nowhere came nothing less than the remarkably cold-resistant emulator SNEeSe! (blessed be it) SNEeSe then did something unexpected; it ran a game so wonderful that all the combatants ceased their fighting and stared in awe. The demon sat down, took a gamepad, and challenged everyone to a game of Mario Kart. The End, yet again. ...for a while, anyway.
Until the evil overlord Mario of the Mario Kartell thought he'd start up a tobacco company with his second cousin Tony Soprano; he just hoped his triggerhappy brother Luigi wouldn't hear about it. Luigi had always been a little unstable, and exploded as soon as he heard the news. The mess was surprisingly like toasted marshmallows, so the Girl Scouts made S'mores with it, which caused a rise in childhood obesity; a new way for video games to do this.
Hearing about the rise in childhood obesity, happily their stocks soared, as there were an even larger number of sit on your fat arse kids with not enough energy but to play their stupid siezure inducing games. And all was well in the kingdom of kids, until a bunch of Jane Fonda inspired a-dolts thought of sticking Cookie Monster on a permanent diet and the kids all got anorexia, and Cookie Monster too, who started a proana website posting thinspirating pics of his new stringbean form online.
However, the day was saved by a mob of vigilantes, who kidnapped Cookie Monster and forcefed him Jamie Oliver. This led to cottage cheese thighs, and a sudden demand for mansierrs. The cookie deprivation, however, soon got the better of the cookie monster, and in a murderous, insane rampage, he broke free and ate all of the slimy, disgusting, annoying little children alive, not only making the world a better place, but also giving him his healthy looks back! But now Jamie Oliver's passing had caused a lack of good food programming on tv, apart from Cookie Monster's show, and CM was starting to feel bored; he wanted competition to be able to prove his superiority, so he took a trip to Mialand and puked up Jamie who was yet mostly undigested because CM's digestive track was so fucked up from the ana period. And so the tv screens were once again filled with two brilliant speech impedimented chefs in the end...
Unfortunately, jamie oliver's return to the screen was marred by being mutilated by a rogue meat and potato pie, which was enraged by the cunt's repeated use of the word 'pukka'. So then Cookie Monster raised a hand and asked: "What's a pukka?" To which the cookie said, "One of my... ingredients." The cookie monster kept on munching, and soon began to feel real good.
Not to mention low, and very slow, and slightly fucked with the MEGA MUNCHIES. 'Cos everyone knows that spacecakes are the way forward for modern society. But of cource, they are wrong! Completely wrong! Not only that, but... they, they are all in on it! It's a conspiracy, I tell you! Of massive proportions, one which encompases the entirety of the known universe! (and even some others that cannot be mentioned) Anyhow, by this time, the cookie monster was getting bored with the limited array of products on the current world consumers market, so using his wit, cunning and the aid of a multi-million dollar corporation, CM derived a new and innovative way of taking the market by storm...
Outerspacecakes! But Pinocchio had originally come up with outerspacecakes and showed up to demand some serious money for this hole in his wall of opportunity. As he made his claims however, people were quick to notice a slight extension of the length of his nose occurring, and his claims were thus summarily dismissed. And all of a sudden a huge space ship emerged and demanded the release of Pinochio, who was actually an alien child posing as a wooden doll posing as a little boy, and the aliens now wanted him back home to their planet Meganozo.
But a great disaster befell the Meganozian ship, for Pinnochio had catched a cold during his stay on earth... And as a tornado hurled out from within his sinal cavities, the illness spread to the rest of the crew. It was only inevitable that, when it finally reached its destination, from the two openings opening up on the hull of the Meganozian ship, a massive vagina shaped cave was getting closer by the fathom.
And, the crew could barely make out a figure... Not that it mattered. Because just then, a massive wave came out of their infected mega-nose of a ship, blasting through the cave. It was a sonic wave of TR00 GRIM BLACK METAL, like these guys... Which, you ask? We- "TR00!!!!!"
And the wave traveled through a medium concisting of ice-cold slime, no less! "Freeze!", someone screamed, but all involved sneezed. But alas, they were drunk on Pabst blue ribbon, and sniveled most furiously. Suddenly, one of the drunken metalheads, put one finger over one nostril and blew out the other; hitting our hero in the eye with a mucus globule large enough to contain him, as he slipped into it. Deprived of oxygen, he began to feel jellicated, irritated, and, as he began inhaling the mysterious substance surrounding him, inflated his balls became, and now resembled a pair of unusually large goofballs, which glistened like the star of david on the eighth day of hannkah.
After being covered with a tick layer of highly compressed fluff, letting out only a very faint glow, that is. However, the balls continued to grow, and it was only a matter of time before they turned into a pair of black holes, sucking up the entire world! The end. For real, this time. Honest.
