I don't try to hide it. Other than of course, sterile practice, minimizing appearance of IV tracks, because I want to stay looking good.
I don't need to justify myself to anybody. And as such, I am heavily influenced by both factors. Both the need for analgesia, and strong analgesia at that, and also, the rush. The way I see it, thats not much different to my having a preference for say, pickled black olives with chilli sauce dripped into the former site of the stone, over green ones, for preferring russian standard vodka over toilet-cleaner like smirnoff, or liking to smoke cuban cigars (when I can afford them mind you....too much bloody tax revenue going into the fetid embrace of the political coffers.
Meds wise, yes, I have preferences, who doesn't, who is both on meds, and who has been tried on various different equivalent meds? Some are more effective than others; Like my preference for chlormethiazole if I am going to take a GABAa agonist for its antiseizure properties, sleep aid, anti-anxiety OR recreationally once in a while. Or my preference for morphia over oxy, IF it is given by the IV route, if its to be taken orally or rectally, then my choice, if such is available, will be oxy; morphine is extensively metabolized by hepatic cytochrome
p450-3A4, CYP-p450-2D6, as well as excretion as gluconuride and sulfate conjugates. Only something like 35% or so of a given dose of oral morphine is actually going to end up where it is needed.
IV, morphia is, for me, less itchy, gives a greater rush, and much more of that lovely warm, soft, weighted blanket feeling wrapped round me, as well, as at a totally equipotent dose using conventional figures to work that out, and dose titration, a better tool for the job. I.e less pain.
In general though I prefer some variety, 'tis the spice of life so they say:D
I mean, I'd sooner have my regular rx, finally sorted when I see the pain clinic for the first time, to a level that Doesn't leave me either still sore as hell, severely exertion intolerant on that side, but doesn't knock me senseless either. I'd still shoot it, but only now and then, in that case, as it is, most of the other opioids I have access to are mainly via the oral route, with formulations intended only for non-parenteral use. Mainly j.collis browne's mixture (morphine as oral liquid OTC), pulmo bailly, fucking vile tasting codeine cough mix, codeine linctus, the latter with added terpin hydrate, basically pine resin turpentine, which I find almost undrinkable; gee's linctus-tincture of opium, or gee's linctus candies.
On the other hand, you would have to pay ME to take tramadol. Its gross, an SNRI/5HT releasing agent, that lowers the seizure threshold, and feels to me, dirty, jittery, and pretty much still in pain, compounded by the nasty noradrenergic effects-yuck. Anybody want to buy an adrenal gland? a fair bit of mileage on the clock, but only two previous owners (hey, I am part-personally owned by one certain lovely stalker:P:D)
As well as various plant based goodies. Poppy crop time comes round a couple of times a year, or one in the pipeline for testing soon as it it be ready for birth out of the flask, for IV use, being the propionyl ester of loperamide (yes, immodium), or for oral use only, kratom leaf tea/resin/alkaloid isolate, a southeast-asian small tree that has quite a respectable analgesic and rec. potential (also legal almost everywhere save thailand, maybe burma, and a few places its indigenous to, freely available online though, and, |I mention this because you brought up that your mom is struggling with a monkey.
What does she use? if thats not too personal? as kratom, has a wide and long history of safe use, lacks the compulsivity of a spike in the arm, and watching a fountain of blood shoot up into the rig in slowmo. A traditional use where it is indigenous in asia, is to use it to detox. I've used it many times, both to enhance analgesia, and if I run out on a weekend, by accidental making of an appt. to see my doc on a day wrong for a 7-daily rx, or of course, when troubled by n00b 'doctors' that neither know the patient, or who would have been better off applying for work in bergen-belsen or dachau:P
I hope your mom, if she is in need to, can beat her dependency. MLA (thats you under a new handle isn't it?
As for justifying it...why would anybody need to, as long as they are not hurting others with their use? I speak of myself there, or others who are either on longterm pain meds, chippers, etc, who keep a hold on their use, mainly.
The type of junkie goat-rapist who goes around preying on other people's vulnerabilities, stealing meds (I've had that done to me by my bipolar, borderline, malignant narcissist waste of autistic genes, along with benzos, chlormethiazole, and others...bitch didn't take them for it's own use, at least not my pain meds, just did it to hide them so she could make sure A-she looked good coming to the 'rescue' with her own, and likely B-make damn sure I couldn't have any when she couldn't take the opioids of the rx at the time that I had, due to anaphylaxis. If she wasn't getting anything good then she didn't want me to either; fucking sewage incarnate gorgon-bitch.)
Those fucking tossers I have absolutely zero sympathy for. If I get left without, then I have to go without, and just do whatever I can to manage the discomfort of w/d, and the pain that of course comes flooding back.
I wish that type of skag-rat success in getting clean, and sorting their life out. But otherwise I wouldn't piss down one's throat if they begged me to pull some chemistry tricks out of my hat and cleave hepatic metabolites back to morphine out of urine (it can be done, if there is enough morphia in the person's system.
Me? I have only ever jacked meds from one 'person'
AFTER finding out about the months worths of my own meds being taken from me and hidden under it's bed. Not to mention the getting herself invited here to stay as my guest, housemate, friend and repeated sexual, emotional and physical assaults and degradation by mother, father grandfather and brother. False rape claims against one guy from this country, not me, but accused a guy formerly from AFF, grassed him in to the pigs, had me get her back, back her up, not knowing she was lying her arse off...hell, for the lack of the price of a train ticket, she came within hours of getting him a bullet in the head.
Yes, he does have form for stalking, but he is a real A-grade gimp, who couldn't rape his way out of his own used diaper with all the tritium, deuterium and 239Pu between his anal ring and the US history of WMD programs:P I don't LIKE the guy, pikachu, but being a minor creep and general grand high wazzock-priest of eternal muppetry isn't; IMO, a valid reason for getting a revolver stuck in his mouth (which didn't happen to him in the end, but when confronted over the phone, he broke down, blubbering like a baby, sounded near enough like he just shat and pissed his knickers
Erinye-fuckingwell-Medusa-Bitch-From-Tartarus was a compulsive liar, assaulted me more than once then blamed it all on everything from bipolar, an almost completely factitious 'case' of dissociative identity disorder, parental rape and battery flashbacks.
And more besides....having to physically wrestle her and disarm her when she was hadesbent on SI. Or how about, after being taken to three of my 'special' mushroom hunting places, being shown, after expressing the desire to know more about what they are about, what the experience is, our having found a small patch, just enough Psilocybe cyanescens for two people to have one good serving each, with a little top-up for any further psychospiritual exploration work&play that wanted doing after everything was integrated.
We split them equally, on a scale accurate to 10mg. Fair as can be, yet what did I get?
Nothing. They 'disappeared'
And I can't prove it, but I KNOW that weed went missing, and am 99.999999% certain that she stole out of the house to, not steal, but SMASH several gallons of DMT-saturated xylene, carefully hidden in a storm drain that really was not going to be seen, ever, by anybody else, after fearing an imminent raid by the filth.
Thats the only, one and only thing I have ever done, like that. The means, in this justified the end...I wasn't lacking meds, having talked my regular doc and asked him if he could replace them.
This remains the only time I've ever stole meds or money (fucking slapper got busted jacking 20s my old man's wallet). After all that, and more, It/she did to me and my family. Splitting me and burned one up, and something that above all else put together, stressed my stalker, and spoke ill of her. Stress for her is serious, as she can't produce ACTH, save in tiny quantities.
My stalker (I won't name her here, or her net handle, to avoid trolling..she IS family. Family I would crawl on my belly through broken glass for if it meant sparing her pain or sorrow. Hell, I'd throw myself in front of a speeding car to push her, or her kids out of the way without hesitation.
