It was about what I expected.
I was on my best "behavior."
I was already exhausted from work.
My mind and my body were about to shut down from already having too much exposure to strangers (I needed to have some ME time when I came from work, but instead, I sat there and tried to carry on a boring conversation, as all my external sensory abilities began to involuntarily turn off all external stimuli and engage total shut down mode. It was almost as torturing to feel a DEAD DAY coming on in slow motion as to wake up in a "new world," as what normally happened when I used to drink my self to sleep after such a rough time.
I am actually still mostly numb, numb, all over, but I can smell into next week ( normally my first sense to return after this level of over exposure - this is an unrelated concern, however, with which I am also trying to cope or dope or NOPE! This is actually good news, meaning that this DEAD DAY shit is already subsiding even though my entire sensory system is calling upon just the one sense alone for information).
I was trying my best to NOT fuck things up up for my daughter She NEEDS another "friend," seriously!
We all seemed to do OK.
(My main regret of all of the bad parts, is that once it was all over and I had a bit of time to once again try to externalize, I began to realize just how bad off I was - can not feel any of my tactile senses, everything smells like my own lungs, can barely decipher anything that my over-sensitive ears are being bombarded with - and how long it was going to take me to to recover, I vented a lot of my fear, distrust and anxiety and fear upon my dear sweet wife. She did not deserve to suffer this horrible travesty.
(You want to know how strong and supportive my wife is when she knows that one of us needs it? Instead of taking a perfect opportunity to make me feel weak and like a failure, she hugged me, thanked me for the effort I had made for our daughter and asked me if I needed to say any moremore before we go to bed. I love this woman!)
I did my best to not make too many mistakes, socially. I was trying to not fuck it up for my daughter, but now I am paying the price.
(thank fuck in a bucket for Chrome's spellcheck -
)