I'm too sexy for your questions....

[MrJones]

i like romance. it's sexy.

but its worthless when you are fucking.  you'll find out, soon enough, what i mean.
romance is fine from accross the dinner table, but not ontop of it.

Wyrd.

Romance is fine while an ocean of salty sea separates us and foils my one eyed fire hose of love from your wet, tight passion portal. But when the only thing that keeps our copulatory pistal and stamen apart is one word from you...."yes"....be it a floor to fall to, a couch to pounce on, a bed to break beyond repair, or the back seat of a 57 chevy...it will be time to stop talkin and start rockin and cockin.

[MrJones]

Anyway- I'm sure MrJones can handly a little bit of friendly joking, we all think he's cool anyway or you wouldn't be with him 

I actually appreciate the friendly joking...tease me at will...Ms. Pill certainly does

MillaPill has very very good taste in men...and I'm damn sure she's gonna taste good too...Hooooooooowwwllll

[MrJones]

yes, ditto.

i like him.  if he keeps up the good work then i will love hi, shortly.

Careful now...second on my desire list to my soon to be formerly virginal puddle of lust is to wrap my lips around a throbbing hunk of manhood....I haven't been with a man since I was....well...it was sometime in the 70's.

I think you're growing on me McJagger...please...tie me up and let me be your whench...we just have to let my lusty, dripping wife to be watch.

[odeon]

As do I, my love. My manhood throbs with delight, engorged with raspberry tinted pulsing veins of desire. My eyes burn for the sight of your perfect breasts and your swollen stiff red button of passion. I long to kiss your lips for a dozen eternities, to suckle your tits for the eons of a thousand dimensions, to bury my face in your pure, unspoiled lust for the millions of death and rebirths it will take to please you.

And more than all that...I just want to fuck your brains out.

you have to stay away from all those cheap Harlequin novels, you hear!

[MrJones]

As do I, my love. My manhood throbs with delight, engorged with raspberry tinted pulsing veins of desire. My eyes burn for the sight of your perfect breasts and your swollen stiff red button of passion. I long to kiss your lips for a dozen eternities, to suckle your tits for the eons of a thousand dimensions, to bury my face in your pure, unspoiled lust for the millions of death and rebirths it will take to please you.

And more than all that...I just want to fuck your brains out.

you have to stay away from all those cheap Harlequin novels, you hear!

But...but...it's so fun to say stuff like.....

She awoke to the firm resolve of his tree trunk of passion pressed in the deep crevasse of her hot crossed buns. She let out a deep moan of anticipation as she rolled, first on to her back and then to mount him. She let his twitching cock no more than dip it's wick in her inkwell of passion. "Oh no MajorTom, your protien pill exists not up that dark tunnel. And I must give that helmet of yours a good polishing before you blast off." She kissed him once quickly, then slid down, down, down. Her full supple lips engulfed his engorged Saturn IV Rocket...stage 1, stage 2, stage 3...and ohhhhhh, stage four.

"Tell my wife I love her very much," Tom said in short quick gasps.

"Sgghgge Knggnoggws"


Ha...damn...I am good

btw, odeon, I'm working on a response to your querry about my living situation...prolly dione in an hour or so unless my princess awakes from her Irish slumber.

[Lucifer]

As do I, my love. My manhood throbs with delight, engorged with raspberry tinted pulsing veins of desire. My eyes burn for the sight of your perfect breasts and your swollen stiff red button of passion. I long to kiss your lips for a dozen eternities, to suckle your tits for the eons of a thousand dimensions, to bury my face in your pure, unspoiled lust for the millions of death and rebirths it will take to please you.

And more than all that...I just want to fuck your brains out.

you have to stay away from all those cheap Harlequin novels, you hear!

i have read worse.  online, too.  bad enough to make me fall off the chair laughing, it was so relentlessly atrocious.  AND it was by someone called ViviSomething - i'll have to scotch that idea for a pen name, now.

[odeon]

btw, odeon, I'm working on a response to your querry about my living situation...prolly dione in an hour or so unless my princess awakes from her Irish slumber.

Thanks. I'm curious. 

[MrJones]

Homeless guy with access to an internet-enabled computer... for those of us without direct experience of homelessness, please explain.

The homeless guys we have around here usually sleep in shopping mall hallways, have no cars, and definitely no internet hookups.

No short answers for me tonight I see

I bought my first laptop in 1998, while working in inventory control systems and distribution for Amazon.com. It was a Dell Lattitude cpi-R. Wonderful machine for that time. Sturdy, dependable, completely adequate for my computing needs. I took that laptop with me from Seattle to wherever Amazon sent me. Delaware for multiple week to month long stints, McDonough Georgia for 4 months of triple digit heat and humidity, Tokyo, Japan for four months. When Amazon decided to close their Seattle distribution operation, I chose to crawl into a few thousand bottles of malt liquor instead of taking employment with the company elsewhere. When my severence pay ran out and the paramedics removed me from my apartment to the closest ambulance and 6 months of various rehabilitation environments, my laptop stayed behind and was put into a cold, damp storage space. When I retrieved my belongings, I simply plugged it in and turned it on. It was as if I had never been gone. That was February of 2002. I returned to society and stayed sober, taking employment at a local new and used bookstore. In the middle of 2003 I began to experience varrying degrees of numbnes in the 3rd, fourth, and 5th fingers of my right hand. Various hand specialists could not isolate the problem. On the Morning of December 31, 2003, I awoke to find my right hand completely...100% from the wrist down..paralyzed. I was, of course, unable to work, and began collecting short tem disability pay at a rate equal to 60% of my normal wage. The diagnosis at that point was some sort of major, yet undefined damage to the Ulnar nerve of my right arm.  Best case prognosis was that after 6-8 months of four times a week electrical stimulation therapy, I could hope to regain 60-75% use of my right hand. The married couple I was renting a room from had previously expressed to me that as of march 1st, 2004, they would no longer need the rent they were getting from me, and the would need me to move out. When my hand was disabled, I asked to have that move out date set aside till I was able to return to work, since my disability pay totaled around 500 a month, an amount that would not be sufficient for me to find a new living arrangement. They declined. So, as of March 1st, 2004 I found myself homeless. From the beginning I accepted this. I figured I'd live in my car for a few months while my hand got better, then go back to work and things would eventually return to "normal". About 3 weeks into my life as a "Rubber Tramp" an acquaintance at an internet cafe in Seattle's university district said to me, "Dude...you should go over to Ballard, there's a bowling alley there that is open 24/7 and has free wireless internet." I got in my Dodge "K" car-known by then as the "K Kar Kondominium"  and headed towards Ballard. A very steep hill takes one from Seattle proper down into the tidal lowlands of Ballard. About halfway down the hill, I heard a sound...a loud KAAAAA...BAMMM! It was the passenger side front brake assembly unit basically exploding into thousands of useless biits of metal and plastic. At the bottom of the hill lay what became my oasis, Sunset Bowl. I pulled into an unregulated parking area about 50 meters to the east of the bowling alley, turned the K Kar Kondo's ignition switch to off and said to myself, "this is now home."

Providential? Serendipitous? An unrefutable case of Divine Intervention? Happenstance? Luck? The simple unfolding of the universe? *Shrug* Take yer pick. Whatever it was, i quickly discovered that Dorothy's autohaus had indeed landed smack dab in the middle of the land of Oz. The Wizard for me was/is a man named Bert Stubbs. In the late 1970's,  Bert was the owner of the most relied upon "pre-press" lithography company in Seattle. He had invested years of his life to learn a skill with his hands that very very few people ever mastered to his level. He had a beautiful european wife who was cultured and aristocratic and a well mannered teenage son, and as a family they took vacations to posh resorts where the owners often asked to join the mysterious, quiet man who looked like a Kaiser and always paid cash. Then one day the wicked witch of the west arrived in the guise of a little software program called photoshop. Bert saw that his hands....the thing that he had built his business and his reputation on were about to become obsolete. Instead of investing in the new technology he walked away. Sold the business, gave his wife(who had at that point decided he was insane) everything, granted the divorce she asked for and became a Rubber Tramp. He's been living in his mid nineties Lincoln Continental ever siince.  Bert is 1 day short of 20 years my senior. He showed me the ropes, where the daily free meals were and how to get there,  told me what to do and what not to do to avoid getting on the wrong side of the employees at the bowling alley. It's been 2 and a half years since I met Bert. He is my friend, my teacher, my father figure, my brother, often times my inspiration. He is a briliant social theorist. He is not afraid to learn. I turned him on to a Time Magazine feature about the life of Theodore Roosevelt a couple months ago. He said to me the next morning at our nearly daily conversation about the political and social news of the day, "Bob...that Teddy Roosevelt was quite a great man. A real individualist...no wonder you knew so much about him." I'm sure I glowed like the pupil  who got moved to the front of the class. It's wonderful to see a person his age with his depth of wisdom be still so hungry to learn.

One of the earliest concepts we developed between us was an overwhelming certainty that nobody sees the fall of capitalism coming. Nobody can explain how the house of cards still stands, but none will acknowledge that the end times of the capitalist experiment are already  upon us. But that's for a different post. When I had my own web page, "www.chaosinorder.com" for a few months at the end of 2004, one of the features on the opening page was called "Bert's Bitches". Bert's Bitches were random tidbits of brill. Here's the original Bert's Bitch.

"What the fuck is wrong with this country? You kill one person, you get the chair. You kill 45 women over 26 years and you get life in prison. When did people get so fucking stupid?"
Here's Bert.

For the first 4 months of homelessness I was still using my trusty Dell Lattitude cpi. One day in that first summer I climbed into the k kar kondo to get something and left my backpack next to the car. I fell asleep for 45 minutes, and when I woke up the pack was gone. All of my electronics were in it...laptop, wireless adapter, webcam...etc. I had about 700 dollars to my name and spent 500 replacing everything..

My hand healed along the expected lines of 60-70% by late summer. But by that point I knew I would never go back to life in the mainstream. I felt free to do what I always felt I was meant to do...observe the human condition and write about my observations. For me, the trade offs were acceptable. I was comfortable continuing to live in my car, eat at soup kitchens, get my clothing and toiletries from various charitable organizations. I had been single for 4 years at that point and was completely uninterested in a romantic relationship with anything other than my left hand...though I did actually dump Lorelai and go back Rosie as soon as Rosie got a decent grip back And I was writing. Writing the best stuff of my life.  A lot of the poetry is tucked inside this or that entry in my livejournal.  http://chaosinorder.livejournal.com/ if anyone is interested, he archived stuff from May 1, 2004 through the middle of 2005 has some pretty good examples of the types of things I was writing.

I'm having a rough time endiing this and I gotta shift locations, then in a couple hours I'm going to the rehearsal for the best new rock and roll band I've heard in a long time. Yeah, they're friends of mine...but check it out for yourself   http://www.myspace.com/cohomusic 

So..I'm gonna post this now and finish it up sometime this decade.

[odeon]

Quite a story... I'm suitably silenced. And impressed. +1

[McGiver]

yes, ditto.

i like him.  if he keeps up the good work then i will love hi, shortly.

Careful now...second on my desire list to my soon to be formerly virginal puddle of lust is to wrap my lips around a throbbing hunk of manhood....I haven't been with a man since I was....well...it was sometime in the 70's.

I think you're growing on me McJagger...please...tie me up and let me be your whench...we just have to let my lusty, dripping wife to be watch.

tell you what, she can do more than watch, she can do raspberries with her tongue on my anus.

[SovaNu]

+1 from me too, you haven't written like that in quite a while my honeycreampie of lustypassionstrawberries.

and your anus better be clean as a whistle, Jäg

[McGiver]

irish spring!

[MrJones]

irish spring!

Your anus...made for a man, ay, but she likes it too!

[McGiver]

and clean as a whistle!

[Randy]

How about a knuckle sandwhich?