you know that you are getting old when....

[skyblue1]

Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons.  "So", he says to them: "Bernie , I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza ." "Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center ." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."  The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hardworking man to have accumulated all this property".  Sarah replies, "Property? The jerk has a paper route!"

[Queen Victoria]

 

[bodie]

....when your friends stink of piss 

['andersom']

...you say something to your kids that your mother said to you (and you hated it)


...you turn out the lights to save money and not for any romantic ideas.


...someone calls you at 10pm and the first thing they say  "sorry did i wake you up"

My mum tends to do that to me, lately. 

[skyblue1]

Charley,  a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get  to work on
time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really
tidy, clean-shaven,  sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously
demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. 
 
One day the boss called him into the office  for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your  work ethic.  You do a bang-up job when you finally get here.  But your being late so often is quite bothersome." 
 
"Yes, I know boss, and I am sorry and I am working on it." 
 
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what  I like to hear.”   
 
“Yes sir, I  understand your concern and I will try  harder.“
 
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on  to comment, “I know you're retired from the Armed Forces.  What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"

The old man  looked down at the floor, then smiled.  He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,  "They usually saluted and said, ‘Good morning, Admiral.  Can I get your coffee, sir?’” 
 

[Gopher Gary]

....when your friends stink of piss 

But what if your friends are just really into golden showers?

[bodie]

....when your friends stink of piss 

But what if your friends are just really into golden showers?

A possibility, indeed.   

[Parts]

You need a magnifying glass with your reading glasses to read fine print in the paper

[odeon]

When Hadron returns to the forum and claims to have a regular job.

['andersom']

When Hadron returns to the forum and claims to have a regular job.

[Parts]

When you start noticing you use 'I remember when' in more and more sentences

[Queen Victoria]

You remember black and white TV and AM radio

['andersom']

You remember black and white TV and AM radio

I must have been old a great deal of my life.

[Parts]

You remember black and white TV and AM radio

I still have a couple black and white TVs and listen to an AM/shortwave radio with no FM on it in my basement workshop

You now your getting old when you know what these are and remember testing them in the drug store to see which one was bad

[Jack]

Are those worth a lot now? Just guessing they're no longer manufactured.