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Offline Nomaken

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Some questions about relationships.
« on: September 10, 2006, 03:22:36 PM »
For those that are in relationships or have been in relationships (or just anybody else if you wanna make up crap), I have some questions for you.

Note:  I am using the term relationship to mean anything from fuckbuddies to longterm significant others or anything like that.

How does a relationship operate?  How do you think a relationship should operate, and how did yours operate?  What have you been expected to do, what have you expected them to do?  How does or did it develop?  What did you do from day to day.
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And as always, these are simply my worthless opinions.
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purposefulinsanity

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2006, 03:25:19 PM »
All relationships work differently and change overtime- its not really something you can give a simple answer to.  Although certain basic pinciples apply imo- respect, trust, honesty, compromise in all good relationships.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2006, 03:27:16 PM by purposefulinsanity »
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Offline Nomaken

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2006, 03:28:18 PM »
I am not looking for a simple answer, i'm looking for a thorough answer.  But I realize that few people want to write essay answers, so just add in shit at your leisure.
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And as always, these are simply my worthless opinions.
Reverence is fine, Sanctity is silly.
We're all fucked, it helps to remember that.

purposefulinsanity

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2006, 03:32:58 PM »
Quote from: Nomaken on September 10, 2006, 03:28:18 PM
I am not looking for a simple answer, i'm looking for a thorough answer.  But I realize that few people want to write essay answers, so just add in shit at your leisure.

At the moment you're right I haven't got the concentration required to give you a huge answer, but there's also the fact that I don't think its something I could easily put into words- perhaps others might manage it. ???
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Offline Lucifer

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2006, 03:40:08 PM »
dunno, PI - i was avoiding answering it for that very reason.

all i can say, nomaken, is that each one works as and of itself, and, by definition, involves two people.  this means that trying to talk about the abstract concept of a relationship can only go so far, and that's not very far at all, cos the synergy of two people together will be differnet every time.  yes, there probably are common themes, but i'm buggered if i can think of them, without my brain imploding.

as for a thorough answer...  you'd be better off spending some time and energy disabusing yourself of that one, got there is and can be no such thing.  honestly.

sorry, hon, cos i wish someone would write The Manual, too.  might save me fucking up another one...  :(
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Offline odeon

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2006, 03:49:21 PM »
Goodness, I wouldn't even know where to begin, and I suck at relationships.
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Offline Lucifer

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2006, 03:50:53 PM »
/gags herself, then sits on hands...   :-X
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Offline odeon

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2006, 03:58:43 PM »
Mmmmph?
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Offline lilia

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2006, 04:04:29 PM »
I probably shouldn't answer this, as I'm fairly pessimisic about them anymore, but here's my take on what normally happens with mine.

I meet someone, and he finds my quirks endearing.  I am oblivious to this for a while, then notice he's become extremely protective of me.  That is my cue that he's interested.  If I'm amenable to something happening between us, I don't avoid him and let him do his thing to get it started.  It progresses from that point to extremely long conversations about our backgrounds, lives, hopes, etc.  The learning about each other stage lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.

After that stage, he usually begins to notice that I can be somewhat emotionally cold.  He gets demanding of more attention, which makes me feel pressured and back away more.  We have more long conversations about this, which normally end with me saying, "I just can't explain it to you.  I don't know why that is how it is, but I can't change it."  He is sometimes accepting of this answer, maybe hoping he can somehow overcome it all and turn me into the nice adoring, loving person he sees me as.  And this is where the problem comes in.  From the quirks he originally found endearing, he's somehow created a mental image of who I am, and is unable to reconcile the fact that I am not this person he has created. 

Normal conversation at this point:

Him:  I missed you today, did you think about me?
Me:  Um.
Him:  You didn't think about me, did you?
Me:  I was reading.
Him:  But I think about you no matter what I'm doing.
Me:  Yeah, but I told you - I kind of have to force my focus.
Him:  Do you even care about me?
Me:  /sigh

It's normally going into the, "You don't make me feel loved." conversation at this point, and I get frustrated.  I have no idea how you actively make someone feel loved.  My frustration grows, and I separate myself more and exacerbate the problems by doing so.  From here, it's normally fairly downhill. 

I've only had one relationship that I wish I could have continued.  I'm not quite ready to give up on them yet though.  I enjoy them in the earlier stages, and hope that eventually someone can see me for who I really am instead of who they have created in their mind.

Nomaken, I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted.  Relationships are so extremely complicated for me, and I went back and forth about answering, but I think it's a very valid question and wanted to give it a try.  It's depressing for me to read what I wrote.  Hopefully it isn't for you.
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Offline Nomaken

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Re: Some questions about relationships.
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2006, 04:25:32 PM »
No, things like that is exactly what I'm looking for.  If nothing else it warns me about things I might run into.
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And as always, these are simply my worthless opinions.
Reverence is fine, Sanctity is silly.
We're all fucked, it helps to remember that.
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