i have been in a funk.
i have not given my best effort, replies to questions come slowly for me lately, if at all. i have been half assing my arguments. basically i have lost some of my zeal, passion and without a doubt my optimism.
i have concluded that you are the main reason for this funk that i am in. because it boils down to depression. intensity would be back. and its just a forum. i think the thing that makes me the saddest is that a good friend wouldn't care enough to have faith in me.
after all, the words were all there; written for posterity. and either you chose not to bother reading what i wrote or you just didn't have faith in a friend who has always proven reliable and consistent. which speaks volumes. it makes it clear to me that you weren't really a friend to begin with. thus i am saddened.
also that i was duped, into thinking otherwise. and that hits my pride. i have always thought to be a person who can read others and when i felt used by you i was shocked. i also felt that i was wrong for believing in the same instinct i have survivd on for years. the same instinct that was developed over years and years of wasted time people watching, trying to understand.
it cuts right to the center of my being and a direct blow to my ego.
i am simply; not myself!!!
this funk has severely limited my abilities and heightened my insecurities. where before, i never would accept defeat, i now realize that it is possible.
i hate that feeling. i hate considering that i may be a quitter, but i don't have the passion. would you please return it, or don't.
i blame you Neuroman for the current funk i am in. defend yourself.
i will blame myself if i allow it to continue. for another may influence you, but ultimately the power to dictate who you are is exclusive to each person.
if you do not defend yourself, then i believe that it will show a clear message;
that my instincts were wrong about you being a friend, since you know me and do not care that i am no longer myself.
