Coddling AS children

[jman]

Their is an article on WP's main site: http://www.wrongplanet.net/article343.html


Somebody made a comment that really struck me:

It's true, doctors and indeed most others are unaware of Asperger's Syndrome. But that doesn't excuse anyone killing themselves.

If his mother had spent more time teaching him to adapt, instead of babying him, maybe he'd have handled better.

Yeah, maybe it sounds crass. But I've dealt with Asperger's all my life, and at 23 years old, living far from my family and my hometown, I'm doing all right for myself.

Why? Because my mother didn't baby me. She didn't just say, "oh, well that's okay son. You don't have to try at all to adapt to this situation. You can go back to where things are easier."

Sorry if that sounds frigid on my part, but it's how I feel.]

I so totally agree with him. I for one cannot stand when parents feel the need to coddle their AS children. It's as if they have no faith in their children just because they have a "disability".  Doesn't this woman realize it's her job as a parent to make her son independent and not goverment agenices. I mean c'mon her son is not retarded, most aspies are fully able to take care of themselves. I'd imagine the reason this guy killed himself is because when his mother coddled him it sent him the message that the mother (or anyone else for that matter) had any faith in him and was essentially worthless, so why bother living??

Parents who do this really strike a nerve with me because A) I was never raised that way B) I am so sick of people making out AS to be a bigger issue than it really is. I for one believe that AS is a syndrome imposed by society's intolerance of anyone who is different. It makes perfect sense considering homosexuality was once listed in the DSM.

But anyways back on topic, despite these parents' best intetions I think they need to pull their heads out of their asses. First of AS or HFA is NOT a total tragedy. Aspie traits can often be used to one's advantage. Again the goal of Parents' is to make the child independent. They can acheive it by finding work arounds their weaknesses and playing on their strengths. This doesn't just apply to AS children this applies to ALL children.

This has been said several over and over in the autism but i think it needs tto be stated again in this case: People with autism don't need pity they need acceptance and understanding

This woman sits their and blames the doctors for her son's death, when she really she look in the mirror if she wants someone to blame. It was supposed to be her job to raise him rright not social services. My God her son is NOT retarded, but to him it sure seemed like she thought that despite his most likely above average intelligence.

Another thing that pisses me off about parents of AS children is to attribute every little thing that goes wrong in their lives and make shubboggle about it. It's as if everything becomes an issue. One would post about her son not doing homework?? What does that have to do with AS?? Their are alot NT kids who don't do their homework. Why doesn't she stop blaming AS and find out the REAL reason why the kid is not doing his homework?

It just seems parents want to take the easy road out of things. I've read in the literature that parents greive when their son or daughter is diagnosed with an ASD? they lost the child they dreamed of having apparently. If the child is HFA or AS why don't you make him into the child you've always dreamed of??

Why don't thse parents instead of pitying and coddling him/her sets goals for them, and encourage them by playing on their strengths.  This will increase the child's confidence and make him/her less vulnerable and better able to handle any challenge life throws their way. However if the child fucks up show them where they went wrong and tell them what they could as an alternative or perahps better way to solve their problem.

It seems today alot of parents see their kids as extensions and only want them[the children] to stroke their [the parents'] ego. Thats why they treat it as a tragedy because now that their "child" they can't use them for show and tell. Furthermore I think the parents that view having a child with an ASD a tragedy are probably the same people tthat ostracized or bullied people with AS. Good ole karma eh.

How bout these parents get over themselves pull their head of their arse and realize their children are individuals and not some people you use for show and tell. Also realize you;re not doing your children any favors by coddling them, you;re just setting them up for disaster later in life. I could go on and on and on about this, but I don;t want to waste your time with my perservating.

[odeon]

I agree, Jman, with some caveats.

If you've met an Aspie, you've met just that, one Aspie. I know, it's a cliche but it's worth repeating. We're not all the same, and while some--me included--manage all right, others have a far more difficult time.

Let me just take one example. My son, who's also an Aspie, has for many, many years been unable to stay in the house if we're outside of it. For example, when I still smoked, I'd do it outside. But if it was just me and my son at home, he'd invariably follow me outside because to him, when I closed that door, I effectively disappeared. No amount of asking, begging, shouting or, for that matter, coddling, would help. And it drove me crazy, I can tell you that much.

A ToM issue, his problem, I guess, but I can tell you that I never had it like this at his age. At twelve, he still has some of this problem. Thankfully, I don't smoke anymore but it can still be enough sometimes to go down to the basement, where my study is, to freak him out. He'll definitely not stay at home alone, even for shorter periods of time, while his sister who's two years younger (and NT) will cheerfully do just that.

He's able to go play at a friend's house these days, though, which is a step forward.

For some parents, these things are cause for coddle. The boy's scared, and he cries and he screams, and won't let go until you humor him. I'd imagine that many tired parents would take the easy way out. They'd protect him.

I should also add that he's not too happy with his AS sometimes. He hates it because of the meltdowns--he's very much aware of them and knows that they're a problem. He hates his AS because of his sensory problems, because he's unable to block unwanted stimuli. He can't usually watch TV if there's someone else in the room.

So I agree with you, sure, but you should know that it's not easy to bring up an Aspie kid. I know, I got him because of my sins but still...

[le travesti angelique]

Jman, get over yourself and stop playing the autism expert. Christ, just because he can drive, has a job, and had an online girlfriend, he thinks he knows it all.

Fucking big-headed retard.

[jman]

For some parents, these things are cause for coddle. The boy's scared, and he cries and he screams, and won't let go until you humor him. I'd imagine that many tired parents would take the easy way out. They'd protect him

Yes some of the behaviors you described can be cause for concern, but their are still other parents out there who start off when their real young. They don't even give the kid any room the thrive. They just assume because the child has the diagnosis he won't be able to acheive anything so they coddle him. Thats what I am mainly pissed off about.


I am not trying to downplay the challenges of rraising an AS kid. (I saw what my mom went through with me ) I just wish parents wouldn't be so fast to get a bunch of unnescary supports in place without giving the child the chance to function on his with maybe a little bit of support for a psychologist or what not.

It just makes me wonder how disabled that man really was in the article?? Was he really so disabled he needed help from social services or was the mother over dramatizing things?